The answers to the following FAQs have been formulated with the help of both online and other resources. We have attempted to give a balanced, reasonable reply to each question. However, Project Q is by no means the last word in homosexuality. Check out our reading list or these links to do some further research.
Homosexuality can be broadly defined as an emotional and sexual attraction to members of the same sex, just as heterosexuality is an emotional and sexual attraction to members of the opposite sex.
Some people experience sexual attraction (though not necessarily in exactly the same form) to both sexes. This is often called bisexuality.
Note that attraction is not the same as activity. A person may have sexual encounters with the opposite sex and still be homosexual. This may be due directly to societal pressures (trying to "pass" as heterosexual), or indirectly, from confusion resulting from such pressures (perhaps trying to convince oneself of being heterosexual).
Both men and women can be gay or bisexual, although some consider that 'gay' only refers to men, and that homosexual women should be referred to as 'lesbians'. In this site, and many others, however, 'gay' refers to both homosexual men and women.
Transsexuality or transgenderism is when your mental or psychic gender (sex) is not the same as your biological gender (for example, one may feel like a woman 'trapped' in a man's body).
"Queer" was originally a derogatory term used to abuse (mostly) gay men and lesbians. Recently, however, "queer" has been used to denote anyone in a sexual minority (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered). By stripping the word of its negative connotations, in the way that "gay" has been, activists hope to reclaim it as an inclusive term for the whole community.
Being gay/bisexual may take the form of crushes, a desire to hold hands, kiss, have a relationship, and of course, most directly, a desire to have sex with members of the same sex. However, in Singapore, details of gay relationships are not often made easily available to the young (in contrast to heterosexual partnering which is prominently depicted in many movies, television programmes and printed media). This often results in an inability to express or recognise homosexual desire, since there is nothing to compare feelings with. Many people are physically intimate (hugging, cuddling, possibly even kissing on the cheek) with members of the same sex, yet are not gay/bisexual. The degree to which this happens depends on your upbringing and culture.
Having sex with a person of the same sex does not neccessarily mean that you are gay, just as having sex with a person of the opposite sex does not mean you are heterosexual. Behaviour is often closely related to emotions and desires, but they are not the same thing. A lesbian may choose to remain celibate (never have sex) but still identify as lesbian. Many men and women "come out" as gay after a (heterosexual) marriage, and say that they were gay all along but were in denial or too afraid to explore their sexuality.
The best thing to do if you are unsure of your sexual preference is not to worry too much about defining and labelling yourself. Attraction is a mysterious thing. There is nothing automatically wrong with feeling desire for and having sex or a romantic relationship with somebody of the same sex. Explore your sexuality by meeting more gay/bisexual people, reading books on the topic or just personal inspection. Homosexual sex can be as fulfilling and pleasurable as heterosexual sex.
How do I know if I'm transsexual?
How many people in Singapore are homosexual?
At the moment we are not aware of any surveys of sufficient scale or reliability carried out in Singapore. However, if being homosexual is not reliant on culture, it seems reasonable to assume that the Singaporean population is like the population of other countries in terms of proportions of people who are queer. American and European studies put this figure at about 4 to 5 percent of the total population.
Coming out can mean many different things. To some, 'coming out' to yourself means the personal realisation that you are gay/bisexual. However, most people in the queer community use the term to mean declaring your sexuality to others, whether it be other queer people, your parents, relatives or friends.
Coming out is often a major decision for queer people in the society we live in, because most people assume that somebody is straight until she says she's not. Coming out therefore challenges preconceptions. Many people have stereotypical ideas, however vague, about how queer people behave. Coming out may shock them, or it may make them think of you differently (they may assume you behave in a certain way). Eventually, however, most reasonable people will come to accept you for what you are. They may even change the way they think about queer people.
While it can be difficult or even dangerous to come out, and not everyone is a reasonable person, it is also true that living life in the closet can be both emotionally damaging and could be called unethical (if you believe that dishonesty is wrong).
Where do I meet other queer people in Singapore?
Queer people of course are everywhere, and once you are openly queer, it may be easier to meet other queer people. However, there are areas and situations in which queer people gather, and people are more obviously queer (inhibitions perhaps reduced by being around so many other queer people. Strength in numbers).
