A friend just sent me your web page, and I think you have put a lot of heart into it. I have to be honest, you had some links i did not want to see. But my friend kept asking me too. The one was of domestic violence. I was reluctant to read it because I am a product of domestic violence. I grew up in a home with domestic violence. I'm 26 and until now I am still affected. My father would beat on my mother (who was 16) over and over. Just like your story. She would hear his car pull in the drive and throw up, knowing that he was drunk and on drugs and it time for her evening of hitting, name calling and yelling. As a child, watching your mother be beaten like that left me with a lot of emotional issues that i still can't understand. If a man raises his voice, i shiver violently. I have nightmares about my father coming after me. I have seen him beat up complete strangers. He has broken down doors to get to my grandfather and beat him up. I have seen him try to run my step mother over with a car...i have seen so many frightful things. For years I would just sit back sielntly, sometimes I would cry ...but then i met someone I thought I knew well and we became engaged. After a few years..I saw more and more anger and noticed how well he and my father got along. It should have been my first sign. Out of the blue...I was suddenly my mother and my fiancee filled the role fo my father. He grew angry so fast and the anger came from no where and my body was covered in bruises...I arrived at work to find a dozen roses, his way of saying I'm sorry. I was so embaressed. How could he? I almost felt like he was bragging...he knew people would ask what the flowers were for, and as soon as they looked at my arms and my face they would have an answer. I stood there at work and thought about him hanging me by my neck against the wall and then throwing me to the floor, slamming kicks into my side....I was not going to relive the life of my mother. I quit my job. Moved. Left no forwarding address and made a new life. After that, i met someone else. Married and had a beautiful boy. Suddenly I had all the strength i have ever needed. I let my father control me for so long. He would be angry at me over a dream that he had the night before. He would say mean and hurtful things to me and then laugh. I always thought of him as a man with the mentality of a 16 yr old. I believe that the drugs have done so much damage that he isn't able to reason as an adult would. And now, I take control. My son will never see this side of my family. The side with so much anger. I no longer have a father. He is all alone, living with his bottle and his drugs. I have taken his grandson out of his life...and he douesn't seem to care. For he doesn't drink less...or get high less often....or seek professional help. He doesn't call to tell his grandson Merry Christmas or Happy Birthday. He loves his alcohol and drugs much more. Thank you for sharing your story...we all need a sounding board sometimes. It means so much.

Sincerely,

Hope