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If you get the NewsLetter then you would know that i am getting married and that i want very much to finally start raising a family.You would also know that i am getting concerned about how to handle bondage now that Rob and i are planing to have a family. Also, in the news letter i promised that two good friends of mine would write an article each about 'What Happens When the Kids Find Out'.
This isn't something that Rob and i plan to drop on our children someday. If we feel the need to explain bondage then we will, hopefully we won't have to go there - at least unprepared!
Accidents do happen though, and while we do not want to scare the kids to death when they walk in and see that daddy has mom all tied up, we have to be prepared for that happening someday. We can't give up all our pleasures for the kids. We just have to be careful - and prepared if one of the kids were to ever walk in on us. We have to be prepared if the kids hear about bondage from thier friends and get the wrong idea about it.
This first article is written by a dear friend who insists on thinking of himself as being about over the hill. He will startle you with his insight and his honesty. Be prepared before reading this one! Anyone can tell you what to do; this man tells you what he did and why you shouldn't do it as he did. Be prepared for a gut-wrenching look at...
What no to do when one of the kids walks into the bedroom...
by Ron Jones
idron@hotmail.com
"I do not want to make my son's life more miserable than I already have.."What do to if the kids find out. I guess that depends on how they find out. If they walk in on you and you're the authoritarian type , "go back to bed!" will get you off the hook, but don't expect your child to like you very much afterward, but then if you're the authoritarian, your child already probably does not like you very much anyway, and you probably don't care.I was a good provider, not a very good parent, I wasn't divorced but I really only saw the kids on weekends. I took refuge doing shift work.
When they got the age where mischief making was expected, I figured it was better for me to evaporate than hit them. All I can say is don't do what I did, your kids will either not have kids or turn out to be the same kind of parent you were. And now that I'm reaping the whirlwind, the former is preferable.
Now to any one who wants to be liked by their kids, or whether you want to be liked or not, I will offer one word of advice. By the time your child is able to walk and is tall enough to reach your bedroom doorknob, make sure that door knob has a lock on it, and that lock works, and you use it.
The best explanation for being in an embarrassing situation is not needing to explain in the first place.
Now, I had to have some surgery done awhile back, and one of my grown grand nieces got the job of making sure some horrible green monster didn't come slithering out of my body or to be on hand to call the National Guard if it did.I thought I was pretty slick, before I went into the hospital I moved all my bookmarks and favorites off the computer and on to floppy disks. Not a problem, the problem was after, I got home I still kept the same normal sleep wake pattern for people in New Zealand. This is all well and good if you live in Auckland, I live in the Mid-west.
I restored my files, forgetting that I'd be asleep for part of the time my neice would be awake. Well the girl's grand mother should have known I liked tying girls up, God knows I did to her often enough, and got punched in the head for it too by my father when he found out. So, when S[name maimed] confronted me with the stuff on the computer, I reverted back to my usual style of parenting,
"Well, I'm not going to hold it against you if you want to leave."
I would have just had a nursing service come by to check in, if I needed to, or move into assisted living, if that's what what needed.
Not only did she stay, she asked me to tie her up, just to see what the big deal is.
Which I did. I don't know what she felt but I can tell you what I felt, nothing. During the surgery I died on the table but they brought me back, for the most part. I'm convinced part of me is still dead.
I'm not saying go ahead and tie your kids up either. Even if they ask you to, it is a stupid idea. Remember I was dealing with a grown woman, not a minor.
Despite the surgery, my health continued to deteriorate, and I was all set to make a move to assisted living, my son more out of guilt and and a sense of duty was house hunting, well he and his wife found one big enough for all of us, me, them, and their children.
He was off the coast of Southeast Asia picking up boat people when his his mother died, don't worry it was lung cancer, I didn't plant an axe in her head. And I've got news for my son, he was doing more good being where he was, there was nothing more anybody could do for my wife, and he's going to find there's damn little he's going to be able to do for me either, but I made the move anyway, because I though I might be able to at least make amends for the way I treated my children, by at least being with my grand children.