In Singapore, the internet is a good way to meet other queer people. IRC (Internet Relay Chat) has many channels, for example #gam and #gayteens@sg which are frequented by many people located in Singapore. There are also queer personals pages such as Auntie Teck and Sg Boy, and meetings organised via the internet, either on mailing lists such as Signel, or by organisations with webpages such as this one or PLU.
Clubs and pubs are another place to meet other queer people. The atmosphere can be more obviously sexual which may or may not be to your liking. In Singapore, however, some clubs are only 'queer' on certain nights of the week. Also, do not underestimate the power of networking. If you know a few queer people, ask them to introduce you to others. Meeting people who are just coming out can bring out a form of 'maternal instinct' in many queer people, so you will generally be treated well.
Homophobia is the irrational belief that queer people are inferior or bad. It may involve negative stereotyping of queer people, such as the belief that all gay men are child molesters (or have a secret desire to molest children) and that all lesbians hate men. Homophobia often arises from an incomplete understanding of queer people.
Unfortunately, many otherwise rational people are homophobic due to the nature of society in Singapore. Sex and sexuality are topics rarely openly discussed. Sex education in schools is either medical/biological (and hence far removed from sexuality, which is emotional and mental) or rigid and paternalistic. It is also too often focussed on behaviour and not on feelings (again, sex, not sexuality). Just because a respected person is homophobic does not mean that homophobia is right or justified.
What is "internalised homophobia"?
"Internalised homophobia" is a term used to describe certain unconscious self-destructive attitudes held by queer men and women, as well as people who are in other ways supportive of queer men and women. It is a result of growing up in a culture which is homophobic, and therefore inevitably absorbing some negative values.
An example of internalised homophobia is a dislike of "obvious" gay men or women. This is based on several assumptions and fears, including gender stereotypes (there is a 'correct' way to be a man or woman) and the fear that being associated or seen with "obviously" gay people will lower other people's opinion of you.
Do queer people behave differently from heterosexuals?
First of all, queer people are a diverse group, as are heterosexuals. Other than sexual orientation, there is more difference within the queer population than between queer people on average and heterosexual people on average (just as there are more differences between individual Chinese than between "the average Chinese person" and "the average Malay person"). Therefore any general trends observed actually tell us very little about the individual.
Some studies have been conducted which show that gay men may be slightly more "female" psychologically and lesbians more "male" than the average men and women respectively. These tests include tests of mental spatial ability, tests of verbal skills, and tests of physical ability.
Some queer people deliberately behave differently in order to emphasize the unfairness and rigidity of traditional gender roles.
Is homosexuality a passing phase?
Homosexuality is as deep and profound a sexual orientation as heterosexuality, and is unlikely to be a passing phase. Although some heterosexual adults claim to have engaged in homosexual activity when they were younger, it must be noted that they were not homosexuals. Activity and orientation are different things. (see "How do I know if I am gay?")
To say that homosexuality is a "phase" is insulting to many gay men and lesbians because it implies that they are somehow "stuck" in an adolescent or immature sexual state.
Can you change your sexual orientation?
History is full of failed attempts to "convert" homosexuals to heterosexuality. "Scientific" methods used include electroshock therapy, hormone treatments, psychoanalysis, and even testicle implants from heterosexual men. Religions (most notably the religious-right in America) have also attempted to "reclaim" homosexuals by prayer, exorcism and various other methods.
Most recently (last year), the religious-right in America have launched a nationwide "ex-gay" campaign trying to convince gay men and women to come to them for help to become heterosexual again. This and other attempts to change sexual orientation have been condemned by the American Psychiatric Association. In fact, any successes in changing behaviour are often short-term, and the homosexuals involved are often left mentally (and sometimes physically) scarred by the attempt to become heterosexual.
Is homosexuality a mental disease?
Homosexuality used to be regarded as a disease. However, anyone who has done any serious thinking about it now agrees that it is not. Homosexuality is as "natural" and "healthy" as heterosexuality. The only disadvantage homosexuals are at in Singapore is social, not physical or mental.