Revelations (in progress)

I've got quite a bit to write in here. I feel like I need to try and update everyone on a number of revelations I've had over the last week and a half. I just don't know how much will make it in here before I forget and/or get distracted by the headache being generated by my toothache. :-)

So, I've got good news for all of you out there who have been worrying about me. I have found a foolproof reason to stay alive...

I've got too many movie sequels to see. I've got three more Harry Potter movies (four if they make a movie of the fifth book that J. K. Rowling is supposedly writing right now, plus I missed a big chunk of the first movie so I have to watch that one again), plus two more Star Wars movies in this current trilogy (and three more on top of that if George Lucas ever truly finishes the story), and the list goes on. So I've easily got another five years of movies to wait for. :-D I told that to a friend today and he wasn't sure whether that was reassuring or not.

And for those of you who talked to me at various points of distress last weekend, let me explain how I got to the bad place I was in. It actually started on the Sunday afternoon with my parents.

Specifically, my dad asked in his patronizing "I have no faith in you" way, "So are you gonna be on time to work today?" and it upset me way too much. I mean, I'm not even gonna tell you all about my reaction. Suffice to say that I blasted my Linkin Park CD in my car as I sped down Rt. 3 at high speeds. And when I got to the store, I had to sit in my car for several minutes trying to compose myself so that I wouldn't burst into tears upon walking inside. And I kept my sunglasses on until I was well into the store.

So that put me in a bad place and I started questioning everything in my life, and ended up focusing on my love life (or whatever you want to call it). When I got home after midnight, I couldn't sleep. I wrote in my journal for quite awhile, laying out a lot of my questions. When I was done, I still couldn't sleep, so I picked up "The Snow Garden" and started reading. After quite awhile, I got to the point where I was so tired that I couldn't retain anything (and as I've discovered, you can't read Christopher Rice's books unless you take it all in...there's no skimming allowed). So I put down the book, pulled up the covers and curled up.

Nothing happened.

Except that I was all of a sudden, wide awake and my mind was racing with all the questions I'd written about earlier in the morning.

Well, I've got to go to bed now...so I'll return to this update/explanation later...

I did a lot of summing up of my realizations today for a dear friend and said to him, "Even if she and I never get back together and we're just friends...as much as I complain about relationships and agonize over whether she's gonna still find me attractive, I wouldn't undo it. She's one of the best things that ever happened to me." And then I tried to describe the lyrics to a country song that I've heard a few times, most recently this weekend on the radio. They are very apropos. And when I find them, I'll post them up here too...