Quotes

I collect quotations. My one interesting work, I suppose. I find that taken out of context, they are funnier than there were in context. Some are examples of idiocy, others are sad reminders of society, and some just are wierd. Enjoy. Quotations, from earliest to latest, undated. -You're a disaster- Sr. Rollan -But there are only 12 hours in a day!- Janet -One in twenty-five seagulls is a lesbian- Maureen -I saw Jimmy Hoffa on the ceiling...along with PeeWee Herman and other people- Maureen -He should die, omigod he's gay or something!- Janet -Pardon me, your chest got in the way?- Mr. Mayo -I would like to grind your face into a rubbery pulp! I would like to drag you behind my car until you're beheaded!- Mum -I know it's wrong, but in my head it's right!- Joe -But what about the four? It's all alone!- Joe -What a homo- classmate -Feathers, feathers, everywhere, and still no bawwk or cluck!- Janet (owner of chickens) -That was when China was still under Communist rule, right?- Alec -...Crap- Mr. Mayo -I love math. I loooove math- Fr. Doyle -Rrrrrrrrrabbit!- Me (demonic mood) -The hula headbanger!- Mr. Marusa (in reference to me) -*This* is Captain Dick!- Janet (with a little paper hat on her finger, drawing a face on it) -I like smurfs- Janet (no explanation needed) -'Yes! No!...I'm...' 'Get up here!'- classroom exchange -Oh, damnit, it won't fit!- Janet -Its not like that! Oh, shut up, Sushi, shove it!- Janet -You're a faggot-Brian -She abuses me- Seth (in reference to me, I think) -I can't read mine, it's written in Hebrew- Seth (mocking me) -You are a disgrace to the family, and I disown you!- Seth -It wasn't me!- Dan -'Just wondering sir, why are you stabbing yourself in the thigh?' 'Because it feels so good when I stop'- classroom exchange (between myself and Mr. Mayo, over the Catholic mindset) -Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah- Sr. Rollan -Are you acting queer today?- Brian -Gay- Spike (hissing at me) -Woof- Mum -Would you lke to be a faery? I promise it won't hurt!- Janet (in regards to I know not what) -Ping!- Janet (turning me into more of a faery than I already was) -Duffer wants you, Duffer wants you!- classmate -Why is she in my way?- Joe -Hey, isn't that the gay teletubby?- classmate -God, I love you- Spike (who will never admit he actually said that to me) -Doesn't that rainbow mean you're gay? See, I learned *something* from watching 'The Real World' in fourth grade!- classmate -Does this look gay?- insensitive classmate -You are scum- Mum -[He's] a flaming homo!- classmate -Are you gay?- classmate (Well, duh) -Are you a homo?- classmate (I'd rather not use that word...) -I'm going to kill all homos- classmate (He said this. I'm not kidding.) -At least if you bite me I won't get tetanus!- Mr Mayo -Squeegee guys- Mr. Mayo -Smile...it's the second best thing you can do with your lips- Acid -Hey Dan...When I think about you I touch myself!- Joe -You *are* scum- Mum -Flaming homo!- classmate (who doesn't even know what flaming means) -Cruel and deranged little person...-Dad -How do you molest a dog?- classmate -You could call it Slap-it-on Molest-a-bitch- Dad (answering above question) -Here hangs Bob [the 3-toed sloth]- Janet (referring to the accomanpying picture for my poem about the 3-toed sloth) -I'll make [the pentagram] all pretty!- Janet (after I drew said pentagram on her Scripture binder) -I'm going to frame this!- classmate (referring to lipstick stains, I think) -I just like rubbing it in- Dan (take that one as you will!) -Hi Evil-OW!- Janet (greeting me) -I don't have anything- Mrs. Reidy (obviously) -Christina and Sushi are friends. Christina thinks Sushi's psycho and her skirt's too long. Sushi thinks Christina's psycho and her skirt's too short- Christina -Moses was a fruitcake- Janet -See, I can talk to Sushi [insert garbled mess of sound, completely unintelligible, here]- classmate -Can I feel that?- Joe -You know if you put a book sock over your head you look like a mouse?- classmate -Little bunny foo foo...-Maureen -Mambo mambo mambo mambo mambo mambo- classmate (with no cause that I could tell) -You smell like poo- Rebecca -I popped like 20 of them- classmate (no, I have no idea what he's talking about) -I love you- Rebecca -Who did the voice of Bugs bunny?- classmate -You stink!- classmate to teacher (rude little bastard) -I'm telling on you!- classmate -The students like to shave their asses- Mr. Marusa (he gets away with it, just think of differing contexts) -Ooh! I have to go change my tampon!- classmate (I'm not sure if she was serious or not) -Probably some deep dark psychological trauma...could I have an envelope please?- Dad -'You have to concentrate on paying attention! Concentrate on ME!' 'Give in to the Dark Side...' classroom exchange (between me and the psychopathic teacher) -You're such an asshole!