My fight with Cancer
Life is movement. We go up or down, and develop the best or worst of us in the journey. Some journeys are full of struggle...some are full of success. But the thing that makes for success is struggle and difficulty...for without difficulties to overcome, there would be no such thing as succeeding. Difficulties develop strength, resolution, resources. Problems are too often regarded as enemies, but they are not such. Storms and dangers alone make skilled sailors. The fiercest of foes develops your strength and your skill. So do not be frightened by problems and difficulties--or discouraged because of them. They are your opportunities for winning, your chances for success. -- Charles H. Parkhurst
My fight with Cancer
When I first found out I had cancer, I couldn't even say the "word". Nobody around me could, first stage is denial, no matter how strong a person you think you are, is devastating. For me, I was the first to get over the shock of those words, my family had a really hard time dealing with it, especially my son. First words out of his mouth were "Are you going to die?" Was horified for this child, tried to comfort him and tell him all the Doctors had told me, it is 85% curable, was caught early, all the things that give hope. I was given choices about treatments, experimental or the good ole chemo and radiation. In the beginning I chose Experimental, was supposed to put this awful thing into remission in 6 to 8 weeks. Was called Cell-Direct Radiation. I went for those 8 weeks, hoping and praying that this was going to work. I was really sick throught it all, but my spirits were good, needed that rainbow (yup is why the name to page) I met alot of people in the hospital with cancer, all of us fighting that same demon. The waiting room was so deadly quiet all the time, all of us locked into our own fight. I had myself convinced that I would only be here for 8 weeks, didn't need to talk to these people, didn't need to open that door to the pain of sharing this. How wrong I was.
I went for the testing and was told that nothing had changed, I was still a cancer patient. Was a heart breaking moment for me, I had myself convinced that it was the end of the road, little did I know was just the beginning for me. I went back for more Cell direct radiation, with a new outlook, I had to fight this thing that threatened my very existence. I had plans, a future, a son to see grow into a man, get married, have grandbabies. For the first 8 months I walked this road on my own, I went to treatments by myself, I did testing by myself. When I look back on it now, I realize that we all deal with things in our own way, my husband at the time, hid his head, didn't want to deal with it. It is why my marriage ended. I drew my strength from the inside, from my love of life, from rainbows. My oncologist changed me to Chemo and radiation in April of 98, I went thro a number of different drugs with no effect on my cancer. In May I found chat, I made friends here, friends that helped me to deal with what was happening to me. They walked that road with me, for the first time since I was diagnosed I had someone to talk to, to feel with, it made me come alive. Chemo and radiation is no picnic, is a awful thing, you are so very sick, but you also gain such a new outlook on this life we all are given. Sharing helped in so many ways.
When you start this fight you don't see the future, you see this day, you fight for this one day, to live it to the fullest. I was going to chemo and radiation 5 days a week and I would walk into the waiting room and I started to see these people. I would always smile now and say hello. This computer made me see. One man here, a wonderful friend, RT made me see to open my heart to all around would help in healing me. Two stories from that room stick in my heart. Go to page 3 and learn of Mya, and a young man with a heart as big as a lion. Ty.
