Just A Widdle Thing

As most of you are aware from our previous posts, we live in what must be one of the highest concentrations of poisonous snakes in the Perth metropolitan area. Two of the most common breeds are the Tiger snake and the Western Brown or Dugite, both of which are on the list as being in the top 10 world's most poisonous snakes. Apart from the usual methods for deterring these little buggers, such as continuous fencing that is buried to a depth of three feet, and all the gateways with metal sills to prevent snakes and blue-tongued lizards (these Blue Tongues are not toxic but they eat baby snakes) access to the back yard, we still get some of these reptiles coming in. As I had had to dispose of a 4-foot tiger that was very close to the back yard, only two days ago, I thought that I would inquire of some old mates of mine who would have more experience in the Bush than I would.

The answers that I got varied from putting hemp rope across the gateways on the ground as the snakes did not like the feel of the hemp on their bellies, to the more ridiculous and weird fact that snakes would not cross a line of human urine on the ground. Now the hemp rope was a good idea, but it was stressed to me that it had to be the kind of rope that they used to tie ships up with, to stop them wandering or whatever ships do, and was, therefore, hard to find and very expensive and would only be sold in thousand-yard lengths, which was about 990 yards more than I required, so it was on to plan B.

I thought that I could just about handle the urine method, I mean, it was within my capabilities, and it might even save on the loading of the house water supply, as we are on tank water, not on scheme. Now I know that this is not very polite, but has anyone out there tried to widdle across or along a twelve-foot gate? Quite apart from the walking whilst widdling (which was absurdly difficult), I kept running out and having to go inside and drink copious quantities of water or coffee to resupply, and then when I was ready, I could not find where I had stopped so I could restart. Apart from that, it was stressed to me that both sides of the gate had to be covered, and the posts. While the inside was OK to do, besides the dogs coming and covering my widdle with theirs (dominance!), I had to go and do the "Public" side of the gates as well.

I know that the people across the road think that I am a touch strange, and as I had no wish to cement that idea, I had to conduct my "Covert Missions" under cover of darkness.

Motion sensitive lights are wonderful, aren't they? There I was, snake proofing the gate, when I was spotlit for all the world to admire, wearing thongs and a smile - after all, it was a hot night and it was about 2 in the morning - and I for one cannot perform for an audience, even an imaginary one, so that put paid to that idea. Dont get me wrong, I am not the shy and retiring type, but to continue with an action that is fairly private whilst being illuminated by 250 watts of floodlight is kind of unnerving.

Thank goodness for buckets.

Kindest Regards and a Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year to you all. I know that I am going to have a good time, if I haven't been locked up for Public Indecency, and, most important of all, a big hug to your dogs.

Andrew Gaynor
Alphalupus Kennel
Australia

Reprinted with permission of author.

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