- Betsey (you'd have to know Betsey..sweet little girl really, so cute..and she comes out with that sort of shite too.) -Soy muy caliente. I'm very horny- Tom (He can't speak Spanish, so he pisses me off with what little he knows) -It must be a goth thing- Mr. Marusa (picking on me) -How do girls pee on the seat?- Mr. Marusa (some things are best left unasked...) -Try not to get the seat wet!- Mr. Marusa (calling after girl on way to bathroom) -Die, die die, my darling- Malgorzata (said while smiling sweetly at me) -If it weren't for your misfortunes, I'd be a heavenly person today- Orgy -The faggots are burning!- Janet -By saying ambiguous you will be perfectly precise- Dad -I am not resorting to being a little foo foo fuckup!- Jenn -Do I have to hit you over the head or something?- teacher -I'm fun to play with!- classmate (said during speech) -Perfect time for a machine gun- Me (very demonic mood regarding a pep rally) -When they're praying nobody's looking- Me (see above) -There never was a reason [for living]- Malgorzata -To be awake is to be alive- Thoreau -I'm tired now so I'm gonna sit...well duh!- Michelle -Like, take me now!- classmate (No thank you.) -I'm planning to bomb the school- classmate (I didn't say it! He was joking anyway!) -Just living is reason to die- Me -I'm so sorry!- Mike -I'm such an idiot. Oh well, you will have to die- Me -You're a flaming homo- classmate (don't they have any new vocabulary?) -Black: it goes with anything. You can wear it to a wedding, you can wear it to a funeral- Angela -Florida is worse than here- Angela -I'm gonna kill that dickhole!- Janet -I need a thing- Janet (I don't know either) -It has to go in order or else I'll go insane!- Janet (she says a lot of odd things, doesn't she?) -Meet the musical creatures taht live among the flowers!- Janet -That's fucked up. You don't have a thing- Janet -Decrepit! That's my new favourite word, it's like perpetual but it isn't!- Janet -Carrots are not like lemmings- Me (long story...) -Do you live in a yellow submarine?- Me (I asked everyone I saw that one day) -Stop Quacking at me!- stranger (in reference to the French language) -Somebody stole my car! Ha ha!- Joe -Faith, Hope and Love...and the greatest of these is Hatred- Rob -Life is an addiction- Me -We're all stars now, in the dope show, I want it that way, so hit me baby just one more time!- Me, Michelle, and Angela (No, I don't recall the drug we must have been taking to come up with that) -I think that [Marilyn Manson] should sacrifice [the BSB] on tour- classmate (I put this in because she's the kind of girl that you would think loved the BSB and NSUCK, etc, but she doesn't, just to disprove a stereotype) -Is that Elvis?- classmate -Big German dude in lederhosen....SCARY- Me -Speak to me in any language and I still won't understand you- Me -Where the men are men and the sheep are afraid- Dad (my father is a sick guy sometimes) -Just remember: Reality is for those people who can't handle drugs- Dad (gotta love him!) -I AM A BARBITUATE!- Me -He doesn't HAVE to look like Yul Brynner!- Me (I don't know what I was talking about) -Do I have purple on my nose?- classmate - I want to be a pop icon- Velvet Goldmine -Bum, bum, bum...Satellite of love...-Curt Wild (VG) -I think that's quite batty- Ewan McGregor -I mean, it's not some creature with a vagina coming out of it's forehead- Liam Neeson (Regarding his character in Star Wars...Explains a lot of those aliens' sex habits, ne?) -Lie. I *like* to lie- teacher -What's your problem, Zorro?- teacher -Let me get my grapes out of your way- classmate -Is that contagious?- classmate -Bjoerk? New York? What?- Me -You burned your ass! You burned your ass! Ha ha!- Me -I have a bullethole in my book!- classmate -Someone shot my book!- classamte -You're on crack. Yes, I probably am- teacher -They're like the Energiser Bunny- teacher (regarding what, I do not know) -Clapton is God- Mr. Shugrue -God, I can't walk today!- teacher -Who won the American Revolution? The British, really- teacher -We won, right?- classmate (regarding the outcome of the War for Independence) -Must've been a helium rabbit- Dad -LAND JELLYFISH!- Dad -I don't even have a chair!- teacher -What if blind people didn't have fingers?- classmate -I'm fat too!- classmate -I'm a masochist!- Amy B. (no, she doesn't know what it means.) -Silly rabbit- teacher -It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye!- cousin -Wow. That's long.- classmate -He took two sheets of acid and some shrooms, and now he thinks he's a glass of orange juice- friend (about this kid, who has been that way for two or more years) -Don't come back until there's blood- Mum (regarding my cousin and I fighting) -If you take 4 tabs of acid, you're considered legally insane- friend (useful, no?) -Where'd you get the grass?- friend -The answer to all that is 'It depends'- Reverend Matt -Wow, we have a sub! I can sleep now!- classmate -Look at what you're wearing, and tell me why- classmate For more quotes, click here. All works here are copyrighted the Engel. Please respect the people that said these things, and don't steal.