Sex, Lies and the Autobot Leader

(or The Crush)

by Phantom


Chapter 13

Crystal thrashed on the sheets, in the grip of a terrible nightmare. Coolant poured from her writhing frame as her limbs moved jerkily, as if trying to fight off an unseen assailant. “Noooo!” she screamed. It seemed to be a miracle that she did not completely roll off the recharge berth and fall on her head. Somehow, despite her wild gestures, she managed to remain in place. However, that concern was lost on her. She was trapped in the world of dreams, suffocating in a nightmare realm of her own creation, borne out of her worst fears. She fought valiantly to get out, but seemed to only further entangle herself in the web of half-formed fears and dark intuition.

* * *

//He doesn't love you! He can't stand to be with you right now!// a mental voice thundered in her head. Optimus Prime's face appeared out of the murky blackness to sneer at her. “You're nothing to me. I was just getting my kicks with you. And you really think I care about you? Ha!”

“No!” Crystal screamed, mercury tears flowing down her cheeks. “Say it isn't true! Of all people, I expected you to be more understanding!”

“You expect too much. Who would ever fall in love with such a lowlife like you?” The Autobot leader stepped back into the shadows, a sneer plastered on the visible features of his upper face.

Alita's face lunged forward, nearly touching hers. “He's mine, and he always will be! He never cared for you! Stop deluding yourself and face it! With your past, no man would want to touch you. You have no friends here, Crystal. I wish you'd have died on that spaceship. You're just one giant loose end, the proverbial sore thumb that sticks out in the Autobot army. We all would be much better off without you. You've served your purpose, and now we no longer have any need of you. You should just take the hint and leave!”

Alita turned with a cruel smile and embraced the Autobot leader. “Optimus' heart will always be mine, no matter what you do. You will always be alone in the world.” Optimus removed his mask, revealing the same cruel smirk. “I only have optics for you, Alita. I don't know what I ever saw in that floozy.” He captured her lips in a passionate kiss. Alita's laughter somehow filtered through the kiss, echoing through Crystal's head.

Crystal screamed, feeling her world burst apart in a million flying shards. NO!

* * *

The femme thrashed awake, tangled in the bed coverings, soaked in her own coolant. She dimly realized that the loud yet strangely distant screaming was coming from herself. Yet, somehow, she couldn't bring herself to stop. She clutched her head cushion to her face, howling into it as drops of cleansing solution fell from her bleary optics. 'A dream,' she told herself over and over, 'it's just a dream. None of it is true!' But a deep, secret part of her refused to believe it. The images were borne out of her worst fears, and she knew that her fears had some very real grounds. It didn't take much imagination at all to turn her phantom fears into reality.

She shuddered and curled into a tight ball, trying to ward off the shadows crowding her head. 'I can't stand it! I can't be alone with my own thoughts tonight. I need to get out, to find someone to stay with, just to remind myself that I'm not alone in the world. But where can I go?' Unbidden, an image of Optimus smiling down upon her came to mind. 'No, no, I can't disturb him,' she chided herself. 'He needs his rest, and I'm sure he'll get sick of me if he sees me too often. But he's the only one that truly seems to give a damn about me,' another shudder of horror wracked her, 'and I need him right now! He's always there when any of us needs him. Surely he'll understand.' Before she even realized it, she was up and moving, snapping on her outer armor and trying futilely to wipe away the tracks of tears that streaked her face. Right now, Optimus was her only hope. She prayed that he wouldn't cast her aside.


Chapter 14

Optimus was dragged out of a deep recharge state by a loud pounding on the door. “Eermg,” he muttered, half-conscious, putting his head cushion over his audials and trying to get back to a dormant state. The pounding continued, however, and bit by bit, his higher functions came online. “Who is it?” he croaked when he'd awakened enough to active his vocal unit and press the intercom button to speak to whoever was outside.

“It's Crystal. Please, can I come in?”

“Crystal, not tonight,” Optimus groaned, “I'm too pooped to do anything physical.”

