Relationships and Sexuality

I have found that changes in my perception of my sexuality and myself as a sexual being have greatly influenced the rest of my life.

Relationships and sexuality have always been tied up in one knot for as long as I can remember. I can't have a relationship that has no physical component. I can't be, what some call, "evolved" in my relationships with others. I am attracted to my friends because of their looks and personality combined. I don't find this shallow, it just is how I react to people. I see someone who I find attractive and get to know them, if their personality is interesting, we become friends.

Even my relationship with my parents and family has a physical component....(I'm talking hugs & normal healthy stuff here!!!) Call it an over-simplification, but relationships and sexuality are intertwined for me.

I think I've empowered myself by acknowledging my own sexuality. I enjoy sex. I have a great time and I don't equate sex with love. I've had sex with people I was in love with and good ol'gratuitous sex because I was horny. I enjoyed the sex inside a relationship more, if only for the emotional aspect. There is something very exhilarating adout possesing the knowledge of what makes the other person happy. But I get off on the emotional bond as much as the physical action... so... why have sex outside a relationship? It adds nothing to my life, except alot of complications.

I used to think relationships had to be monogamous, not thinking there were any alternatives. I failed at monogamy in my first long-term relationship. It lasted 2 years and I cheated on him twice during that time. I feel horrible about this and still wish that fellow well. Too bad I didn't know my mind then. Unfortunately, my current beliefs would have ended that relationship anyway, not many people understand polyamoury

Luckily, I've found a person who loves all my wierd and wonderful ways, I think of him as the reflection of my soul. And I am happy to say we're married and staying that way.