NEVER
DESTRUCTION
Sleep With A Porcupine
Walt stayed with Eddie the rest of the day. He worked every sexual technique he knew, pushed himself to his limit. He lead Eddie into accepting every submissive role he could devise, some even quite depraved. Walt then flipped the coin and himself became passive urging Eddie to take him, use him in ways he had seldom allowed even in the far distant pass with Matt. He was trying to wear Eddie down, saturate his senses. He wanted to leave Eddie with nothing more he could desire, ever, from Walt.
It all had minimal impact on Eddie. He reveled in being dominated. When Walt changed, he just as eagerly became the dominate force in their coupling. Between bouts Eddie clung to Walt and whispered about love. He let go of Walt only for the unavoidable calls of nature that came to both of them.
As the afternoon faded into evening the opportunities for amiable parting were limited to the times when Eddie left the bed and went into the bathroom. Walt knew, with a horrible realization, that he couldn't give or take any more and needed to leave to maintain his composure. Not only was he sexually drained but emotionally his interest in Eddie was gone. He had been successful in exorcising the demon, his demon.
Eddie was still a handsome, appealing young man. But, Walt no longer looked upon him as an itch that he would eventually be forced to scratch. He was raw from scratching. He was exhausted from scratching. He was no longer leery of looking Eddie in the eye. What he saw there no longer bothered him. He had accepted their challenge and won the battle.
Walt knew he would not, could not let Eddie know where he was spending the night. It sure as hell wasn't going to be here.
Walt gathered strength and announced he had to go. "I've got a meeting with the Dean of Instruction for dinner, that's why I was able to get together with you today," he lied. "I hope you understand that whatever it was between us, it's been explored fully and it ends, here and now. I meant what I said, this can not and will not happen again."
"Teach," Eddie looked up with a small grin. "This bed is going no place and neither am I. The day isn't over. Give me at least that -- one day." His voice was low and firm. The accent's twang barely sounded.
"Eddie, get it through your head. You were a fantastic roll in the hay. Something I couldn't avoid. But, it's happened, it was enough. it isn't going to happen again." Walt's tone grew harder and louder as he spoke.
"I hear you, Teach. But, remember, I know you, Teach. Your little soldier just loves to play in my hills and valleys. And, we're good, too good together to just throw it away."
"Sorry, Eddie, that's the way it's going to be." Walt turned and started down the stairs.
"See you tonight, Teach. Anytime you want."
Walt ignored Eddie's parting remark and continued his exit. He kept his resolve. After a lengthy session scrubbing and cleaning, removing the scent and touch of Eddie from his body, Walt fell in bed at the motel. He called home to wish Nita a good night, then tossed and turned, drifted off. Images of Eddie invaded his slumber. They were images of fantasies and realities from his past.
Walt found himself surrounded by a host of figures all calling his name. As he shook himself awake the final image remained vivid, he had been in a pit. Over him stood Eddie, Chuck, Dick, every guy he had ever slept with, all of them except Matt. They were all laughing at him and masturbating, letting their cum gush and splash down all over him, covering him, smothering him.
He almost skipped the lecture. He was shook by his dream. He didn't want to see Eddie, have any reminded of his downfall, even if he had been successful in parting with Eddie. Then he steeled himself to go ahead. He couldn't let this, this aberration, start ruling his life.
As he approached the hall Eddie came up behind him. "Hi, you gorgeous hunk, you," came the Brooklyn twang. A hand took his arm, slid down and grasped his. Eddie fell in step with Walt.
Walt jerked his hand away. "Don't do that in public." He stopped and turned to Eddie. "Didn't you understand. I meant what I said."
Eddie hung his head, then looked up shyly. His mouth was twisted in a pout and tears seemed to tremble at his eye lids. "I love you, Walt." It was a low whispering whine.
Walt knew he had to avoid a scene in public but could hardly contain his anger. "Damn it, Eddie, it was sex. Get on with your life. Forget it. Forget me. We had a hot afternoon . . . " His voice was firm and hissing from between his teeth as he spoke with a fake smile pasted on his face. " . . . but it's over, finished. no more." He spun and strode away. When he glanced back from the door Eddie was still standing where he had left him.
