D.
Marbles normally earmarked for sharing on the playground will be distributed among some of the independent schoolyard bullies, the session decided.
Ten Clubhouse elders voted unanimously to redirect the marbles as a protest against the decision of the General Playground Council's executive committee not to overturn a "Child of Play" award to girl-with-cooties Mary Jane Carre.
In a letter to the General Playground Council, the School District of the Sun and the Classroom of New Covenant, the session said, "We agree with Schoolyard bully Curtis E. Spaird 's quoted statement that 'to recognize her would appear to endorse the position for which she's been advocating.'" Mary Jane is known throughout the school for claiming that cooties is not a disease, but rather a label used by bullies to draw a circle and shut people out.
The letter also said that the decision by constituencies among "the girls" to nominate Spahr as a model of Schoolyard Play "is clearly problematic for the majority of Club members who for the past two years have participated in good faith in the lengthy debate and decision-making process about cooties and whose position has twice prevailed in votes in the clubhouse."
The letter said the Club's Book of Order requires that no girls with cooties be allowed in. "How unfortunate, in light of these Club imperatives, that a portion of the 'cootie' minority should attempt to do an end run around the Bully code, an end run around the spirit and values of our Book of Order, and an end run around the fact that boys rule by nominating for a Child of Play Award a person who's got cooties! Ew!"
The letter says, "one former principal called withholding marbles `schoolyard sin,' but we agree rather with famed schoolyard bully Nelson Muntz: `Henh-Henh!'" (audio)
The letter was signed by Johnny Dunne, clerk of session.
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Q: How many Stated Clerks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Six. One to turn the lightbulb and a committee of five to determine in which direction.
Q: How many Presbyterian clergywomen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Any of the 70% who would be happy to get any job in the church.
Q: How many working class Presbyterians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: He'll get around to it after he's through fixing the furnace.
Q: How do parliamentarians change a lightbulb?
A: "The motion as to changing the lightbulb shall properly be brought
under new business. When the main motion has been made and seconded,amendments as to the aquisition of a ladder and/or the deposal of the old
lightbulb may then be brought.
When the motion has been perfected, the moderator shall read the text of
the motion. If there is insufficient light by which the moderator may
read, then the motion shal fail and no action shall be taken."
Q: How many Presbyterians of color does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Both of them.
Q: How many Princeton Seminarians does to take to change a lightbulb?
A: Change??!!??
Q: How do you determine which Presbyterians are eligible to screw in a
lightbulb?
A: G:6.0106.LB Anyone who demonstrates a manner of life in accordance with the proper and regular maintenance of all household tasks shall be eligible to screw in a lightbulb.
However, any person who acknowledges any other act of screwing shall not be eligible until a full and detailed description, (that is, confession) has been made.
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By Georgia R. Freelove, Gayman Staff Writer
Butte, MT - "It was a happy accident," declared recently-hired gay evangelist Oscar Wilde Smith. Smith, as part of his ministry with gays and lesbians in Butte, MT, recently entered Shiney's, the local Go-Go bar. While dancing with friends near an empty platform, Smith got a little wild and his friends urged him to get up and dance.
"It was so hot up there under the lights, I had to take my shirt off.[D.] I had no choice," said the recently ordained graduate of Louisville Seminary. "Next thing I knew, men were shoving dollar bills into my pants -- and not just Presbyterians, either."
Herman Lustig, chair of the search committee that hired Smith as their area's gay evangelist, told the Gayman, "There is seemingly no end to this man's talents." He noted that Smith even received tips from the professional dancers who were working at Shiney's that night.
Smith seems envigorated by his new-found talent. "Funds aren't the only thing I'm gonna raise," he remarked with a wry grin. He hopes his efforts "bring us that much closer to the day when `all may freely serve.'"
Smith's next trick? "One day, when I'm a little braver, maybe I'll sport my PLG-string," he muses.
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Read our stories of hope and healing today!
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Book of Order über alles
Best of all our holy texts
Bless our ordination standards
as we pry, policing sex.
Not the Bible, nor Confessions
Only Book of Order, Thee
Just one part we hold o'er others:
Gee six o one o six bee.
Book of Order über alles
justifies our prejudice
No more love for God and neighbor
only pure self-righteousness
Changed from whoring into boring
"chaste" and "faithful" let us be
so we all can learn to master
lies, deceit, hypocrisy.
Book of Order über alles
it's selectively enforced
loving queers get nailed but not the
unrepentantly divorced.
Gluttons, usurers, idol't'rs
All are faithfully ordained
When we keep the queers from leading
Het supremacy's sustained.
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