A muffled sob came from outside the door. “Is that all you think I'm good for? I came here for a bit of solace, and you accuse me of only wanting physical contact! How could you?” Her voice broke, choking on another sob.

Optimus groaned. He definitely did not need this right now. He was too tired and too groggy to coherently handle the situation. “All right, come in,” he sighed, pressing a button that remotely unlocked the door. As soon as Crystal entered, he resealed the doors, shielding his dimmed optics from the bright light from the hallway that had blinded him when she entered. “What's wrong? You look terrible,” he said, a note of concern in his voice. She looked like she'd just crawled through hell.

“Everything!” she choked, rushing into his arms, burying her head on his shoulder and sobbing. “I just had the most terrible dream, and I was so afraid that it was true. Thank Primus you're here, or I don't know what I'd do!”

Stunned, all Optimus could do was hold the quivering femme. He found Crystal to be an enigma even when he was fully awake, and now that only half of his higher functions were fully charged and online, he just didn't know what to think. He knew this much: Crystal was in bad shape and in need of some comfort. Anything else was secondary. “Don't worry, you're safe here,” he said soothingly, patting her back.

Soon Crystal's tears slowed, and she snuggled against him contently, her frame jerking with the occasional sob. “Thank you,” she murmured softly. “Thank you so much for being here for me. I just don't know what I'd do without you. I love you so much!” Her voice broke again, and she had to fight back another flood of tears.

Optimus had no idea what to do about this latest revelation. “Just lay back and get some recharge,” he said, trying to be comforting. “You need to gather your strength again. You've been through some terrible things the past week or two, and you need to rest.”

“It's not that,” she said groggily, systems already cycling down. “It's my whole life. I just feel so unwanted, like I serve no purpose anymore. I'm just in the way. If it weren't for your love, I'd have no reason to go on.”

“Don't talk like that!” Optimus exclaimed, alarmed by the latest turn of events. “You have plenty of value. Don't listen to anyone that says otherwise. You have a lot to offer, and anyone that doesn't see it isn't deserving of your talents.”

“What talents?” Crystal laughed bitterly. “All I can do is have relationships with mechs, and that never lasts long. I've never had a real emotional connection before. It hurts to realize that I have no one to turn to.”

Optimus wondered why he couldn't make himself speak the words that he knew she needed and wanted to hear. Why couldn't he tell her that he loved her, that he'd always be there for her? Why wouldn't the words come? What was wrong with him? She seemed so despondent, convinced that her existence was worth nothing, and all he could think of was how wrong it felt to have her in his private living quarters, to share this recharge berth with her, where he had slept next to Alita for so long. Was his love so stingy that it couldn't warm the heart of one abandoned femme? His mouth worked uselessly, finally voicing a few lame sentences. “Things look bad now because you're still haunted by your bad dream. Get some more recharge, and your outlook will be brighter in the morning.”

“Thank you, Optimus,” Crystal murmured, allowing her systems to slip into a recharge-ready state. “You always know just what to say to make things right. You're the first male that I felt I could truly trust with my feelings. That's why I love you.”

Optimus gazed down at her sadly, wishing so badly that he could answer her pledge of devotion. “Sweet dreams, Crystal,” he whispered, a hitch in his voice. He lay down beside her, arms twined loosely around her chassis, yet he felt as if he was lying miles apart from her. Unable to deal with such confusing thoughts, he gratefully powered down his systems and slipped into recharge.


Chapter 15

Crystal lay awake, staring at the ceiling. Once again, dark tendrils had snaked into her peaceful rest mode and disturbed her thoughts, waking her with a jolt, trembling and sweating coolant. She clenched her fists and tried desperately to get her rampaging systems under control. After a few minutes, her functions began to resume their normal pace, and she sank back against the berth, drained. She reached out to caress Optimus' cheek, but he flinched away from her touch. She tried to not let it disturb her, thinking that perhaps he was dreaming about the Decepticons, but a part of her was deeply hurt. He was supposed to like her touch!

