Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, the guy tells Ford. "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention the car changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven." So Henry thinks about it and says, "I want to hang out with Adam, the first man." So the guy at the gates points Adam out to Ford. When Ford gets to Adam, he asks, "Hey aren't you the inventor of women?" Adam says: "Yes" "Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in you invention- 1. There is too much front end protrusion, 2. It chatters at high speeds, 3. The rear end wobbles too much, and 4. and the intake is too close to the exhaust." "Hmmmmmmm..." says Adam, "hold on." So Adam goes to the celestial computer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. The computer prints out a slip of paper and Adam reads it. Then he replied, "Henry, it may be that my invention is flawed, but according to the stellar computer, more men are riding my invention than yours." |
A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pyjamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off. A week later he returns. His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip, dear?" He says: "Oh yes, great!! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pyjamas." His wife smiles and says, "Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box............." |
A certain young man finally won a date with the blonde female of somewhat questionable morals that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his "tool of the trade". But the young man was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured a tall glass of cold milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the mild and experienced immediate relief of the pain. The blonde wandered into the kitchen to see him with his "tool" immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, she exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things". |
There was an alien couple and an American couple. They decide to get a little kinky one night and agree to switch partners for some sexual hijinks. After getting undressed, the American woman looked at the alien's organ, stifled a laugh and said, "I don't know what you think you're going to do with that little thing." "Fear not," said the alien, and with that he tugged on his left ear and his penis grew 12 inches. The American woman's eyes opened wide with awe, sensing something good she said, "it would be nice if it was a little thicker, too." "No problem", says the alien, pulling on his right ear it became nice thick. They went at it with relish for the rest of the night. The next morning, after staggering contentedly out of her hotel room she met her husband in the hall. "Well......?", she asked barely able to conceal her grin, "how was it?" Her husband answered, "well, I guess it was okay, but that bitch nearly pulled my ears off!!!" |
A guy goes to the doctor, "Doctor, my penis is orange. What can I do about it?" The doctor scratches his head and says, "I've never seen anything like it. Take these pills and came back in a week and see if there are any changes." The guy comes back in a week, his dick still orange. The doctor says, "Let's see if we can figure out what is causing this. Tell me about your life style. The guy says, "I'm single, I live alone ......... just the normal type." Doctor, "How do you spend your evenings?" "I like to watch porn movies and eat Cheetos. Why...............?" |
