Top Tens

I'd love to spend more time in the cinema than I do at the moment (budgeting on what the UK government laughingly calls a nurse's salary tends to be rather restrictive on that count) but I'm still pretty much a movie buff. I tend to like more action-orientated movies, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate that there's a damn sight more to a film than big explosions and special effects - no matter how "innovative" they are, Mr Lucas.

Also, I'm not an "actor" person. I won't go and see a film just because Harrison Ford or whoever is in it. I fell into that trap with Sean Connery and The Avengers. And Entrapment. And The Russia House. Personally, I find directors to be more consistent than actors. Hence, I've yet to dislike anything by Kevin Smith or Steven Spielberg. Conversely, I try to avoid Tim Burton and Joel Schumacher, though both have had their, albeit rare, good films too. Make of that what you will.

Anyway, I'm not Barry Norman, so you don't want to hear my unconvincing explanations as to why I like some films. It's enough to say I know what I like, and if I want to say I liked Star Wars: Episode One, that's my problem and no-one else's....

So, in vague order of preference...

1. Star Wars (All Episodes) - please don't ask me which of the six I prefer...
   

2. Serenity
   
3. Braveheart
   
4. Shaun of the Dead
   
5. The Full Monty
   
6. Shrek 1 & 2
   
7. Pirates of the Caribbean
   
8. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
   
9. Moulin Rouge
   
10. Leon

I can't quite believe that there's nothing from Kevin Smith in my Top Ten, so I thought I'd throw his name in here too. If you've never seen any of his films, you've missed a very important part of cinema culture.

So far this year I've seen....

• National Treasure Everything that The Da Vinci Code should be... but isn't
  
• Team America: World Police Anything that takes the piss out of a country that can elect that arsehole 2 terms running should be worth a couple of extra points but frankly guys... stick to South Park
  
• Ocean's Twelve Fun, but wholly unnecessary, sequel
  
• Shark Tale (DVD) Dreamworks continue to show up Pixar
  
• The Incredibles (DVD) Er... Dreamworks continue to show up Pixar(!)
  
• Without a Paddle (DVD) Amusing but hardly Deliverance standards
  
• Saw (DVD) Excellent Se7en-style thriller... just one twist too many for me
  
• Churchill: The Hollywood Years (DVD) I so wanted to hate this film, till I realised it was actually a spoof
  
• Blade: Trinity (DVD) Bit more "leave your brain at the door" than the previous two, but no less for it
  
• Sahara My ideal film. Just enjoy yourself with a bucket of popcorn for 2 hours. Perfect. And a great adaptation of the book, it must be said.
  
• The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy It tried to be true to the originals and have enough new stuff so that it wasn't simply a retread... yet failed spectacularly on both counts.
  
• Hitch Surprisingly enjoyable, though rather formulaic, rom-com
  
• Star Wars Episode III George Lucas more than makes up for Jar Jar Bloody Binks with by far the best of the prequel trilogy... and it holds up to repeat viewings.
  
• The League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse The most original and funniest film you'll see this year.
  
• Batman Begins Best big screen Batman yet. Not that that's necessarily saying much...
  
• Fantastic Four Hardly fantastic, but solid enough popcorn fare. Plus it's got Michael Chiklis' bare torso.
  
• Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (DVD) Enjoyable, though wholly unnecessary sequel.
  
• The Magic Roundabout (DVD) Blimey - even us Brits (OK, Europeans) are better at CGI animation than Pixar these days...
  
• Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Surprisingly, the one film which should have been a Tim Burton classic is the least Burton-ish one I've seen.
  
• The Island Giant bucket of popcorn, please. Michael Bay, big bangs, Steve Buscemi, big chase scenes. Perfect summer fodder.
  
• Hide and Seek (DVD) OK thriller, though with a twist even M. Night Shyamalamawotsit would have considered too derivative and obvious.
  
• Green Street Excellent, if unrealistic, portrayal of East End football firms.
  
• Serenity Film of the year. Everything Star Wars I-III should have been.
  
• Kinky Boots Comparisons to The Full Monty are inevitable... and fully justified. A smashing wee film.
  
• Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-rabbit Cracking, but a bit drawn out... think Nick Park would be better sticking to shorts.
  
• Saw II Far too derivative of far too many films to waste comment.
  
• A Dirty Shame (DVD) John Waters tones things down, but still offends brilliantly.
  
• Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Over-hyped as always, but entertaining enough.
  
• Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe Surprisingly faithful to the book, but Peter Jackson needn't lose any sleep
  
• Constantine (DVD) Entertaining enough, as long as you like watching planks of wood for two hours
  
• The 40 Year Old Virgin (DVD) Fun, if ambiguous (romantic? gross-out?), comedy.
  

Confession Time

I have every Disney Classic ever released on video.

I've Walked out of...

Actually I only ever walked out of one movie. I figure I've paid good money and besides, it might get better. That movie was Dune. It didn't.

However, I've been tempted to walk out of...

• Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
• Being Human
• Garfield: the Movie
• House on Haunted Hill (2000 version)
• Joe vs the Volcano
• Lost in Translation
• Police Academy VII: Mission to Moscow
• The Avengers

And I fell asleep during The Thin Red Line. Apparently, I was the better off for it.

Onto AUTHORS

Try the INTERNET MOVIE DATABASE

Try ODEON CINEMAS

Back HOME