The lecture went better than Walt had expected. He eagerly lost himself in the subject. He was able to ignore Eddie when he made a dramatic late entrance. There had been a disruption while Eddie defiantly pushed his way to an empty seat in the fourth row. Walt made a joke out of the intruder's obvious eagerness, without making eye contact with Eddie.
The few times he focused in the audience for a person to address and hit near Eddie, he let his glance glide by. He couldn't avoid noting that Eddie's stare was intense, his face flushed.
Walt kept a protective group around him as he left the stage and worked his way to the exit. He found Eddie was waiting right outside the door. Ignoring him Walt strode down the walk toward the parking area. Eddie fell in step beside him speaking softly but insistently. He pleaded with Walt to not destroy what they had, to at least come over to the studio before he left, to take time, they could work something out. He was pathetic in Walt's eyes.
The one time he reached out for Walt and his hand touched Walt's arm Walt turned on him vehemently. "Don't ever touch me again. You either stop right now, Mr. Lutz, or the next time I'll break your fucking arm. Leave me alone," he hissed.
Driving home Walt considered what had happened and his reaction. Was he as angry with Eddie as he had acted or was he just disgusted and angry with himself. He had handled the entire incident poorly. There had to be a way to cool Eddie down without becoming enemies, yet, that seemed to be where he was going. What an ass. If he was going to get this messed up over sex, that kind of sex, then he still didn't know himself like he thought he did. Were all these years with Nita a lie? No. Never. He loved her.
This time Nita knew there was something amiss. He just wasn't, or at least hadn't been, that kind of lover. She found him rough and cruel, almost savage in taking her. He had arrived home, stormed through the house, locked her in a bear hug of an embrace and then, without asking about Julia or Kyle, carried her to the bedroom. She couldn't get him to talk after he collapsed panting on her. She feared this man, who was (but was not) her husband.
As his breathing became more normal and she felt his body grow lax she started to gently roll him off. He tightened his grip and pressed down on her. He mumbled that he was not done. "I need you, need you so much," he continued. He became more like the Walt she knew, kissing and stroking her, making love not war. She felt him stir and grow stronger inside her. It had been so long since they had made love repeatedly. The second time it was sweet, full of passion but with a care and awareness of her needs.
Just as Walt collapsed, fully spent and finally relaxed, the phone rang. They let it ring, hoping Julia would take the call. She and Kyle were not near enough to even here the phone, much less answer it. She had seen the fire in Walt's eyes when he arrived and had quickly spirited Kyle off on an adventure.
The phone continued ringing. Walt gave in, reached out and picked it up. Nita was shocked a the fierceness of his reply to whomever had called. "No, we don't need any. Do no bother us again," he almost shouted and slammed the phone. "Damn salesmen," he grunted.
It had been Eddie. Walt was boiling. "That little shit had better not start calling here. If he screws with my family . . . "
In the weeks before the next lecture Eddie called a number of times. With Julia he left a message he just needed to talk with Walt. If Nita answered, he hung up. When Walt was on the line he continued to treat Eddie as an annoying salesman and hung up. Walt's inventiveness was tested as he dreamed up different types of offers he was rejecting when he complained about the calls to Nita.
One morning after Walt had left for a work session at Colonial Williamsburg Eddie appeared at the front door. Nita assumed he had been somewhere near and just dropped by. She explained he had just missed Walt and asked about the reason for his visit to the Tidewater area.
"I just needed to see Walt about something," Eddie replied, not making it clear if that was why he had stopped or if that was the only reason he was even in the area. "I'll catch him later. Do you know when he might be back, Nita?"
They had an early dinner party that evening. Nita was sure Walt would be home sometime early in the afternoon or maybe even by noon. She told Eddie and asked if he wanted to wait. He declined and left. The entire visit struck Nita as just plain strange. She was soon busy with Julia in the kitchen starting the preparation for that evening dinner. Their guests were two couples that Walt and Nita enjoyed from the Newport News museum volunteers.
Walt called to let her know he was finished and on his way on time for lunch. Before she could mention Eddie Walt had hung up.
