A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The father replied,"Well, son, they're making a puppy." The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual missionary position. Confused, the boy asked what were they doing. The Dad responded very slowly and caringly to his impressionable little boy, "Well, son, we are making you a little brother." The little boy replied,"Please turn Mom over Dad, I'd rather have a puppy!" |
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh - just below here bikini line. She also wants him to put the words "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Claus with "Merry Christmas" on her left thigh - just below the bikini line. So the guy does that one and it comes out pretty good as well. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs? She says, "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there is nothing good to eat between "Thanksgiving" and "Christmas". |
Once upon a time, there was a sperm named Stanley, who lived inside a famous movie actor. Stanley was a very healthy sperm. He'd do push ups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time, while the other sperm just lay around on their fat asses not doing a thing. One day, one of them became curious enough to ask Stanley why exercised all day. Stanley said, "Look pal, only one sperm gets a woman pregnant and when the right time comes, I am going to be that one sperm! A few days later, they all felt themselves getting hotter and hotter. They knew that it was getting to be their time to go. They were released abruptly and sure enough, there was Stanley, swimming far and ahead of all the others. All of a sudden, Stanley stopped, turned around an began to swim back with all his might. "Go back! Go back!", he screamed. "It's just a blow job!" |
The boss arrived at the office one morning complaining of a headache. His staff was sympathizing with him when the newly married office manager volunteered, "Just last week i had a terrible headache, but my wife cured it very quickly. It mat seem an odd cure, but she took off all her clothes, pulled me down on the bed and in no time the pain was gone." The boss grabbed his hat and coat and said, "I've tried everything else........Is you wife home now?" |
Two dwarves decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they are dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms. The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he is unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room he hears cries of "ONE, TWO, THREE ....... HUH!" all night long. In the morning the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first whispers back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection." The second dwarf shakes his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he askers. "I couldn't even get on the bed!" |
