1) - your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month

2)- he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles

3) - you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"

4)- he refers to any intelligent alien race as "critters"

5)- he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"

6)- he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil

7) - he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section

8) - he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"

9) - he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen

10)- he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle

11)- he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it

12)- he says "Yea Haw! Let’s get this puppy movin!!!" instead of "Engage"

13)- he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser

14) - he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"

15) - he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"

16)- he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens

17)- he paints the starship John Deere green with racing stripes

18) - he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"

19)- he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"

20) - his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale

21) - he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"

22) - his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls

23) - he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge

24) - his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies

25) - he sets phaser to "Cajun"

26) - he has ordered the Chief Engineer to dig out the jumper cables

27) - the warp reactor is coated in duct tape ,Bond-O, and Super-Glu

28) - he orders the Sickbay to carry castor oil and turpentine

29) - he lights his cigarettes with his laser pistol

30) - he keeps livestock in the cargo bay

31) - he refers to the Kobiyashi Maru test as "the best target practice I ever had."

32) - he orders the ship into timewarp so he can have another go at the "Tuesday Night All-You-Can-Eat Ribs" buffet

33) - the ship, all the shuttlecraft, and the ship's mascot are all named after his favorite movie actresses