How the Mighty Have Fallen

by Phantom

Chapter Four

Prime entered his quarters and sealed the security lock on the door with shaking hands. He crossed the room to his desk and stood there for several minutes, engaged in a furious battle with his conscience.

"I must be going crazy!" he thought to himself. "I can't believe I'm even considering what I'm about to do."

"No, I'm not crazy, but I soon will be if I don't find a way to relieve myself of my problems," he answered his own argument.

"But you can't do this!" his conscience raged at him. "It's against everything you've ever believed in."

Prime reached into his desk drawer and slowly withdrew a joint of Enerweed. He had confiscated it several days ago and had fully intended to turn it over to Prowl. But somehow his subconscious had taken control and compelled him to take possession of it himself. Now he knew why.

"I can't take it anymore! I need to escape my problems somehow!" he raged out loud.

But the maddening voice of his conscience would not be silenced. "But you know this is not the answer. Your problems will be waiting for you tomorrow. Doing this will solve nothing. Besides, what will the others think of you if you do this? What would they think if they caught their leader doing drugs?"

Something deep inside of Prime snapped. "I don't care what they think any more!" he cried out. "To hell with them! May Unicron take their souls!" With that, he lit the Enerweed joint.

He reached up with a trembling hand towards the half-mask that covered his face. He grasped it and slowly pulled downwards, removing it. No one but him and Alita knew that the lower half of his face could be removed, revealing a regular mouth like most Transformers had. The mask was quite useful for hiding his expressions, but it would be a hinderance for what he was about to do.

He stared at the joint, mesmerized, as the smoke curled upward. As if in a trance, he brought it closer to his mouth. His fingers began to shake. Feeling a black despair falling over him, he put the Enerweed joint in his mouth and slowly inhaled through his air intakes.

"Mmm, not bad," he thought to himself. He half-expected the floor to swallow him up and deliver him to Unicron, where he would be punished for eternity for his sin. When this did not come to pass, he shakily drew another breath. The Enerweed smoke spread through his systems, relaxing him.

"Ah, much better," he sighed, feeling his tension drain away. He was feeling better by the minute. It was becoming harder and harder to think. "Why think?" he asked himself. There was really nothing to think about. He happily let his thoughts trail off.

He walked over to his recharging bed and sprawled out, taking long drags on his joint. He never imagined that drugs would make him feel this way. He felt as light as a feather, as if he could fly.

"Optimus Prime, come in."

Prime jumped in surprise, nearly dropping the joint. "Uh... Prime here," he gasped out.

Magnus replied, "The security system is functioning flawlessly. I thought you'd like to be informed."

Prime struggled to push aside the murk that surrounded his mind. "Um... thank you, uh, Magnus. Listen, I'm not feeling very well tonight. Could you, erm, route my, uh, comlink to you so that I can rest undisturbed?"

"Certainly, Prime," Magnus replied, a note of worry in his voice. "Are you going to be all right? You sound terrible."

"Uh, sure, I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow. Just need to recharge a little more. Ratchet's orders, you know." Prime prayed that he'd accept the explanation.

Apparently Magnus was convinced. "You just concentrate on getting better, Prime. You know how much we need you. Magnus out."

Prime let out a hugh sigh of relief. Thank Primus he bought it. He looked at the joint in his hand. It was almost gone. He lay back and took drag after drag until there was nothing left.

He lay back and relaxed for a while, feeling a silly smile spread itself across his face. He felt great! He couldn't imagine why he hadn't tried this before.

He sat up, looking around the room. The colors seemed so bright, so vivid. He turned his head, and the colors seemed to blend together with the motion. "Wow," he murmured. Even his voice was different.

He began to giggle. It was such a stupid sound that it made him giggle some more. It felt good to giggle, very good indeed. It had been so long since he had felt happy.

His gaze fell upon his music diskettes. He stood up, a bit unsteadily, and made his way over to them. He thumbed through them briskly. "Boring, boring, boring. How could I be so boring?" All of the music was conservative. There was nothing remotely exciting. He was in the mood for something different.

He reached over and turned on his transponder. This radio was capable of intercepting and transmitting communications. It also had the ability to receive Earthen radio stations across the globe. Usually Prime did not listen to the stations, because he could not make sense of the lyrics. All that would change tonight.

"Oh, wow!" he exclaimed, having difficulty speaking. He could understand the lyrics, to some extent. "'Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.'" He laughed. He moved the dial around, listening to the jumble of sounds that poured forth. He found a Spanish station and laughed hysterically. The nonsensical babble was very amusing to him. Normally he could understand Spanish, or any other language, since the Transformers had the ability to assimilate most unknown languages into their neural nets and decipher it. This was the reason that they were able to speak English upon awakening. However, the Enerweed had infiltrated that section of his neural net, making the lesser-used languages incomprehensible to him. He retained his knowledge of English only because of his frequent use of it.

He stopped turning the dial, listening closely. He nodded his head to each beat of this new song. "I am Iron Man!" the radio declared. "I am Iron Man!" Prime repeated. This statement elicited another fit of giggles. Well, it was true, he was a sort of Iron Man.

Prime began to spin around and around, enjoying the swirl of colors that crossed his vision. His equilibrium circuits could not compensate for such movement, and he crashed down to the floor with a bang. He lay there for quite some time, enjoying the sensation of his body lying on the floor.

Finally he climbed to his feet, holding on to the corner of his bed to keep his balance as his equilibrium circuits struggled to relocate their proper setting. "What should I do now?" he wondered. He really wanted to go out and find something fun to do, but something held him back. He knew that it would all be over if he let anyone see him this way.

He stretched, extending his arms high above his head. It felt wonderful to let the barriers down in his mind, to drain away the tension and allow his thoughts to flow uncensored. "Hm, wish I had some issues of Playbot," he mused. Alita had once promised to get him some, but he had been too embarrassed to say yes. "On second thought, forget the magazines. I wish Alita herself was here. I could certainly have a fun time with her!" He grinned at the bed, where they had had some "fun times" before.

He walked over to his desk and sat down. "Might as well get some work done." He giggled at this. Even though he was getting high for the first time, he still had to do work. "Let's see. I think I'll write an appraisal of our security network. Hm. 'Security sucks!' Yeah, that's it! What else? 'Defense sucks too.' Hey, this isn't so bad!" He continued this way for a while writing his little "appraisals" up until it began to bore him.

Suddenly his air intakes let out a sigh of air not unlike a yawn. He was beginning to come down from his high. "No," he muttered. "Please no. I don't want to remember." He crawled onto the bed and lay there huddled against the bad memories, against the demands on him that would return the next day. He drifted off into unconsciousness with a feeling of dread at what the next day would bring.

end of Chapter Four

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