[Editor's
Note] Many of the following political
weasel jokes contain recycled lawyer joke content. Since many politicians
are also lawyers, it seemed to be a natural fit. Please
support recycling efforts whenever you can. Grateful
acknowledgment, credit, and apologies are given to Nolo
Press© for lifting and adapting much of the source material
herein. Please visit their site for excellent general legal information
and catalog of legal publications. By the way, many "practicing"
lawyers use Nolo Press© legal publications.
Q.
What do flies do before landing on a politician?
A.
They put paper down first.
Q.
How are dogs and politicians alike?
A.
Both species will sit, beg, fetch, rollover, and play dead for the
right master.
Q.
What's the difference between a politician and a vulture?
A.
The vulture eventually lets go.
Q.
What do politicians do after they die?
A.
They lie still.
Q.
If the entire Scam Diego County Board of Supervisors and the Scam
Diego City Council fell into shark infested waters why wouldn't they
be eaten?
A.1
Professional courtesy among predators.
A.2
Sharks are fastidious and won't eat bad meat.
Q. What does it mean when a politician is up to his neck in cement?
A.
It means you don’t have enough cement.
Q.
What's the difference between a catfish and a City Council member?
A.
One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger, the other is a
fish.
Newcomer
to Scam Diego: "Are there any crooked politicians here in Scam
Diego?
Scam
Diego old-timer: "Yup, but none in jail. Yet"
The
U.S. Post Office has canceled plans to issue a stamp with the likenesses
of the Scam Diego County Board of Supervisors on it. Local taxpayer
"focus groups" didn't know which side to spit on.
The
Scam Diego County Board of Supervisors went on a retreat to a Cowboy
dude ranch. Later that day they decided to tour the horse corrals
at dusk to get some "inspiration." When one of the Supervisors
accidentally stepped into some horse manure and began to sink slowly,
the others exclaimed, "Oh my god! She's melting!
#
# # #
THE
IDIOTS THAT WE ELECT
The
following items are actual stories provided by a retiring Washington,
DC travel agent of 30 plus years.
I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for
an aisle seat on the airplane so that her hair wouldn't get messed
up by being near the window.
A Senior Vermont Congressman
called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong
with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view
room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in
the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked
on the map, and Florida is a very thin state!!!"
I got a call from a Lawmakers Wife who asked,
"Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No."
She said, "But they look so close on the map.
A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical
description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?"
I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when
I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said
(FAT), and I'm overweight, I think that is very rude!" After
putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it"
(I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code
for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination
tag on her luggage.
A Senator's Aide called in inquiring about a
trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked,
"Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train
to Hawaii?"
I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How
do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he
meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823,
but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."
Now you know why the government is in the shape
that it's in!
CLARENCE THOMAS AS CHIEF JUSTICE?
The nomination of Clarence Thomas as Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court would probably be in line with the apparent GOP goal to dismantle the democrat stranglehold on a major part of their traditional base--minorities.
Just imagine this; after the ugly public mugging given to capable cabinet nominees Alberto Gonzalez and Condoleeza Rice; a third and very public mugging of a capable minority Chief Justice nominee would return the democrats to the position they held before 1964--as the party of backward racial bigots.
Repetition of such a foolish democrat strategy would also firmly establish in the minds of the American public that democrats only support political "step 'n' fetch-its" like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. In other words, democrats support minorities, but only as long as that support doesn't threaten the white male oligarchy that runs the democrat party. How else can you explain that no minority in the democrat party objected to using Senator Robert Byrd of KKK fame as the point man against Condoleeza Rice's nomination as Secretary of State?
Since Justice Thurgood Marshall, the only African-American supported for any position of significant power by the democrats was Ron Brown, who died under some very suspicious circumstances. That's not much of a record to brag about as far as upward mobility for minorities goes for the party of the "oppressed and disenfranchised."
The 1991 accusations against Justice Thomas have largely been discredited and are in the distant past. The truth of the matter is that the democrats are in a pickle. How do they push their aberrant judicial ideology without looking like Orville Faubus standing in the way of social progress?
SAN FRANCISCO (News Frontiers) – The U.S. Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has ruled that a man required to wear a signboard stating "I stole mail. This is my punishment," outside a San Francisco post office was unreasonably sanctioned.
The 9th Circuit overturned a lower federal court's order that required mail thief and activist George Soarass to wear the sign, noting the public humiliation was intended to "break" him of an illusion he had committed a “victimless” crime. Paired with requiring Soarass to write apologies and lecture at a high school, the "somewhat crude" condition he wear the signboard provided an opportunity to "cause his separation from society," the court ruled.
In its opinion, the 9th circuit court overturned the punishment given to Soarass as being inconsistent with the "...necessities of an orderly collectivist society and is per se a violation of the Eight Amendment prohibition against cruel and unusual punishment."
The court compared the alleged humiliation in this case with its rejection in John Al Kayda v U.S., 868 F3rd 1256 of the use by federal agents of "time-outs for terrorists." In that case the court ruled that the use of the "timeout" is "… [An] overtly humiliating interrogation technique" in which a "suspect is forced to go to a corner and be quiet." The Court extended its reasoning in Al Kayda, and concluded that the defendant Soarass was publicly humiliated and should be accorded the rights of “brave freedom fighters such as Hamas or Islamic Jihad."
The 9th Circuit Court also cited the recent "atrocities" at Abu Gharib as examples of "race-based forms of interrogation and punishment without due process of law. In the instant case, atrocity-like conduct is present." The court pointedly noted that, "However, flawed the legal process may seem, the fascist oppressors of the proletariat cannot be heard to complain because even a kangaroo appeals court is still a court."
