Master's treasure
i came on a bit early tonight to write, since i will be in class this evening til almost time for me to meet Master. i'm not used to journaling so early in the day, but in a way, it is kind of nice...
today i have been thinking a lot about the self confidence that goes along with being a slave. when i first was involved in this lifestyle, i had almost no self confidence or self esteem. partly that was due to the Master i was with at the time and His constant berating of me. nothing i did ever pleased Him, but much i did was displeasing, no matter how hard i tried. in the end, when His verbal abuse became physical abuse, i left, but by then was just a shell.
it has taken a long time for my self esteem to heal, but i know now it is in serious recovery. *s* i know this because when i go out into the world, i feel beautiful and strong, i can feel eyes on me, and i know it is because of my presence that i carry with me. i am still shy, but luckily, being able to carry oneself well goes a long way, and just makes you look mysterious when you don't talk, instead of awkward.
it's funny, i know i am not supermodel gorgeous, but i walk around as if i am. not that i am snooty about it, but, i just feel beautiful, mostly thanks to my wonderful Master who is always reminding me that i am His greatest treasure. still, i have a face that is lovely, pretty, not beautiful. i have a figure that hasn't been stylish since the Marilyn Monroe 50's, with ample feminine curves. i have alabaster skin, even after a long lovely summer, because i can't tan for the life of me. of course, i also have striking emerald green eyes (my best feature, in my opinion).
no, i'm not trying to write a personal ad for myself, i guess i am just trying to figure out why, when i know i am not gorgeous, i feel that way now. when i walk around in the world, i carry that with me. maybe part of it is that there is so much more security in being a possession than simply a woman in a relationship. there is a security to that that doesn't exist in any other kind of relationship. i am a possession; chosen, cared for, coveted. i am free to be utterly feminine in my Masters care, for i know He will protect me, shield me from harm.
so off i go again, into the world, my head held high, soft smile on my lips. i am beautiful, i am slave, i am my Master's treasure. there is no more that any woman could long for.
til next W/we meet, be well and happy --di.