Politically Correct Dog Show

Political Correctness has gone too far in our sport when:

1) The AKC dispenses with dog and bitch classes for being gender biased. Gender-Neutral classes will make up the bulk of competition, which also will no longer include Veteran's Class, Puppy Class or 12-18 month classes as they smack of age discrimination.

2) First through fourth placements will no longer be offered since anything less than a first place may potentially damage self esteem. The judge will, instead, distribute amber colored ribbons to all participants, pat them on the back and tell them they all did a good job.

3) Free baiting will be strongly discouraged as it indicates an unfair economic advantage over dogs from socio-economically disadvantaged backgrounds where extra food may be at a premium.

4) Owners of dogs will no longer be referred to as "owners," since this suggests oppression of one species over another. Henceforth, "owners" will come to be known as "sapien partners."

5) Professional Handling will be considered bourgeois as society comes to consider the blatant exchange of money for services to be tasteless and un-American. Handlers will offer their abilities gratis for "the good of the world" and henceforth will be called "pattern facilitators."

6) Cross-breeding between breeds will be encouraged as society comes to value "dog-ness" over breed specificity. After all, who is anyone to determine that a poodle is preferable to a Irish Setter?

7) Since no one person is better than another, the concept of "trained and/or qualified" judges will be obliterated. Anyone who likes dogs will be qualified to stand in a ring under the auspices of the AKC. The result is that dog shows can be held anytime, anywhere, since virtually anyone can distribute amber colored ribbons.

8) Litter registrations, breeding records, etc. will no longer be monitored or considered public record; after all, what a "sapien partner" and his/her dog does with their personal life is none of anyone's business as long as he/she continues to do his/her job.

9) Obedience competition will have been overhauled since the idea of one species taking orders from another was deemed abhorrent. Instead, sapien partners and their dogs will enter the ring and their exercise might sound something like this: "Precious, let's sit, shall we? We'll do it together. Precious, how do you feel about that jump? Not today? Ok. Let's both go pick up that dumbbell."

10) Agility courses will be revamped to allow the inclusion of physically-challenged dogs. Buggies and dollies will be provided to those participants unable to complete the course on foot.

Author Unknown.

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