Later, hearing a car, Nita went to check if it was Walt or maybe Eddie returning. She was puzzled to note a strange car seeming to block the drive right as it turned off the road that lead to the small cluster of home in which theirs sat. Just then Walt's car turned in the drive and Eddie stepped out of the other car. She saw Walt gesture at Eddie and his horn blared. He seemed agitated and wanted Eddie to move. Instead Eddie strode over to Walt.
Nita stared in amazement. As Eddie leaned in to say something to Walt, Walt shoved his door open and slammed Eddie to the ground. Walt was now standing over Eddie shaking his fist and yelling. She couldn't hear what but could tell something was very, very wrong.
She rushed out the door and across the yard. As she ran up the drive Walt saw her. He reached down and lifted Eddie under his arms. He drug Eddie to his car, opened the door and threw him in, slamming the door. She heard the final shout from Walt. "And, stay away from my family, damn you."
Nita was puzzled. She looked back and forth at Walt and then at Eddie. "What have you done to Eddie?" she questioned and walked to his car to see if he was really injured.
"Nita, stay out of this," Walt said firmly.
"Walter Larimore Johnston, you can go to hell. What has gotten into you?"
Eddie was dusty and dirty but seemed unhurt. He smiled apologetically and leaned out the window as he started his car. Taking Nita's hand he looked her in the eye and said in his soft twang, "Just a lover's spat. Don't you worry. I can handle him." The engine raced. He pulled away, waved and left.
Nita stood rooted. What had Eddie meant? Why had Walt been so angry? Lovers? Who? The implications of Eddie's statement slowly dawned. She turned. "What did he mean? Why was he here? Walter, you better tell me right now what is going on. Have you been sleeping with that boy? You like boys? Boys! Walter, how could you?!? Boys!" She was hysterical, he voice a squeak.
Walt graphed her by the shoulders and shook her. She gasped as he slapped her full across the face. Her screeching stopped. She stared at him. Shocked. He had never struck her. Never in all their years. She thew herself at him swinging, kicking and cursing.
Walt jerked his head back and then enfolded her in his arms. This was going to be one hell of an evening. He had to thing and talk fast. If he saved this day Mr. Edward Lutz had better kiss his ass goodbye.
He started talking, hard and fast. "Nita, believe me, I have had nothing to do with Eddie, except as a student and a member of the ballet troupe. He has been a fan but recently he has become obsessive, following me on campus, hogging the question sessions at lectures. I didn't say anything to you because I thought I could handle the situation and it didn't involve us here.
"Maybe Eddie is gay. Maybe he had been having fantasies about me. I don't know. But you know that's not me. Boys? You really took him serious? The reason I was angry with him and so rough was because he showed up here, involving my family. I didn't expect it. It caught me off guard and I lost my temper. Nita, I'm sorry. It was a dumb reaction.
"Believe me, I love you. I love what we have together. There is no one else, female or male. No one." Walt was pleading by this time. Nita was listening intently. Was it going to work?
She pushed her arms up and took his face in her hands. She looked deep into his eyes. He smiled. She smiled. He leaned down and kissed her with ardor that mounted as she responded. He concentrated his whole being on reacting to the nearness and warmth of her. As his excitement grew she pressed against him harder.
"Walter?" she whispered.
"Yes, darling."
"Just me?"
"Yes, darling." He ground his pelvis against her.
They heard a car pass the drive. It slowed down. They paid it no attention. If they had looked away from each other they would have seen Eddie glaring at them.
"Do you want me, or did you bring home a bundle of pencils from work?" Nita's voice was now sultry and vibrant.
"You, only you, morning noon and night." Walt grasped her and pulled her to his lips, rubbing her on himself. He bent down and lifted her into his arms and strode down the drive to the house.
She warned him that Julia was busy in the kitchen. "We shouldn't, you know." She didn't sound like she meant it.
He was soft, quiet and gentle as they coupled. He made each move wit care and deliberation, stroking and rubbing, soothing away her fears, building her passion. He willed himself to feel nothing, to only be aware of her and her body's reactions as he worked every trick he had learned in the years sleeping with her.
Her ecstasy was total. It sent her thrashing and squirming under, over and around him. Only when he knew she was so high that another peak of pleasure would not be possible, did he release himself. Driving deep and fast he let himself feel every inch of their intimate surfaces touching, capturing the sensations for an eternity of joy. He moaned and whimpered, clamping his teeth low on her neck as shivers of excitement shook him. As liquid fire ran through his veins he whispered her name over and over. He fell, tumbling down, pouring out, dying, gasping for air.
