About Me

ABOUT ME:

I'm Becky. Where I came from I'm not sure, but I've been around as long as I can remember. That might sound weird, but I'm sort of like an alternate persona - I live inside a guy who's initials are BK, thus my own name BecKy. Although I have always been here, it's only the last few years with going to college that I have really been able to bloom. Even so I still only come out around Halloween once or twice a year, not that you can blame the guy too much with all the cruel people out there and all the ones he's had to put up with.

Okay, seriously now. I'm 27 and some kind of transgendered (pick your label, I'm not going to go that far). I'm not interested in changing my body; I'm not gay, but I like to dress up and look pretty. If that makes something wrong with me, that’s your opinion – I can deal with it. But enough with defending myself. I probably first discovered this side of me when I was about 3, and got into a bag of hand-me-downs from our cousins (both girls). I only remember a couple of experiences here, and I never got caught or anything - so many people have stories about being caught or forced to cross-dress as a child, or being encouraged to do so, but it never happened to me. In fact when it was suggested I be a girl for Halloween, or wear my sister's underwear when I ran out of clean pairs, I refused to do so. When I turned about 8 I was back into the hand-me-downs off and on for a few years, even going through a purge cycle and ruining a few nice things before returning to it more or less for good at about 13. With exception of a few short periods, most recently when I was 21 for about 4 months, I've been wearing something nice everyday – pajamas at night mainly, plus what I war when I go out.

So what am I? Most of the time I'm like any other guy. I think like a guy, I like cars and trains and adventure movies. But I also like to cook, I don't mind doing laundry, I like children despite having never taken the chance to expose those feelings before others. Unlike most guys I'm not after sex, in fact have rejected most of the opportunities I've had, looking for a relationship instead. (However I have not been very lucky, not dating until I was 19 - my "Prom" was Halloween when I was 22- and having 7 dates between 3 girls to show for 14 years of trying). I'm showing signs of apparent depression, from so many disappointments. The last time I had a date? December 1998; met a girl online from some 4 hours away and saw her 3 times before she pulled out some insane crap about really being a lesbian and her ex just came back from overseas, which was a total line of bull and I really don’t know what the true story actually is to this day. But I don't get out much either, having lost most of my friends to moving away or through leaving college and not replaced a one of them. I've always been a shy person and not easily made friends with people, not to mention being burned so many times does not help. End result is I don't waste time on many people if there's no chance for a relationship; guys I have little use for at all - especially ones my age I am not comfortable around.

In 1993 I had my first experiences in front of people. A female friend made a lucky guess and it went from there to a climax at Halloween where the girl I'd been dating for a few weeks dumped me over two things: Because I was quite literally cuter than she was, and because of a hangup about lesbianism (apparently her mother "came out" after leaving her father, it was a mess). As for the friend? I dropped her when she began trying to use it against me, and it became clear I was more and more just a taxi service rather than a friend. Her boyfriend, a friend of mine since 4th grade, decided he'd rather be used than respect his friends, and pretty much between the two I walked away in disgust. But... even though the Halloween Party per se was a major disaster with only 7 people showing up.. and having to calm down a freaked out girlfriend... I truly enjoyed it. I looked good, and felt good, and would have stayed that way all night to drive taking people home if it wasn't for Carol's objections.

Come college and new friends. Had another friend figure it out, and she was fascinated by it. I almost went out for 1995, came very close to it, but when no one wanted to help out and go with me I ended up going with some aquaintences out to breakfast. At least I was doing things...

1996. Again Halloween, and my one friend invited me to go to a costume contest near her, off campus and virtually unknown to it despite being 15 minutes away (possibly due to not selling alcohol? LOL). Anyways after doing some shopping (used clothes for $2 a bag!) I was able to put together an outfit and went. My friend's aunt ended up doing the makeup; her brother and cousin were also going as "girls" so it was no big deal. I also met her (girl) cousin Sam, who I ended up seeing for a few weeks. I looked pretty good; from a distance I fooled people (the shocked look on the singer's face was priceless) and I was totally at home - it felt like being a whole other person, I suppose in a way it was! Going home weekends I had driven back from home on this Saturday and I was so comfortable I drove back home before I ever changed or cleaned up. When Halloween came, I went to the dorm party with Sam - only change was a longer skirt, it was cold and I wanted some pockets! End result was I won both contests and $40. Sam only lasted another date because of a number of factors, biggest being her 16 to my 22 at the time. But I learned a lot about myself, even after taking her home I stayed in the front hall freaking people out as all the car-less home boys from the city came and invaded the party. I find I enjoy the humor value as much as I find myself comfortable in a skirt, most guys have a funny reaction when they figure out all is not as it seems. (That doesnt mean I would push my luck, I've no desire to dance with a guy anyways!)

1997 - The Best Yet. Even though I have some kind of affinity for attracting people only interested in using me, I had fun. On Halloween I went to a faraway C&W dance club, resulting in the top picture on my page. My friend this time was a college aquaintance some 7 years older, with her own children. The dress? I had a red formal a friend gave to me, but it both was coming apart and was only straps above the breast - where I shaved it became red and bumpy and stayed that way. So on a whim I went into a thrift shop and began trying on formals. The only 18 on the rack, and the only one that fit me that wasn't damaged or stained, was that dress. I was asked to dance 4 times that night, when one guy asked a second time I finally told him "you know I am a guy, right?" he was pretty drunk, but a happy drunk, he laughed. The first time he asked me, when I shook my head he asked my friend next J. I also got a free drink for dancing near the band, apparently the bar people wanted to be able to pick on the singer about what girls were "after" him. I took it in fun.

The next night I was some 200 miles from there visiting a new friend, with a guy I knew from college. I was supposed to go to a murder mystery/dinner/costume contest. We ended up going bowling (I did NOT bowl in that skirt!). I still had fun and although questioned by some guys, it was not a problem. The girl we visited and the guy I went with kind of hooked up; after bowling they had me buy beer so they could watch the clerk when I was ID'ed. Even this was not a problem, granted it was Nov. 1st, but the clerk even waited for me to go before really reacting. I think had I not needed the ID he might have wondered, but not known... that was the last fun time, though, after that the girl's room mates made it a nightmare and in the end it turned out the one we visited wasn't much of a person either - she got me in some legal trouble, nothing major and had the SUNY Public Safety done their job right, I never would have known anything of it - but that's a story for another day.

Thats the last time I was out as of this writing, but I have more to add as I edit this for 2001, so stay tuned.

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