TANGILBE SIN

I cannot find the words to say how you've made me feel

You’ve stolen the center of my world and now it's off keel

You used to run your fingers though my hair

I believed you loved me, that you cared

Now I like here alone in the dark

Listening to the sound of my broken heart

I used to think you were my life

Now those thoughts cut like a knife

You'd rub my neck your hands so deft

The tensions there but you have left

Your lips would kiss me their touch so light

I think of their tenderness with all of my might

I look at how my life seems so empty now

This void that you have caused some how

If you came back, I'd ask you to leave

For only thoughts of you cause me to grieve

My days come and go and I don’t bat an eye

Too numb to ask questions, like "why"

But I now that as long as I feel your breath on my skin

I'm a slave to the memory of our tangible sin.

*9.6.94*

WEST

We are told that roses are red and violets are blue

And that love, when it is said will always be true.

But I stand before you now with my arms outstretched wide

And yell in your face, "the fool who said that lied!"

I found a man to live with, I gave him my heart and my soul

I soared like a hawk on a thermal

Now my heart lies bleeding in a dark hole

I offered my hand like a healer

He bit it like a dog with disgust

I didn’t see my obsession smother

But now my life is ruled by a test

I feel love and loathing swelling in my chest

As I exist on my own, longing for a place to rest

No longer guiding my life by the stars

Knowing my destination awaits me, due west.

*9.15.94*

WHO HOLDS YOU

Who holds you, when you're alone and cold?

And he's thousands of miles away

And a phone call only makes the cold night cut deeper

Who holds you, when you're alone and cold?

And that tribe of men encircles you

Their scorching touch leaves you burning for one

Who holds you, when you're alone and cold?

The man with a bruised heart and chameleon eyes

Whose touch alone can quench the fire that consumes your very soul

Who holds you, when you're alone and cold?

Is it the memory of the night to come

With your two bodies writhing on the floor

A scared passion in a pagan dance

That no god could deny its worshipers

Who holds you, when you're alone and cold.

*11.94*

Teacher

I close my eyes in the dark to remember

His strong hands touch me gently

The smoothness of his skin is still a thrill

I long to feel it through the working day

And ache for his presence all night

Our times together are dear memories

Their passions holding my hunger at bay

'Till the next time I can feed on his flesh

I sing his name during the day

And at night his name is whispered in holy tones

I fell complete with his touch

Yet a void when he is gone

Let him come to me tonight

And spend the rest of our lives in my arms

He is my teacher of love

And this pupil's attentions is captivated

*2.2.95*

ONE PIRATE

The man I love has left my arms

He has sailed to other, exotic shores

Yet only to return to a more peaceful sea

And the harbor he left for me

I know not why I cared for him so

In truth the winds that sent him to me had filled his sail a time or two and made him a wiser navigator

But being with him in this day was finding the eye in the tempest for how he as passed my way

I feel the winds bare sown again

With longing look I scan the horizon

in awe of the speed at which carried him away

to the docks that he calls home and only he can be at peace

I know that someday I'll find a new boat

That will carry my heart to far off places

Yet even as that vision grows brighter

That one pirate of the heart has buried that treasured memory.

*10.19.95*

STILL HERE

I wonder what you are doing tonight.

Are you happy, happier with out me?

I've told myself to move on.

I had myself convinced I did

Even had my friends believing it

Then that familiar scent reaches me so sweet, so light, so you.

I go out and catch myself looking at strangers

I admire their looks, their self confidence

And then, I see you in them, and I turn away.

I go shopping and see things you'd love

You haunt me like no ghost ever can

Your hold on me is so complete.

Your smooth skin, your sweet smell.

Your strong hands, your tender lips

The are all lost to me now.

I don’t know what I did wrong

But I'm lost in you still, and I'm still lost in you

Sometimes I curse the night we met

But then id never had love you

Was that my mistake

To love a man who was wild and free

Or to love a man who wasn’t free to love

All I know is I'm still here

I'm still waiting.

