This was posted anonymously to a newsgroup.  There was no clue as to the author, or even whether or not the poster was the author.  If you have any information about this article, i would love to have some.  To give my own personal slant on things here... i like control, a lot of control (no not having it, being controlled by Someone else).  Physical control is a ~lot~ easier to bear than mental control.  In fact, i am personally far less likely to resist within myself when it's a matter of physical control.  Mental control though, that's what scares me.  The vulnerability it creates is extreme, and i've been burned a couple of times by Doms who didn't realize what the effects of their mental control could be.  i post this here as a warning, both to the controllers and the controllees.  Be careful with mind games, cause those scars go deeper and last longer than any other ever could.

It has just as many names as there are risks: the bitching game. Verbal humiliation, teasing and mentally taking her to her limits. This is not about calling her names, but about mocking her agony. In it's simplest form: "Oh dear, does it hurt so much? Here, let me give you some more!"

Before we go into detail in this section, please allow us to say (more than) a few words about mental sadism - because that is what we are talking about here - and its effects and potential dangers. It is so easy to do and it almost slips in without both partners being aware of it. Let us start with a real life example.

Several years ago an inexperienced dominant started a casual relationship with a really not overly bright submissive. Both their intentions where good. She was a nice young woman and he intended no harm at all. But ....... she was slightly overweight. Nothing much, just a tummy that needed some "attention". She thought it would be great if he taught her some discipline in this area, he thought he was actually helping her and so they started doing figure corrections each time they met, sort of as the start of their session. She was made to stand up straight, her tummy was measured each time to record her progress and each session she was mildly criticized for being "fat" (she wasn't really fat, just slightly overweight). This continued for several months until the relationship finally didn't work out and each went their separate ways. So far, so good.

However ...... a year later she was in deep financial trouble with debts mounting up on top of each other. She was behind on rent, in arrears on her personal bank loan and close to having to live on the streets. Almost all of her troubles were the result of endless, usually expensive, weight loss programs and products. As we said, she wasn't very bright. She had a less than average job with less than average pay and really couldn't afford expensive diet programs and products. All of which where the result of - you guessed it - the "harmless" figure correction games. And it took an experienced BDSM couple well over a year to deprogram the sub and help her regain her self-respect (not to mention getting rid of her debts).

This is how easily these seemingly harmless games can implant very dangerous mental seeds.

When it comes to BDSM nothing can be taken for granted and nothing should "just" be done, since nothing is harmless, not even the smallest of thingsA few "misguided" words can have devastating effects. Just how easy these things slip in is something almost every therapist can tell you. They can also tell you in great detail how much time, work, effort and money it costs to get rid of such mental implants, if this works at all.

Impotency - apart from a few who really have physical problems - for example is largely a mental thing and most often the result of either having been turned down one time too often during puberty or - even worse - the result of a parent who thought itt was a good idea to "scare these wet dreams away" by telling their son how he would not be able to have children later or how he would become seriously ill. Not every man becomes impotent as a result of these things but some - the ones receptive to such mental implants - do. And you just cannot tell from the outside who is receptive and who is not.

Strangely enough, those who will cry "abuse!!!" when it comes to situations like these almost always are also the ones seeking help for their problems in the wrong area: namely the BDSM-realm and many people do so without even knowing they do.

And that is where the problem with mental sadism - no matter how mild - is. Within the context of a BDSM-relationship (casual or not) these mental games are not without risk.  People with insufficient background knowledge of each other can easily, mentally, harm their partner, dominant or submissive alike. because of the trust and the intensity of the moment, things are likely to hit home more seriously. A sub, criticizing an inexperienced dominant, may easily be the cause of his loss of self-confidence and even his self-respect. A dom telling a sub what she has to do is conditioning her - like it or not - and as a result WILL create changes in her personality. Minor changes maybe, but still.

This is one reason why any therapeutical problem should not be dealt with in a BDSM-context. But we're not just talking about those, unlucky enough to have to live with a traumatic experience. Perfectly strong, well-adjusted people can easily become the victim of "misplanted" mental seeds.  Simply because the intensity of the BDSM-situation and the hormonal activity during active play will make people (submissives especially) much more receptive for such mental implants. Small pieces of information (in psychological terms known as "nemes" - the mental counterpart of "genes") are just as important as genetic codes and usually have the same - lasting - effects.

All this doesn't mean to say that the dominant only should be careful. People - doms and subs alike - entering into a BDSM-situation should be aware of the potential risks and dangers and are equally responsible for the consequences. People who are unaware of especially the psychological/mental effects of BDSM simply do not belong in the BDSM-realm! Tough statement? Sure, but very true. The fact of the matter is that if you are unaware of the psychological effects of what you are entering into (and psychology is more than half of the entire BDSM-situation) you should stay out of it or educate yourself.

Next to that, people, again doms and subs alike, should be aware of all consequences, ideally well before they actively enter into anything and accept the fact that there are risks, mainly psychological ones. Blaming the other if things turn sour doesn't help, doesn't even make sense and in fact is pretty childish. Being aware of the consequences - or at least being aware of the fact that there WILL be consequences - and accepting that fact is the mature way of dealing with things.

So yes, there are health warnings when it comes to mental play. You won't bleed or break an arm as a result of mental implants. And that is the problem. You cannot see what the effects are until much later and at that point it will usually be much too late to do anything about it.   Bottom line: look before you leap, be realistic about the situation and be careful, even with what seems to a simple thing like "honey, if you call this being wet, the Sahara is an ocean".