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Welcome to Tom's Misc. Joke page. Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday.  According to the Associated Press, witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied ... An Irishman driving down the road got pulled over by a policeman. "You're drunk," the cop said. "Thank the good Lord for that," the Irishman replied. "I thought the steering had gone." An Interesting Obituary Veteran Pillsbury spokes model Pop 'N Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection.  He was 71.  Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.  Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butter worth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack , Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.  The grave side was piled high with flours as a long time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who never knew how much he was Kneaded.  Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers.  He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half backed schemes.  Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.  Fresh is survived by his second wife.  They have two children and another in the oven.  The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes. Seinfeldisms 1. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 2. Can fat people go skinny-dipping? 3. Can you be a closet claustrophobic? 4. Why is the word abbreviation so long? 5. Is it possible to be totally partial? 6. What's another word for thesaurus? 7. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? 8. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off? 9. When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in? 10. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? 11. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? 12. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 14. When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? 15. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? 16. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? 17. What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? 18. Do hurry crows have ravenous appetites? 19. Why is bra singular and panties plural? 20. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 21. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 22. Instead of talking to you plants, if you yelled at them, would they still grow?  Only to be troubled and insecure? 23. Is there another word for synonym? 24. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?" 25. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? 26. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away? 27. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" 28. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? (ewwww!!) 29. Why do they report power outages on TV? You're the person to visit this page since 11/9/00. Click here to go back to my home page.