- o o o - Eddie was in the hall, sitting silent, rapt attention. Walt was torn between accosting him and ignoring him. Contact would only bring problems he decided and pretended that Eddie was not there. Eddie made no comment during the lecture, asked no questions after and made no move to approach him. He was standing on the steps watching as Walt drove away. Walt though he caught a wave when he glanced back at the building and saw Eddie standing there.
While Walt was driving home Eddie was busy on the phone. He called Nita. His voice full of anguish he apologized for his actions. He let Nita know he was attracted to Walt and had been wrong in playing games with Walt.
"That man loves only you, Nita. I knew it from the start but let my hormones dull my mind. I was so wrong in coming out there. I hope you knew I was just wishful thinking with what I said. I'd like to really apologize to both of you for any pain I caused. You were my friends and I screwed that up." The sincerity of his voice kept Nita on the line although her first reaction had been to hang up.
"Come see me, Nita. Let me do a portrait as a gift -- for you and for Walt. Consider it. Please."
She made no promises, but somehow he got to her. She continued thinking about Eddie and his offer the next few days. For once she didn't discuss things with Walt. The day he was to be in Richmond for the Old Dominion lecture she drove to Charlottesville after arranging to meet Eddie for coffee.
Turning on the charm Eddie convinced Nita that he wanted to make amends. "I'll be gone after this year, which is almost over, and I don't want to leave with both of you hating me. Let me show you what I want to do," he said as he let her from the cafe to the studio.
For this introduction he had replaced the sketch of Walt with one he had been working on from memory of Nita. As he had admitted his sexual orientation and the folly of attempting to seduce Walt, the rest of the display wall remained untouched. Nita was taken with the draft he had made of her portrait. It gave her a sparkling gamin quality that she knew Walt would love. They developed the schedule around days she knew Walt would be working at Colonial Williamsburg or lecturing in Richmond. Her excuse for being away from home could always be shopping in Richmond or museum work.
Eddie worked steadily on the painting. Nita was pleased with it as it developed. He let her view every step of its growth. He didn't let her know he was stretching time, taking longer than he needed on almost every step. As it drew close to the date for Walt's final visit to campus Eddie convinced Nita to come for an all day session the day after the lecture.
"It's close enough to the end of the year I want to finish with just one more session, if we can do it. Let's make it a full day. Can you plan on being here by 9? Call if you can't make it. Eddie was bubbling with enthusiasm to get the portrait finished. At least that was what Nita though.
She mentioned a worry that she would run into Walt. He had a planning session for the next year with the dean of instruction the evening of that last lecture and was staying over.
"Are you worried about running into Walt or about finding him here? You still doubt me?" quizzed Eddie. "Park in the lot across the street. Get here in the middle of the night. I'll leave the door unlocked. You can check out just who I'm sleeping with. It won't be Walt, I can guarantee it."
Nita calmed Eddie. She had no doubts. She just didn't want the surprise to be ruined. They parted with an agreement to work all day starting at 9 a.m. on the fourteenth.
Walt was startled to find Eddie waiting for him when he arrived on campus for the year's final lecture. Eddie was his old self, with a quiet air of apology. He didn't drop endearments or try to take Walt's hand. He admitted he had been way out of line, begged forgiveness and asked Walt if they couldn't just meet one last time as friends. Eddie told Walt the same lie he had told Nita that his was his last year and thus he wouldn't be seeing him again -- or bothering him again, either.
Walt listened but made no response as they walked to the lecture hall. For the last time Walt gave his presentation with Eddie sitting silent in the audience. Eddie's face, turned to Walt, was calm with just a touch of adoration. No winks, no knowing smile. It was like a sad farewell.
Afterwards Walt walked with Eddie to the car. "I know you have a work session with the dean but we could meet later, after that. You could spend one last night with me, just being you, letting me hold you, at least look at you. Walt, nothing would happen. I've learned my lesson."
Walt looked him in the eye and shook his head. "Not tonight. Not again."
