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| Do fish get thirsty? Do hummingbirds hum because they don’t know the words? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Do steam rollers really roll steam? Do witches run spell checkers? Does a man-eating shark eat women, too? Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool? How can someone "draw a blank"? How come chocolate milk doesn't come from brown cows? How come wrong numbers are never busy? How dead is the Dead Sea? How do they get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass? How do you throw away a garbage can? How do you write zero in Roman numerals? How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold? If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk? If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure? --Harry Shearer If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go? If all the world is a stage, where are the audience sitting? If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow? If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe? If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends? If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? If corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from? If humans have nightmares, what do horses have? If I save time, when do I get it back? If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like? If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit? If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do? If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? Is a sleeping bull a bull-dozer? Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon? What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep? What do they call coffee breaks at the Lipton Tea Company? What do you call a male ladybug? What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes? What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man? What happens if you get scared half to death,...twice? What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go? What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? What is the speed of dark? What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders? (Thanks, Steve Robinson) When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to? When we say our mind wanders - where does it go? Who killed the Dead Sea? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free? Why do mattresses have springs, if they aren't made for jumping on? Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child? Why do they call it a TV set when you only get
one? Why do you need a driver's license to buy
liquor when you can't drink and drive? |
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