14. Minimize food budget by scheduling
classes around Happy Hour.
13. Enjoy being a Sophomore -- It
will be the best three years of your life.
12. Wear an athletic cup to panty
raids, because it's all fun and games until someone loses their 'nads.
11. Lemon juice and baking soda make
an excellent bong water stain remover.
10. Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry
knowledge into lucrative "home pharmaceuticals" business.
9. If an 8:00 am class is required
for your major, change your major.
8. Boring lecture? Start a wave!
7. College-level algebra: 5 returnable
bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle dinner.
6. "I Phelta Thi" is *not* a real
fraternity, except at state colleges.
5. Remember - almost no one complains
when you puke in a dumpster.
4. Clever margin manipulation can
turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.
3. Football games were never meant
to be observed by sober people.
2. Don't think of it as sleeping with
your professor -- think of it as "acing Biology."
1. In a pinch, milk can be used as
a beer substitute in your breakfast cereal.