Joey's Story: Joey was born 9/6/71 in Leonardtown, Maryland. He was the first born of my boys. He was always funny, sweet, smart and kind hearted. I could go on for hours about all the things Joey was but I want to tell his story from the perspective of an abused child and a young man tormented by his sexuality. I concede that this is only a mothers perspective. But, it's all I have left.
Joey's high school years were pretty bad for him. He was harassed, tormented, taunted, you name it. And he never told me how bad it really was. He always tried to protect me. That haunts me.
Our family is pretty open about our discussions. I frequently asked him if he had 'slept' with anyone yet. He always replied no. He told me that probably he was 'asexual'. I do know of two attempts he made to sleep with two different girls. I do know of 'relationships' he had with a few guys. I do not know if he ever consumated those relationships. When I ask his friends what they think his sexuality was, they say that he was probably bi-sexual. I do not know if this is protection of secrets Joey told them, or if it is the truth.
There are many aspects that make up this story. Drugs, bi-polar syndrome, and child abuse. I will take them one at a time.
When he was 17, Joey told me that my youngest brother had molested him for about a year when he was only 6 years old. I remember noticing a change in Joey but I attributed to his dislike of school. I never never suspected. Because I had been molested, I believed Joey when he said he was ok with it, that he didn't need counseling, didn't need me to kill my brother. I just tried to keep him away from the person who hurt him so badly.
In 1994, when Joey was 22, he moved to Washington, DC. He told me later that he had moved there to die. He was absolutely hooked on drugs and I did not know. He was extremely thin, but I attributed it to his being a vegetarian and poor eating habits.He thought he could move away, go unnoticed and overdose himself, I guess. But he did not realize how charismatic he is and as usual, he made many many friends. And they fought for him. For a time he was a roadie for the Norman Mayer Group and they are strictly drug free. It wasn't enough. However, when he died, he had been over 120 days heroin and cocaine free.
Bi-polar: Manic depressive. Joey had incredible highs and lows. When he was up, he was magnificient. When he was down, it was if he moved through quicksand.
I got an email today from a friend of Joey's:
Any how...... I hope I can see you. I have your web page address. The only thing I know to say about it at this moment is: Thank you. Reading it brought back Alot of really good memories. Alot of which I needed to get in touch with again. Alot of emptiness now. I don't like to talk to anyone, and I feel a little awkward talking(writing) to you about Joey, but He and I were not very close for the past couple of years, and I regret it sooo much. I missed him. I miss him now. He made me a more understanding person, than I use to be. Maybe it was the way I was brought up, but the changes in myself, I owe to him. The two people who have touched me.... Joey and Beverly. I am scared... I wish I didn't live so far away. I miss you guys.
I've got to go. I am getting deeper and deeper in to territory I don't want to travel.
See? this is just one small bit of how he touched people.
Here's another memory:
i am wishing i was there with you.. talking with amy brought back lots of joey memories.. cant get him out of my mind was wishing he'd walk up to us at that lunch table this afternoon.. sit down and smile that smile.. say something embarrassing.. anything...
A sweetie sent me this poem...tis so true
God gave a loaf by Emily Dickinson God gave a loaf to every bird, But just a crumb to me; I dare not eat it, though I starve-- My poignant luxury To own it, touch it, prove the feat That made the pellet mine, Too happy in my sparrow chance For ample coveting. It might be famine all around I could not miss an ear, Such plenty smiles upon my board, My garner shows so fair. I wonder how the rich may feel, An Indiaman-- an Earl? I deem that I with but a crumb Am sovereign of them all.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~