ACTUAL CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS:

(Supplied by gettin-better)




The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge-----------Up Yours."

The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people
who are not afflicted with any church.

Evening Massage - 6 PM.  The pastor would appreciate if the ladies of
the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for pancake
breakfast next Sunday morning.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.  Please use
the back door.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

The Rev.  Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the
audience.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will
sing, "Break Forth into Joy."

Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing service will be
discontinued until further notice.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church
basement noon Friday at 7 PM.  The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success.  Special thanks
are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the
piano, which as usual fell upon her.

Don't let worry kill you.  Let the Church help.

Thursday night-Potluck Supper.  Prayer and medication to follow.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David
Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs.  Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of
the church.  Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social.  All ladies giving
milk will please come early.

Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of
the new carpet.  All those wishing to do something on the new carpet
will come forward and get a piece of paper.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.  Music
will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The 1996 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.  Pastor is
on vacation.  Massages can be given to church secretary.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Mrs.  Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing
for the girth of their first child.

The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM.  Steak, mashed potatoes,
green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
 
 

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