Well that idea went down the tubes quickly, My grandson found my full Zip disk of images I collected of the web, I know what you're thinking, this guy's been on the net for 3 years and he's only got one Zip disk full? I'm picky, I've got another one I'm working on, but that's beside the point. He did at least have to courage to come to me with the disk after he discovered what was on it. He handed it back to me and said "Grandpop, I think this is your disk."
I gave him the same 5 second talk about bondage I had with his father, except instead of "Go back to bed!" it was "Stay out of my disks!"
I thought that settled things nicely, and life continued along normally as soon as I got my own phone line and moved my computer into my bedroom.
Part of my post op directions were to walk for a half hour each day, now its try to walk for half hour, but if I get short of breath to stop and return home. I usually take one or more of the grandchildren with me. One grandson is 14 and a granddaughter is 10.
On one of our walks, we saw two girls, roughly my granddaughter's age primly tied and blindfolded to front yard fence posts, and a woman of about 30 sitting on her front porch watching them. I must have started veering closer to them, because the woman called to us, "Don't untie them, they've been bad." I said "Ok, I won't." and asked her if she'd like two more children to add to her collection. Everything seemed good natured, a child has a certain look on their face if they're being punished, these two girls were enjoying themselves too much. As we headed away I heard the woman ask at least one of them if they were all right.
The grand kids looked at me and I said, "I think they were only playing, some people think its fun." A few days later I overheard a part of a conversation that at least suggested a third, older girl might have been involved, and my grandson spoke with her later that week..
Last week he asked me what I considered the third or fourth stupidest question I have ever been asked. I'll get the list of these up somewhere else, the winner being, "Hey, Ron, do you have a jigsaw blade for cutting glass?" I went in my tool box, and handed him the hammer. I said "Same effect"
At any rate the boy asked me if I ever tied his grandmother up, he'd seen the disk, his father caught us, and its not my habit to lie to people when all the evidence is to the contrary. Ok so I wouldn't make a good senator from New York and I'd be a worse President. The only thing that bothered me is that she died 3 years before this kid was born., I just said, "Yeah, So?." in a tone that got its desired effect, he found someone else to bother.
Ok now we get to yesterday, during the football game Coor's began running an ad that featured one of the best tie ups you will ever see on television. My grandson says to his sister, "Yeah that's what I'm going to do to you after the game is over!"
She said, "No you won't, Mom won't let you.
"My grandson says, "That's Ok, Grandpop will take care of her."
"Oh no I won't" I told him, "You're on your own, Pallie."
So the boy asks his father, "Dad, is Ok if I tie Mom up?"
My son said, "If your capable of it."
I pulled 2 bucks out of my pocket and asked, "Any bets?"
My son asked me "Which way are you betting, He will or he won't?"
I said "won't", figuring my daughter in law would never allow that to happen with me in the room.
So my son goes out in the yard to get his mother, she was just puttering in the garden because she doesn't like football She and my grandson come back into the house, and he tells me to give him 2 dollars, I asked him, "For what?"
And the boys mother informs me I lost a bet.
He ties his mother and sister up exactly as in one of the photoseries I have on that disk. When the time came to untie them my, daughter in law asked my son what started all this. My son said "Beer commercial, something he saw."
Maybe he's got it out of his system now, maybe he's going to tie up every girl in the neighborhood, but I'm inclined here to go back to my old approach of non-involvement, at least that way I'm not the one who has to explain.
What I wish had happened, with my kids, I think I should have taken the time to tell at least a partial lie, "Your mother and I couldn't sleep, this was game we played when we were young, I'm sorry if we woke you up."With the events after the surgery, I still honestly wish they'd have stopped trying to bring me back, after the second time they should have given up, because this hurts bad enough now folks, its only going to get worse.
What would have happened if I caught my parents, I'll tell you.I walked in their bedroom without knocking, once. Hit in the head twice and literally kicked out the door when I dropped. I honestly believe that if I had caught them having sex, I would not be writing this.
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