" I feel alone. I feel like no one is around, so I feel like I'm being punished....I want to die, but I am also afraid to.  When I get to the other side I fell like they're all going to say how bad I am. Even Ginny (Ginny is my great aunt whom I loved dearly) And they're all going to hat me and spit at me and walk all over me.
And God is going to throw lightning at me and burn me and I'll be kicked into Hell. The Devil is laughing and laughing and poking me and burning me and it's going to get so dark and so lonely inside and so cold inside that all I can do is lay there in my fat huddled mass and wonder what I've done wrong..."

Feeling Confused and Hopeless:

    "I'm sick and I don't know why. I'm not right in the head. I feel selfish at times when I am not, and sometimes I am selfish... I want to be normal. But It's not happening. Right now I feel, sad I guess.  I feel like it will never get better. I don't feel like talking to anyone, Not Mom, not Dad, Not Dr. X*, not Leeor, Not Amanda, Not Lolly. I feel like "what's the use?" I don't even feel like cutting. I just feel like there's this shadow behind me watching and waiting, but I don't know what it wants. It's not even going to hit me. It's just taunting me....I feel like this is all there is, I have to live with it...I just feel tierd.