Philosophy

Another, somewhat different subject than that discussed above, where I believe the courts have been negligent is in the area of parental rights. Somehow the judges have gotten the idea that just because someone is the biological parent then he or she automatically has the right to custody of the child.

Quite often one hears of a case which involves a dispute between the adoptive parent and the biological parent. Then the judge claims to have the wisdom of Solomon and says that since we cannot divide the child in half we must give the child to the biological parent. What about dividing the law in half!

An adoptive parent who has raised, nurtured and loved a child should not be denied custody of their just because the child’s DNA matches the biological parent. This is especially true if the biological parent has never seen or seldom seen the child or has had little to no input in raising the child. Any judge who believes otherwise does not understand the law as it ought to be and definitely does not judge with the wisdom of Solomon.

Nor is that judge looking out for the welfare of the child. To rip a child away from the only parents he or she has known is to do an untold amount of mental and emotional trauma to that child. This is exactly what the judges are doing when they give the biological parent custody over an adoptive parent who has been raising a child for an extended lenght of time. This is true particularly if the child has bonded with the adoptive parent.

In order to love someone else one must know that person. In order to know that person one must be with that person. One must do things with that person. One must develop a relationship with that person. A biological parent who has never seen their child or has seldom been in contact with their child cannot love that child.

It is true that the biological parent can build a relationship with the child and in time love that child. But this takes time and the child must cooperate with the biological parent. Is that child going to cooperate with the biological parent who has taken him or her away from the only parent he or she has known? I doubt it! The child may try. But always in the back of his or her mind is these people have taken me away from the only parents I have ever known and loved and now they want me to love them.

The biological parent who claims custody rights just because the child’s DNA matches theirs is being very selfish if the child has already bonded to the adoptive parent. Such a biological parent is not thinking of the welfare of the child. If they are not thinking of the child’s welfare then they cannot say that they love the child.

If the biological parent truly loves the child then he or she would set up some kind of arrangement through the courts and with the cooperation of the adoptive parent whereby he or she could come and visit the child on a regular basis and in this way build up a relationship with their child.

Then after an extended amount of time the child could grow to love his or her biological parent and then maybe other living arrangements could be worked out between the adoptive parent and the biological parent. It seems to me that this latter is the more logical course of action.

Sperm and egg donations, in vitro fertilization, surrogate motherhood and some of the other methods of planned parenthood in effect say that the adoptive parent should have custody rights in most – not all – cases. This is not to say that the biological parent should never be given custody. Each case should be decided on its own merits.

If the child is still in its infancy and has not bonded with the adoptive parent or has not lived any great length of time with the adoptive parent then in most cases – not all cases – there should be no reason not to have the biological parent retain custody. But in those situations where the child has lived with the adoptive parent for an extended length of time, has bonded with the adoptive parent or can possibly be traumatized in any way by a separation from the adoptive parent then the biological parent should not be given custody.

The courts should take into consideration visitation rights for both the adoptive and biological parents. Finally, the courts should also take into consideration what the child wants – even if the child is very young.

Parental Rights