, a small division of TMDOTPBM Enterprises International, Inc. ©2003 Founded by The Mighty Druids®, ©1994. All rights reserved.Just because your coat is shiny doesn't mean you have to lick it too.
I’ve often wondered why I’ve had such a hard time letting go of ex-girlfriends once they’ve achieved that title. It’s been a struggle to put them into my past rather than keep figments of them within my present grasp. Even when I’ve thought I had made progress, I regress into that state of yearning that is usually accompanied with a depression of some sort. I’ve even considered that the same reasons for this are also to blame for my lack of acceptance for separating from them when it’s plainly obvious that it is time (much like my relationship with Amber which eventually dragged out despite an almost mutual recognition that it was basically over).
However, I think I may have found, at least partially, an reason for such a dilemma. While at work I was inputting addresses for guests who had arrived earlier. One hailed from Joplin, Missouri, a place I had gone through about a dozen times, even stopped for gas and refreshments a few of those. Joplin is a town on the border of Missouri and Oklahoma, situated on US 44, which just happens to be on the way from Ft. Hood, Texas to Decatur, Illinois, where Amber was going to school. I’ve got many memories from those trips, so when I had to go to mapquest.com to get the Zip Code, it turned into a nostalgic trip down memory lane. Eventually, after various clicking to move the map and zoom in and out, I made it to Broadway and Wood Streets in Decatur, where Amber stayed.
And then it hit me. No, not that overwhelming bout of sadness, but rather that answer that had eluded me for so long. The answer, but not the solution. It’s so hard to let go of somebody that you care for so much because of the investment you’ve given while you were with them. It was exactly 999 miles from the gate of Ft. Hood to the parking lot outside of Amber’s apartment complex. A 2000 mile round trip taken a half-dozen times (sometimes longer if we ended up driving home to Indiana, which we did once or twice) is a pretty large investment, considering if we had been caught or, worse yet, gotten stuck (which almost happened once) on one of these unauthorized weekend getaways, we would have lost rank and/or money. I can’t speak for my friends, but for me the trip was always worth it (yes, even when sex wasn’t involved).
And that was just part of the physical investment given to our relationship. I can’t even begin to describe the emotional investment I had made (nor would I want to). All this adds up to a lot of not wanting to throw it all away. It’s hard enough to deal with when you’re forced to do so, but it’s even harder to do give that up on your own. So Amber and I simmered in our self-made pot of frustration, with finally a little incident involving a guy in his underwear to give us the excuse to go our separate ways. Not that I was willing or wanting to do so. Something inside me felt that my investment was worth more than that.
No longer would I be able to share the things we shared. I’d never be able to wake up next to her as I had done for so long (well, not in the way people in love do… we’ve actually slept in the same bed since then, but only as strict friends). We’d never be able to rent movies and cuddle with each other. Hell, we’d never be able to go to Wal*Mart just to shop for groceries for the week. And I’d probably never get the opportunity to drive a thousand miles to see her for a few days.
I haven’t solved the problem. I’ve only give one reason as to why it happens the way it does. At least for me.
, a small division of TMDOTPBM Enterprises International, Inc. ©2003 Founded by The Mighty Druids®, ©1994. All rights reserved.