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Related Articles

My Mother, the Greatest Inspiration of My Life
The tribute to my mother which I wrote on the night when she passed into glory.

Alzheimer Comedy Hour
Seeing the humor in the absurdities of Alzheimer's disease helped to save the sanity of this caregiver.

The Blessing of Lost Memories
Memory loss becomes a blessing when coupled with reminders of the pleasant things in life.

A Hug for Alzheimer's
The true story of how a hug cleared the cobwebs of confusion.

Alzheimer Books

The Alzheimer's Sourcebook for Caregivers

More Books on Coping with Alzheimer's Disease

Alzheimer Caregiver Survival Kit

by Traute Klein, biogardener

Alzheimer caregiver coping strategies. Don't become the victim. Take charge of the situation by adopting methods that work for you. And don't forget to laugh at the funnies.

Survive Your Alzheimer Loved One with Your Sanity Intact

If you are looking after an Alzheimer loved one, you will know how easy it is to get stressed out when your day is filled with frustration after frustration. Make sure that you, the caregiver, do not become the victim of the disease along with your loved one.

I was fortunate enough to have a family physician who kept telling me that my first obligation was to myself rather than to my mother. Unless I was in good health physically and emotionally, I would not have been of much use to her.

How to Lose Your Sanity

I have a friend, though, who either did not get such good advice or else did not listen to it. He looked after his Alzheimer wife with exemplary devotion. Her life became his life. He spent almost every waking minute with her, catering to her every need, until he identified with her. His beautiful poetry describes every facet of their interaction.

At her funeral, I thought he would thank God that she was finally delivered from her affliction. Not so. He was unconsolable. His emotional embrace of her dead body was more than pitiful. It was embarrassing. Since her death, this man has been living in the memory of his departed wife. He has lost contact with the world around him, and his friends no longer know how to reach him.

I am one of them.

How Not to Lose Your Sanity

I was not that dedicated a caregiver nor would I have wanted to be. I believe that I served my mother better by having a life of my own, as limited in time as it was. When she passed away, I rejoyed with her, because I knew that she was finally happy and whole again. I had prayed for her deliverance for years. I had asked God not to let her suffer but to take her into his loving embrace.

My mother's presense is still with me, not as that of the woman who did not recognise some of her own children any more, but the woman whose love nurtured me through my childhood, the woman who was my best friend as an adult. During the night when she went to be with the Lord whom she had served all her life, her life flashed before me as a string of loving experiences which she and I had shared, and I incorporated them into the tribute which I wrote to her memory, "My Mother, the Greatest Inspiration of My Life," linked in the left column.

No, sacrificing my life to serve my mother would not have pleased her. She wanted to see her children happy and fulfilled. She encouraged me in all of my endeavors and taught me to reach for the stars. She proudly shared in my accomplishments. She would not have wanted me to give up my identity to take on hers.

Caregiver Coping Strategies

• Don't allow yourself to become the victim.
  Take charge of the situation. I know it is hard, especially when the patient is a domineering husband. My mother was not easily convinced that she was no longer my guardian, either. She had always been the boss, and she frequently reminded me of the commandment to honor your father and mother.

  I never argued with her. I just changed the subject to distract her. A person with a short attention span can be more easily distracted than convinced. That was the only way to solve the problem of who was in charge.

• Get out of the house.
  Alone if you can, or take your loved one along if you can't. It may not be easy to get people to come and relieve you, but I always found it easy to find someone to watch my mother in social situations. While I was singing or playing for a funeral, my mother was always in the care of some kind parishioner who was happy to help. Just ask.

• Don't worry about strange attire.
  As long as the clothes were clean, I did not worry if my mother put on several layers of uncoordinated clothes. Alzheimer patients can never make up their mind of what looks best, so they simply put on everything on top of each other. I did not want to waste my time fussing over something that made no difference in the long run. So she looked strange. Big deal! She was happy.

• Keep on laughing.
  Alzheimer episodes can sound hilarious when viewed at a distance. Learn to tell these stories with drama. It won't hurt your loved one, but it will help you to lighten the load. This is the survival skill they didn't tell me about in Alzheimer caregiver support meetings. I learned this one on my own with the encouragement of my family physician.

  It worked like magic. I wrote about it in the forerunner to this article, "Alzheimer Comedy Hour," linked in the left column.

  Other Coping Mechanisms

  I am sure that every caregiver develops different coping strategies depending on personality and situation. I would love to hear about them.