belonging
There are no measures for the blessings we receive. Only by imagining how our lives might have gone if they had not come to us, can we begin to appreciate their brilliance and power. True love is such a blessing. If you have found it, may you always know it as the wondrous gift it is --Robert Sexton
i am feeling awfully tired today. i tossed and turned a lot last night, and had a really really strange dream about Master.
i dreamt that He and i were in a car on some kind of a trip and things kept going wrong. W/we kept getting lost and W/we lost the map at one point, and the hotel W/we were supposed to stay at lost O/our reservations, and the rest of them didn't allow cats (for some reason, Oscar was with U/us, which is weird cause He doesn't usually travel with me). anyway, He just kept smiling and saying not to worry, that He would take care of things, and i don't know if He did or not (though i am sure He did *grin*) cause i woke up.
the other reason i slept badly is cause it was so dang cold in the house. i found out this morning it was cause my roommate left the bathroom window open (not smart when it is 40 degrees outside at night). i had three blankets on the bed and was just shivery cold. from now on i am going to check that window before i go to bed!
i have been thinking a lot today about things with Master, and how they are growing and changing. sometimes the changes are fairly subtle, but there is at least a little growth or change every day and the cumulative changes are pretty amazing sometimes. when i look back at who i was in attitude and such just a few months ago, i see a real difference. He is pulling me out of my shyness, with Him at least, and out of my insecurities, though those old fears do still creep up from time to time.
there is a calmness to me every day now, and a happiness that i haven't felt in a very long time. i have a lot of security, and i feel very loved, and very submissive to Him.
partly i am thinking about this because Master said He was ruining me for all Others *giggle* and He is so right. there is no way now that i would be happy with Anyone but Him. there is a lot about that for Him that is a big responsibility, but for me it is such... i can't even explain it, like a large weight has been lifted from my shoulders. i know who i belong with (Master) and where (at His feet, or wherever He chooses me to be). i know my place in life and there is so much security and pleasure... happiness... in that.
at this point, i can't even picture myself with Anyone else. He makes me so happy... and makes me feel so alive, so loved... it really is amazing to me sometimes.
i am going to sound a little silly saying this but, it is almost as though the hard things i had to go through in the past were just sort of to make me appreciate Him more. and i do appreciate Him so much. i am amazed by Him every day.
well, am off for a quickie shower then back here to see if Master comes on tonight. i do hope He does... cause it will mean He is feeling better! (He's been so sick lately, and i hate it that there isn't more i can do).
til next W/we meet be well and happy--di.