I was a virgin when I married at the ripe old age of 25. I'm not ugly, and I wasnt fat. I was just committed to being a good girl. But that sex drive and urge for an occasional taste of kinky never went away. I just assumed that my hubby would enjoy an enthusiatic woman and we would meet each others needs. I should have known there would be trouble when my beautiful blue satin corset/bustier for the second wedding night was met with "its okay..but its not you".

My subbie tendencies have always been there. But I was forced by circumstance to take the Domme role for the most part. And I resented it....after about 7 years or so.

Well, fast forward 3 kids (twins + one) and a few years and I was introduced online to BDSM. It released me...(no pun intended) it put words to my feelings, and gave me a safe place to be myself without fear of being "weak" and so on.

I'm afraid I could go on for a long time on this subject. I was lucky enough to meet a man in real life who is a wonderful match for me.

Yesterday I did. A girl who is an artist was once complaining that no men ever wanted to pose for her. So making a joke about it I gave her a proposition. That was half a year ago. Yesterday it all fell in place and we spent 4 hours working. Me naked and tied, her watching and drawing.

It was an odd and sensual feeling. Being erotically tied and exposed, where there was no erotic context, no relationship, no seduction going on, just work being done. That sort of added to the helpless, vulnerable and exposed feeling of bondage... Gee how does one explain this without posing as a mainiac...

Anyhow, I will be mailing you some pics when she is finished!

When I said it doesn't matter wether I'm tied or tie, I was not completely honest. The thing is that it depends so much on my mood, my status. WHen I feel fine and am on top of the world, then I really feel like tying, a lot. But then when I feel stressed, tired, and low, then I prefere to be tied.

I guess it is becaus when I am tired, it is often because of my work, where I have responsibility for a lot of people. When I get home I just don't feel like keeping up that responsibility. I want to be off. And that is someting special about bondage. Being tied up makes me feel taken care of, safe and in some wierd manner protected. I can let go and really have a time off. I just lay back and enjoy the ride, sort of.

On the other hand, when I'm feeling great, I just love seeing a cute damsel squirming in a distress brought upon her by me. I love the wealth it is in life to have a woman offering me her body to tie and play with. Then I really live. I'm a lion and I am alive.

I tell you this because I feel like sharing it, but also in the purpose of giving you ideas that might help you in your relationship with rob. Maybe, I say maybe he works in a similar way. If that is so, look out for the days when he won a bet at work or had a chance to impress his colleges or whatever makes him high...

I know, this is calculating and sly, but then the purpose is for all to feel fine... Just some thoughts... I'm confident you know how to use the delete button if you feel this is rubbish.

A few weeks ago I was a lot worried that you had disappeared. It proved I was unable to use the internet to get information, *blushing in shame*. Thanks for the nice service and improvement of your New stuff page.

At this time I am single and would just love to meet someone who is a) normal b) intelligent c) caring etc. as I am sure you are. So often, it seems that people you read about on the internet or in magazines are seriously into pain, drugs, violence and all those not particularly desirable things. I long to go back to my teens when you could tie friends up and put it down to adolescent playfulness etc.

I liked your "Tough Love" fantasy, and I would've done that for you. BUT then I'm a dom and I like that. HOWEVER, I understand Rob's point (since you know from reading my stuff that I've been there) that he thought of it as more the question than the fantasy- the question being, "You wouldn't REALLY hurt me, would you?"

Ya know, I think that's the question, right there. With all our wondering and analysis over the "why" of bondage, I think it really boils down to just that simple.

You know me. For me, it's the trust that's the turn on to bondage. I like putting people into that position where they have to let go, have to go by faith, by trust. Have to know that there's nothing between them and a REALLY bad time except my good character. And then, just when I could be really cruel, not be cruel.

And even more, I like reversing roles (even though I',m not a sub) and getting in people's face with my faith in them. "I'm going to bet my life that you're not the kind of person that is going to make this go wrong. Prove me right. My life, my health, my dick, is in your hands, what are you going to do about it?"

And Rob knows you. He saw thru the challenge, saw what was at the heart of it. You might like to be roughed up some time, for fun, but what you really want is just what we all want, what I want. You want to be ABLE to trust someone completely.

Falling in love is tough. It's a hard, harsh, dirty business. Because it is "FALLING" in love. We don't know how far the drop is, how hard we'll hit. While we're falling, it feels like flying, and we could fall forever, God willing. But there's that sudden stop at the end. If it ends. And how many times can we jump, wondering how far we'll fall this time?

I like Rob. Hell, I may even love Rob. For who he is, for what he brings out in you, and for what he represents for all of us - someone we can trust. Who takes us, kinks and all, because he feels it too.

I am jealous as heck of Rob, and really bummed that he got you first. But if I can't have you, I sure am glad you have him. We all deserve that. That's why I like you and your site so much, it reminds us all to keep trying.

I was turned on by your picnic story. wow.

And as for your visit from cupid, well, here's a little story-

[clipped for brevity)

Perhaps because of being a woman, perhaps because of the education I received, I don't know, but there is something which gives 'the first time' for us a special significance.

I have always remembered my first kiss, the darkness, the trembling lips, that boy so nervous . or more so than me, the hands exploring you..

Or the first time you make love,never having shown yourself naked before, seen how you look, seen the other body, feel how it pentrates you, . all are new sensations.
(Until now, with more or less luck, the majority of us have experienced these or similar situations.)
(I have had the luck of going a little further.)

We usually play the Damsel in Distress games, I tie her to the buzzsaw, the railroad tracks, the usual! , although she DOES enjoy a little spanking once in a while!!

(Oh DARN!!)