50 Ways To Annoy Your Roommate While S/He's Having Sex
1. (the obvious) "Ooooooo"
2. "That would work better the other way around.."
3. "Is something burning?"
4. "Damn, that's complicated."
5. "Wait, wait, use my pillow."
6. "Alright already, _I_came."
7. "You guys need a value pak."
8. Every once in a while wave it around and say "Good
show, old bean."
9. "Is that sperm or a mudpack?"
10. "You've got something stuck in your teeth."
11. "4 out of 5 dentists say that's bad for your enamel."
12. Complain when they don't change positions.
13. "You know, they say that three's a charm."
14. Suggest your favorite position.
15. Shine a flashlight on them and say, "This is a citizen's
arrest, assume the position."
16. "Bring in the Gimp."
17. "Hold that pose."
18. Sit up in your bed, bounce vigorously, clapping and squealing
with joy.
19. Start signing Meatloaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light."
20. Sing "Shake your bootie."
21. "A little to the left."
22. "Is that a penis in your girlfriend or are you just happy
to see me?"
23. "Is there room for two in there?"
24. "Two words: penis extension."
25. Invite others in as a cheering section.
26. Charge admission at the door.
27. Make and hold up score cards.
28. All of them should read 6.9.
29. Whip out a pen and paper and take notes.
30. "Maybe it would help if you.."
31. "That's what you call erect?"
32. "That reminds me of a joke I heard.."
33. "Let the chicken go, he had nothing to do with it!"
34. Hold up two bags and say, "Paper or plasic?"
35. Roll over, grunt and say, "I'd rather be fishing."
36. "Use the Heimlich; she's got something stuck in her throat."
37. "May I cut in?"
38. "That's illegal in Arkansas."
39. "Holy whips and chains, Batman."
40. If they ask what's wrong, explain that you thought you
were having a nightmare.
41. Explain that it was a Kodak moment.
42. Recite quotes from Condom Month like "Pack your weaner
before you bean her" and "Wrap your packer before you whack her."
43. "MMM- that looks good, I think I'll try some, too."
44. "Let's make a sandwich."
45. "Is that hard enough for you?"
46. Can I get you anything?"
47. "I think you dropped something."
48. "Do you like to eat at the Y?"
49. Pick up your camcorder and say "How much do you think
they would pay to see this on Pay-Per-View?"
50. "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a
Tootsie Pop??"
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