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Today was not a good day.
Another day has almost come and gone In fact, it was one of the worst days I've had in a long time . . . since last week. Just kidding! 'Cause truly, it was worse than my mini-breakdown last week. So what was the event that drove me to tears and despair, you ask. Work? Love? Friends? What could be so bad? Money . . . more specifically, the fact that living at home is driving me into the poor house . . . or possibly a mental hospital . . . I'm honestly not sure which I'll end up in first. For those of you who haven't heard the story, Mom & Dad are charging me rent ($320/month). While I don't have a problem with the idea too much, I do have a problem with their timing first of all. I had to start paying at the beginning of February. Yup, the same month I had to start paying them back for the car loan. So all of a sudden, 50% of my NET income was gone. Meanwhile, I'd have to listen to my dad talk about the raise he was gonna get--(he's already making 5-6 times as much as I am so it's not something I care to hear about!) I've bounced one check already and would have bounced a second one, except that I forgot to mail in my car insurance payment for this month, so it turned out that I could afford to pay for my prescription at the drug store. (I found out that my Adderall is not covered by my new insurance . . . though for some reason, AAA gives me a discount, knocking the cost from $108.99 to only $80.99.) That was Tuesday afternoon.
It's almost like the hard times circle 'round Tuesday night, I spent working updating my Quicken files. And I mean, ALL night. I went to sleep after the sun rose. I then woke up and got to work around 11am. I mentioned to Cara and Charlie my financial woes. (If you don't fully understand the depth of my distress, consider this: I've been worrying more about money than I have about a certain someone who's been gone all week and I haven't heard a peep from. Now you have an idea of how bad it's been.) During the overlap between our breaks, Charlie helped me start hammering out a realistic picture of my financial needs. I ended up working a 12 1/2 hour shift. When I got home, I picked up the budget again and kept hammering out numbers. Around 6:30 Thursday morning, I broke down. I had figured out my basic fixed needs and that left me with less than $200/month for everything else (food included). I cried and sobbed and I actually had a moment where I thought to myself, "This is too much. I can't handle this. I can't do this." Living at home is driving me to despair and thoughts that I can't include here for fear of worrying my friends even more. I say this all somewhat casually because once you get that low, there's nowhere to go but up. Okay, I honestly don't know why I felt better. Maybe it was the many hours of sleep that I proceeded to get. Maybe it was the 60 degree weather as I drove into work. Or maybe it was that I refused to let it push me down anymore.
A single battle lost but not the war ('cause) Whatever it was, I am feeling better. I'm feeling somewhat stressed, but I'm practicing denial and not thinking about it if at all possible. I'm to that point of "I just don't care." Not necessarily the best attitude to have, but it's really the only one I can deal with at this point. And then driving to work today and back home tonight, I had the country station turned on and Jo Dee Messina's latest single "Bring On the Rain" came on. It just described my last day or so perfectly.
Yeah, I might feel defeated, |
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