Adventures in Polyamoury
** By the way, the poly flag is copied from Jim Evan's Page. Visit him to read about the meaning of the flag.
Polyfidelity- a closed relationship involving more than two people.
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OCTOBER 1997... My thoughts on polyfidelity may seem, idealistic , naive to some, but, this is my page I can say what I want!!!!!!!(senseless display of an immature tempertantrum, thank-you)!
My first exposure to polyfidelity was through a sci-fi novel "Time Enough For Love" by Robert A. Heinlein. I didn't even know there was a word to describe his thoughts on group marriages. I just chalked this concept up to the ramblings of a dirty old man. Then I read more of his books. And more. I was obsessed with the idea. My boyfriend at the time , now my husband, debated with me for hours on the topic. What about jealousy? Disease? Insecurity? What would our parents think? The neighbours? Could a person have a deep, intimate relationship with more than one person at a time?
Well, of course not. This was only an idea in one man's head, right?
Then we were connected to the internet. During my search about resources for bi's I saw reference to people living in group marriages.................... WHAT?............I couldn't believe it. People were managing to do it. I got excited. This, was what I wanted. But what about my current husband, did he want this too?
Surprisingly, he did. We talked about it for weeks, it filled all our spare time, and was each evening's debate. How could we find people that agreed with us on this without alienating ourselves? Did any of "our kind" of people exist in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada?
Maybe, but how do you explain a "closed" " open" marriage to someone?? Not an easy task my friend.
I guess I can explain why we decided to finally go through with a "search" for person/people for us to date. We love each other very much and could live full, wonderful lives with the two of us, and one soon day, children. But to make life exquisite a huge happy family is required. Well, for us anyhow. How better to accomplish this than living in a group marriage, a commune. I know we are not the only people who think this way. The proof is in the myriad of homepages dedicated to the subject. So the search goes on.
But it is hard. Jealousy is a problem that has to be continually overcome. No one wants to feel their needs won't be met, especially me :). So we talk, alot. It may even be a risk to what we have now. But I think we'll make it. Now if we could just convince people that we are not lusty satyre's out for a quick, kinky fuck we'll be set.
FEBRUARY 1998..Well, what do you know, there are people who exist out there in cyberspace who are pretty darn cool. Except for the kids writting using their parents e-mail, this internet thing really works. I've been able to finally talk with folks who are intelligent, witty, articulate, and poly!!! Hey, life is full of surprises.
JULY 26, 1998... Well, here I am in Nova Scotia, now saying I've mostly found, at best, "buddies" (aka fuck-friends) and my relationships are anything but closed. I don't know whether I'm bitter, jaded, just disgusted with myself, or really changing my mind. I think I fell from those lofty ideals pretty hard and now I either have to change my behavior or my values. Great, now I'm all fucked up & lonely to boot. Shit....
SEPTEMBER '98... Well I'm back together with hubby(he could FINNALLY move out here!) We're planning on spending some time together to get our relationship back on line. So, no time for others right now!
EBRUARY '99... I'm pregnant but we're still looking to meet people. Pretty hard lately as I feel we'll need to travel to meet anyone... and it is VERY hard to develop relationships long distance. But we continue the search! Add the preggo factor and she looks pretty gloomy.
MARCH '99... An unexpected turn! A close friend of mine, who we are toally honest/open with, asked me to date her.(had a crush on her FOREVER, but I behaved) You never know who will be willing to srike out onto the poly adventure.
APRIL '99...Things are going well between myself and my girlfriend, she's coming to the birthing of our child! She and hubby are good friends and well, we've seemed to have formed a happy triad. There is something very satisfying about waking up snuggled between two people you care about.
AUGUST '99...Something went wrong along the way.. there was no break-up per se, but there is a definate change in the relationship. Tried talking about it with her on several occasions. It was like trying to nail Jello to the wall just bringing up the topic. We are back to this surreal "friends" thing. It is like the "pretending nothing had changed" in public we did while we were seeing each other oozed into our private life. Maybe it was too much, a baby, a man, and a woman to deal with. Maybe things went too fast as far as including hubby. Maybe, maybe, maybe...hard to analize when she won't tell me anything. I've stopped beating myself up over it. I've also stopped letting her hurt me with disappointing "no-shows".
Anyone with similar bumps along this road? Drop me a line...
I'll keep ya posted, ciao
