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My First HIV Test

Male, 20 years old, San Diego, CA

I had only had sex with one guy, at that time, and I had never really been afraid that I had contracted the HIV virus until it had been shoved down my throat that if you have ever had unprotected sex, with anyone, that you were a candidate to get tested. I really started to think about it and realized that even though this particular man had been my only partner in my life at this time, that he had been sexually promiscuous prior to me and that we had had unprotected sex on more than one occasion. So I decided that I wanted to get tested.

I found out that the local Gay and Lesbian Center had free testing twice a week and that it was anonymous. I went in on one of the designated days, with my best friend for emotional support. My heart was pounding in my ears and my palms were sweating like they've never sweat before. As I walked into the center and went to the front desk. I actually had to say the phrase "I'm here for the HIV testing." I'm sure the middle aged men sitting behind the desk didn't really think anything of it, considering that it was their job to do things like this, it was, however, humiliating.

To think that I was, in my own mind, proclaiming to two total strangers, and anyone else within earshot, that I have had unprotected sex with a man who was potentially HIV positive, was close to being more than I could bear.

But I kept my cool. They buzzed the door so it would unlock and my best friend and I proceeded to go to the waiting room. The room was actually a nice warm place. I could tell that it was also used for the staff and for small meetings. It had a sink and a television with a VCR and other various kitchen appliances for use at the center. The air was warm and moist and actually very comfortable. The walls had floor to ceiling bookshelves that contained all sorts of reading materials that the local Gay and Lesbian community would find very useful.

I sat at one of the many round tables in the room. The plastic chair squeaking as I rocked back and forth in nervous anticipation. Then the door suddenly opened and a woman walked in. She was a beautiful African-American woman, tall and professional, but with a very compassionate face. The look in her eyes was that a warmth and concern, yet at the same time she exuded this aura of comfort.

She looked at my best friend and I and asked if we were here for the testing. We nodded our heads, "yes" and she asked me to follow her.

We walked down the hall way into another room, where she asked me to sit, again in a plastic chair. She then proceeded to ask me a series of questions probing my sexual history. All of which made me nervous, yet relaxed and most of the time, embarrassed.

When we were done, she lead me into another room where she was going to draw the blood. She presented the tools before me, the needle, the bag that was going to collect the blood, the serial numbers and everything that was going to be used for identifying the test results. She then told me to make a fist and she tied a rubber band around my arm. Then as soon as she was going to stick me with the needle I turned my head and shut my eyes tight to brace for the pain. But soon I realized that I was bracing just a little bit too long and I started to wonder why nothing had happened yet. And I realized that she was telling me to hold a cotton ball against my arm.

I opened my eyes and turned my head and realized that it was over before it started and I hadn't felt a thing.

She finished up with a couple more business items and then let me go telling me to return in two weeks at the same time for the results.

The whole next two weeks, I couldn't think of anything else. What would I do if I was positive? How would I tell my family? They didn't even know I was gay yet. I was only 18. What was I going to do?

The two weeks finally passed and once again I was back at the Center. Back in the same room that I had been before, back with the same beautiful, caring woman. And thank God the results were negative, and I am still negative today.

I took this whole experience as a warning. I don't do drugs, I don't have unprotected sex or put myself in danger anymore. I respect myself and the disease. I never want to go through that experience again and leave the center less than excited.

Some Facts about HIV testing:

• If you are sexually active, you need to get tested every six months.
   
• If you use drugs, especially needles, you need to get tested ASAP and every six months after that.
   
• There is a difference between anonymous testing and confidential testing. Anonymous testing doesn't have any names attached what so ever. Everything is done by numbers. They don't even ask. Confidential testing, is confidential, know one knows, but the results go on your record, and your name is attached.
   
• Most major areas in the US will have free testing available. If not ask you doctor, or if you are a college student, your college health center probably offers testing.
   
• Most community service testing is free, however some private institutions charge a small fee.
   
• For more information on HIV or AIDS contact a doctor or go to your local library or Gay and Lesbian center, or ask a friend you trust to help you.

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