'You aren't getting away so easily!' she thought, taking his head firmly in her hands and kissing him lingeringly. It must have worked, for a dreamy smile crossed his slumbering features. “That's better,” she admonished him, holding his face still for her admiration.

Optimus let out a breathy sigh, wrapped deep in recharge. “Mm ah,” he murmured, struggling to form words. “I love you...” he managed, and Crystal's heart soared. He *did* love her after all! Which made his next word all the more crushing, as he went on to say, “...Alita....”

Crystal dropped his head, and it snapped back to land on the pillow with a muted thud. She backed away, both hands clamped in horror, muffling the small choking sounds that slipped from her throat. No! Primus, no! Please, please, *please* let this be just another terrible dream! She slapped herself roughly across the face. The stinging pain was much more mental than physical as she realized that this was all too real. Though the whole situation felt so surreal, and the darkness gave it a nightmarish edge, she could fool herself no longer. Optimus had inadvertently confessed his true soul's feelings. He was indeed in love, but not with her. Oh, never with her! Perhaps he had tried to convince himself that he cared for her, since she needed him so much, but despite her immense experience in dating males, nothing she could do could make him love her the way she so desperately loved him.

Optimus' functions booted up quickly as he felt his head fall back. His optics struggled to focus, making out a small, sobbing figure curled up on the other side of the recharge berth. “Wha? What's going on?”

The sound of his voice merely caused Crystal to cringe away, sobbing harder. “It's all true! You don't love me! Oh, Primus, take my spark now! I have nothing left in this world,” she cried, barely intelligible through her sobs.

“Deities help me,” Optimus whispered, staring at the shattered femme. He knew deep down that there was nothing he could do to repair such a grievous wound. 'Her love for me has only brought her pain. Primus, am I cursed to hurt everyone that has cared for me?' “This has to stop!” he said aloud. No more would he lead Crystal astray. He had to set her straight on how things were between them. He had hoped that his caring would be enough, that perhaps in time he would come to love her, but he had only been deluding himself, just as her fantasies of him blinded her to the true nature of their relationship.

Crystal straightened up to look at him, tears still streaming endlessly down her face. Optimus felt an emotional wound tear itself wide open in his chest at the pitiful gaze, but he steeled himself against it. There would be plenty of time for regrets later, but now there was something that had to be said. “Crystal, I'm sorry, but I do not love you. I do care for you and your well-being, but there can never be anything romantic between us. I apologize for inadvertently taking advantage of you, but by breaking off this relationship with you, I hope to set things right. You deserve someone who will love you whole-heartedly, without reservation. I am not that male and never could be. Much as I have tried to deny it, I still love Alita One, and can only hope that one day she will come back to me. Please do not be sad. You deserve so much better.”

“You still lie!” Crystal cried through the tears. “I know that you want to let me down easily, but such a thing is just not possible. I know that I do not deserve true love, but a part of me hoped that you could still care for me in spite of my flaws. Now I realize that I am not fit to be anyone's mate. I'm sorry that I forced myself upon you. I'll go now.” She got up off of the recharge berth shakily, heading for the door. She turned suddenly and fixed her former love with a penetrating gaze. “Alita and I have never been the best of friends. In fact,” she laughed bitterly, “we have quite the little rivalry. I always hated her so, because she had you, and you were everything I ever wanted in a mech. But now I see that I can never have anyone like you, and I have to accept it. Much as it pains me to say it, I want you to be happy, and if your happiness is with her, then so be it. I won't interfere. Just be happy. Soon you'll forget all about me, and that's for the best.”

“Crystal, wait!” Optimus cried out, struck to the core with horror at how badly all of this had turned out. But it was too late. She was gone, leaving him alone in his darkened quarters. 'Am I doomed to be alone forever?' he asked himself. 'Am I unfit to truly love? Or is it not too late? Perhaps I can get Alita back after all. But first I had better follow Crystal. I don't want her to do anything rash! In this state of mind, who knows what she may do!”

go to Chapters 16-18
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