*6.9.96*

Longing

stop it now! Stop acting as if you care.

The pecks on the cheeks, the affectionate pats.

Must be halted now!

Don’t show me any kind of endearments

Don’t give me any kind of hints

Of what used to be.

O don’t you see how I crave them

Can you see how I hang on for them

How I long for you

How I wish them to be true.

But stop it now! Stop encouraging this

For it can never be

Don’t you see how I can't love you again.

I beg you to stop it now.

*7.5.97*

THIS GATHERING

I watch you move through this group of people.

How you glide past your greetings.

And I only wish happiness for you.

I share a part of your past.

And at times I still dream about us.

The way we used to be together.

But a guest can only be a gay fixture.

So I put on my best 'hello' and 'thank you' smiles.

To keep the day bright and cheery.

I know no one else sees me as I feel.

How I want to be alone with you.

And that's the smile I wear for others.

As long as no one knows the truth.

I feel so save and secure.

My only fear is you might recognize this grin.

So we dance through this gathering of friends.

But hoping they don't see how i try,

To avoid this dancing with you.

I cannot hurt those closest to you now.

So even if my heart begs to be with you now.

I'll be strong to what i hold dear.

And keep you an honest man.

*7.5.97*.

BLACK HILLS GOLD

As I tired to pass the time away

We talked of such little things

Tattoos, chains and baubled selves

Until I saw the two little rings

I asked what they were

When the answer I already guessed

You calmly said "black hills"

Metal I cared not, so onward I pressed

I looked at the pattern etched on the side

Of a leaf winding all around

And thought of the emotions they hold

On the two fingers that were bound

I finally coaxed out the truth

Of a marriage that was true

But as happens with men of clay

One had to leave to pay a due

You offered this truth to me I fell

With a fear I would not be kind

But you'll never know how your honest reply

Brought your soul closer to mine

You friendly smile and casual ease

They hide these emotions you shoulder

Belying the true youth of your heart

And creating a look that’s much older

So thank you for your letting me see into your soul

And finding a man whose measure

Shines as bright as two black hills bands

But is richer than any king's treasure

*3.21.95*

THREE LEGGED RACE

How can you be fond of me

How did I catch your eye

Before we shared our first hello

You thought I was saying goodbye

We shared a little dance

While watching bottles with the eyes of an eagle

The sound deafened, the beat drived

With no chance to even mingle

I stayed with you on that first night

My desires were uncontainable

My friends were stunned to silence

Because for once I was not reachable

You’ve stroked my fur in a pleasurable way

And made my whole body sing

You stand before me, a simple man

But o the complex feelings you bring

Since then, we've had many nights

Locked in a lovers embrace

You tied to me and I tied to you

In this, our three legged race

*3.29.95*

THAT NIGHT

The words you spoke to me that night Stole the breath from my lungs

If we live forever, or in a flash we're gone

I'll live with these memories of what's to come

Of that cool, breezy, starry night

You spoke of such fond feelings

Telling me of your heart and dreams

But underneath, there's a deeper meaning

From the sounds of the crowd that night

I heard you tell me a tale

Of a love of old and a love for new

Had make your life fish tail

For on that early spring night

A confession from you grew

That I was that new love you wanted

But what I kept silent was” I love you too"

*4.3.95*

ART

I am at a loss as to how I feel

I haven't heard from you at all

You think you could, my emotion sense

But I'm not curled in some fetal ball

Its true I'm missing you

That I think of you more than usual

But our history stops my thoughts

From hanging me over some emotional wall

From the first day that we met I knew I could never have your heart

For someone else is the keeper here

Of this rare and modern work of art

Our time together was fleeting I know

Its light was warm, and shown on many

My contribution as a labor sown.

But if it was heavy I don’t remember

Of a time it took to the ground or so burdensome I couldn’t move

Or robbed me of my breath and sound

I'm letting you return to the happy curator

And I hope I've not marred the canvas or frame

But maybe, just maybe a color of me will remain

And make your life more richer just the same.

*10.19.95*