"At least before you leave tomorrow drop by. I've got a present for you. No, really, a memento to remind you that you once knew a dumb nellie fool like me. Nothing offensive. Stop in on your way out of town. I've got to be on campus by 9 for a class. I hope to see you, Walt. Please. Just for a minute. Anytime after 8 and before 8:45. O.K.?" His face was drawn. His eyes pleading.
Walt felt a tinge of sympathy. "I'm making to promise, Eddie." His eyes said otherwise.
Waking from a deep and peaceful sleep Walt considered stopping by Eddie's for that one last visit. He owed a farewell to a mistake that could have ruined his life. Feeling a little sorry for Eddie he loaded the car, stopped and got two coffees and a half-dozen donuts.
He almost dropped the coffees as he hit the top of the stairs. The display wall was reorganized. It now had a gigantic water color nude study of him, semi-erect and smiling, as its centerpiece. He noted that now several of the smaller charcoal sketches were also of him, also nude, also in some state of arousal, two showing him mounting, penetrating another male, Eddie.
"I'll destroy them. I know you don't want any of them or really love me. It was stupid, really stupid. But it was the only way to continue to have you with me, Walt. I'm sorry." Eddie was near tears sitting on the edge of the bed. "I needed you so. I still do. Sorry, wasn't going to say that. I'll shut up. You don't want to hear this shit."
Walt sat the cups and sack of donuts on the floor. He had been rough on Eddie. The kid was in love with him. That was, and always had been, obvious. He walked over and mussed Eddie's hair. What the hell, he thought, as he pulled Eddie up and kissed him gently.
"Teach, don't. I can't take you being this close. I need you so badly. Want to feel . . . damn it, Teach, let me go." Eddie was firmly pushing Walt away. "You are not being fair."
His eyes brimming with tears he held Walt in front of him. Eddie dropped his eyes and hung his head as his arms fell to his side. He slowly sunk to his knees and then looked up, pleading.
"Please, Teach." His voice was low. "Go." It was an almost silent whisper. His tongue flicked on his upper lip.
Walt felt himself move forward involuntarily. Eddie wrapped his arms around Walt's legs and hugged him. "Please, Teach," he said again. This time his mouth hung open, his tongue rocking on his bottom teeth. "Either get going or coming, Teach. You're driving me crazy. I won't be responsible if you don't turn around . . . " He reached and unbuckled Walt's belt and pulled the zipper. " . . . or turn me around."
Walt ran his fingers into Eddie's hair and pulled him against him. He felt his pants and briefs tugged down off his hips and a warm moistness closed over his rampant cock. He couldn't control the natural reaction as he grew even longer and harder, filling Eddie's mouth as it moved on him. Walt twitched as he felt Eddie's hand on his buttocks clasping him tighter. He was locked between their grasp and the bobbing head.
Eddie let go and fell back, his head on the bed. Looking at Walt he smiled a sly sexy smile which fled as Walt looked down. Walt saw Eddie sobbing. "I want you, Teach. Please," he begged and turning crawled on the bed. His pants dropped to the floor as he did. On his knees in front of Walt he thrust his bottom in the air. "Please. A farewell gift. It's yours, Teach. Take it. Take it. Take . . . " He screamed as Walt lunged into him without any preliminaries. "Take it, Teach. Do it. Do it, hard." With his head turned, Eddie glanced at the clock in the kitchen -- 8:55. Perfect.
Wiggling his rear Eddie crawled further up on the bed. Mounted behind him Walt followed, his pants off one leg, hanging on the other ankle. He had stripped his shirt off when he first joined Eddie on the bed. He now kicked the clothes off his leg as he humped. Lifting up he pulled his tee shirt over his head and tossed it. He grasped the shirt that had ridden high on Eddie's back and rolled it up, jerking it off as Eddie lifted his arms over his head. Walt grasped Eddie's waist and pulled, hard, shoving, driving.
