Gratitude
There are no measures for the blessings we receive. Only by imagining how our lives might have gone if they had not come to us, can we begin to appreciate their brilliance and power. True love is such a blessing. If you have found it, may you always know it as the wondrous gift it is -- Robert Sexton
got on a little late tonight cause my roommate was on the computer *sigh* so i am starting this late again like last night. i hate that, cause i really like having the time to sit and think about what i write rather than rushing through it. i ought to have written before work today, but then i might not have had as much to wrote about so early *giggle* oh well, six of one, half a dozen of the other *shrug*
i have been in a really good mood most of the day. still am a little worried about Master being sick, but overall happy cause i got to spend more time with Him than usual last night and cause He promised W/we would have time alone together tonight *grin*.
i spent a good chunk of the day working on Master's birthday presents, which are mostly all done. i only have a couple things left to do, still. i really wanted to make this birthday special for Him, but with us so far apart, it has been really hard to think of ways to do that... still, i think He will like what i came up with. at least He knows i have spent much time and effort on it! *giggle*.
it's been really fun for me to do all this for Him. i'm so excited about it all! spending the time to really think about what would please Him, and then to spend the time working on it, knowing it is all for the man i love... it really makes my heart sing.
i talked to d. for a long time last night. i am worried about him; he seems sort of "off" if that makes sense. i think the concert going badly took a real toll on him, and the fight with his Mistress the same night, and the things lm has said about him... it just all has really gotten under his skin. i've tried to be as much of a comfort as i can be, but it's hard. he is the only person i know who worries about stuff more than i do. luckily, i've been able to let go of all my worries once i offer them up to Master, releasing them... he isn't able to do the same thing. this is another reason i am glad i am a slave. knowing my Master owns my thoughts and my emotional state and will take care of them induces so much security for me. i am very lucky that way.
if i weren't able to trust all these things to Master and let them go the way i do, i would be a way worse mess than d.
i am really grateful, in that regard, for Master's patience with me. He has always been so good about that. He doesn't lose His temper easily, and that amazes me, i am so in awe of Him for that, because other Masters i have been with would get so very very angry at me over the least little thing. and once their temper flared, i would get more scared and upset, then They would get angrier, and it would turn into a vicious circle. it is so different with Master, i don't know how He does it, but i think it is amazing. He is always so kind and so gentle with me.
there is much about Master that i am grateful for and amazed by, and that is only one. i wonder sometimes if He knows how much i truly am in awe of Him, how when i gaze up at Him with worshipful eyes, i am not just putting on an act. i do adore and worship Him completely. i think He is extraordinary, and the more i get to know Him, the deeper that gets.
Master and i have talked about making it through the infatuation phase where You think the other person is perfect before W/we make a commitment, but the funny thing is, for me, the more i get to know Him, the more extraordinary i think He is. oh, i know He isn't perfect (just perfect for this slave *giggle*), He is human, just like me, and W/we all have human failings. what amazes me the most, i think, is that as time goes by i discover that the things i have always wished and prayed for in a Mate i am finding in Him... things that i didn't think one could find wrapped up all in one amazing Person.
i am so very grateful for Him, i thank God every day for sending me into that dungeon and into His world.
til next W/we meet be well and happy, --di.