Fear of Dying

The last few nights, I've developed a fear of dying.

Specifically, of falling asleep and not waking up. Last night, my throat was somewhat swollen or clogged and I was afraid it would close while I slept and suffocate me in my sleep.

The night before, I don't recall a specific method, just the feeling that I still have things left to do on this world and what if I died before these important things could be accomplished? More importantly, what if I died before I could talk with my girlfriend? After our call the other day, I've felt more uneasy than before. After all, it's not like I can just drive over to Salem at a moment's notice. Nor could I call her and talk for hours. Though I bought a calling card for 150 minutes, I only have $3 (@ $0.13/minutes = 23 minutes) which isn't too bad and it's been hard to get away from my parents. (I had maybe an hour when they left for dinner yesterday and a bout a half hour just now in the Orlando airport.) At least yesterday, I left my girlfriend a voice mail telling her I loved her. But she and I need to talk.

Writing here isn't helping, so I think I'll go read my book.

One last thought...if anything does happen to me, I want my girlfriend to have my journal. I don't know how to explain why. All I know is that when writing this entry up in my paper journal, I wanted her to have it. I wanted her to read it. And I still do.