"This is goodbye, Eddie. This is good . . . " Walt lunged and grunted. ". . . bye." He pounded into Eddie again. He didn't hear the light footsteps on the stairs. "Good -- fucking -- bye, Eddie." He threw a full body slam against Eddie's bottom to emphasize each word. Over and over, he drove into Eddie as he chanted, "Goodbye, Eddie. Goodbye, Eddie. Goodbye . . . "
Nita knew something was going on when she entered the stair well. She let her curiosity get to her. She knew what Eddie had admitted he was. She wanted to see for herself two men making love, however they were doing it, which they obviously were. As she reached the top of the stairs she froze. The gigantic nude on the wall where last she had seen her own portrait was Walt, totally, nakedly, sexually aroused, Walt. Then she clearly heard the voice saying goodbye to Eddie in rhythm with his ravaging of Eddie from the rear. It was Walt. Walt who didn't like boys was on display in the biggest lie of his life.
Nita screamed and lashed out with anything she could throw. Two cups of lukewarm coffee, books, magazines, an ashtray all rained down on the couple thrashing together on the bed. Walt threw himself off Eddie and out of the way. He lay for an instant on his back, looking at his wife over his quickly shrinking erection. He leaped up to follow as she turned and stumbled down the stairs.
Walt raced after Nita, hearing roars of laughter behind him. He was on the street when he realized he was naked, and also quite clearly a recent participant in some sexual activity. Red from blushing and mounting anger he tore back up the stairs.
He grunted and puffed as he drive his fists into Eddie, knocking him down, lifting him back onto his feet, standing him against the wall, knocking him down again, and again.
"You shit. You queer little bastard. You did this deliberately, you pervert." This time each word was spit out with a matching jab from a fist.
Walt tore all the nude studies from the wall, ransacked the loft, found the first sketch and then ripped them to shreds. He stuffed the pieces in his tee shirt, using to for a sack. He shook Eddie like a rag doll extracting his word that there were no more. He then dressed and left Eddie bloody and whimpering on the floor.
He tore across the state in a wild near suicidal drive direct to the cabin. He knew better than to show up at the house, not now. Maybe later, if he could just think of a way out of this mess. The only way out that he could think of was to harsh even to contemplate. Instead he drank himself into a stupor.
The police were pounding on the door in the early hours of the morning. Nita had run off the road on her way home. She was in the hospital. Julia had told them he hadn't come home but might be at the cabin if he wasn't in Charlottesville. He threw on the clothes he had worn, ran his hand through his hair and took off for the hospital in Richmond.
Nita had only slight injuries, her face was cut but not disfigured. At first Nita refused to see him. Then she told the nurse to bring him in and leave them alone. There was no forgiveness in her eyes as she watched him enter the room.
"Walter, I just have one thing to tell you and then I don't want to ever see you again. Don't you ever, ever try to see Kyle. I'll see you in hell before I let you tough my son. There is nothing else to say. If you fight me, I'll bury you, you . . . . you . . . bastard." She was bitter, angry but cool.
He hid out in the cabin, drinking. She filed for divorce and Eddie filed assault and battery charges. Nita let everything come out. Her lawyers picked Walt clean. He was left wit the entire affair public knowledge. His campus contracts were canceled, the consulting job was terminated. Everything was now Nita's. She let him keep the car he had driven to the cabin and the cabin, nothing else. He lived off the cash he had on the day it all ended and checks he wrote until the joint account was closed.
Boxes of clothes and personal stuff from the house and the New York office arrived ever so often. He stacked them in the den. The teletype had been pulled when Nita sent a crew to clean out any of her belonging from the cabin. He had jerked the phone off the wall the second night after the papers started running the story of his misadventure. 'The randy dandy professor' and 'lecherous lecturer' were two of the kinder titles he gained. This led to a constant string of obscene calls, until he killed the phone.
Three weeks after the divorce was final and his lawyers had made an out of court settlement with Eddie, he sat drinking in the lounge chair in the living room. He was going to need to find a job somewhere, somehow. He had obligations now, the lawyers, Eddie. Both of which if not met would result in jail time. Something he feared given the publicity he had received. The glass slipped from his hand and rolled across the floor. He snored.
There was a woodpecker in one of the trees. Early damn bird, and noisy, too. The sun flooded through the window making Walt squint as he came awake. It wasn't a woodpecker. Someone was at the door. He lurched and stumbled across the room ready to punch out the intruder who had ignored the 'Private Drive, DO NOT ENTER' warning signs. He threw open the door. It was Matt.
- o o o -
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