Beach Blues

I can't sleep. It's 3am and I have to get up in 2 hours. But I'm nauseaus (sp?) with a slight headache and I'm depressed which only depresses me more. I mean, I thought I was better but apparently not. And I can't seem to spell this morning either. I guess that part of my brain's precoccupied.

I need some counseling.

And it's in some part due to my girlfriend. I don't mean that in a negative and/or accusatory manner. On the contrary, she means so much to me and I'm so f**ked up, I want to get better for her. It's either that or succumb to the little voice that cries out, "This is too hard! What's the likelihood that it will last even if you get all better and stay that way? Why not save yourself some pain and agony and dignity and get out while you can?" But I love her and I know nothing's easy. I may not know how to be in a relationship, but I'm going to learn. I don't want to be a coward and hide from everything in life.

So I need some help.

Edited for privacy... (Yes, there are still some things that are too personal and too private to be typed up, even if nobody reads these.)

God, I need help.

I need to escape Florida and return to my friends and my life back home.

I need normalcy and to be less than long-distance (phone-wise) from everyone.

I need my bed and my stereo and my tv.

I need Huggy Bear.

I need my radio stations and my car.

I wish I weren't going to Disney--it's just not worth the agony that's developing.