"Your weakness is united to His strength, your ignorance to His wisdom, your frailty to His enduring might. So you are not to look to yourself, not to let the mind dwell upon self, but look to Christ. Let the mind dwell upon His love, upon the beauty, the perfection, of His character. Christ in His self-denial, Christ in His humiliation, Christ in His purity and holiness, Christ in His matchless love—this is the subject for the soul’s contemplation. It is by loving Him, copying Him, depending wholly upon Him, that you are to be transformed into His likeness." 29
“Did you see those homosexuals on television
last night,” Beth inquired of Grace as they sat drinking
their morning cup of coffee? “They were parading through
New York City, something about a gay pride march. What do homosexuals
have to be proud of, I wonder?”
Grace offered her friend several slices
of toast and a glass of orange juice. “Many of them are getting
sick and dying from that AIDS thing, I hear its a horrid disease,
leaves them open to whatever bug comes along.”
“Its also highly contagious,”
Beth replied, as she spread some home made preserves on her toast,
“whoever takes care of them has to wear a mask, gloves, gown,
and use disinfectant or they get it and may die.”
“That reminds me of the time Christ
healed those ten lepers,” Grace replied, shifting her position
at the kitchen table to avoid the intense sun light streaming
through the window. “I understand that leprosy is highly
contagious, something like AIDS, whoever touched a person could
catch that illness also, but Christ touched them and didn’t
get leprosy.”
“Well,” Beth replied, “he
was different, after all, he was God. No disease could possibly
infect Him.”
Grace shook her head, “I don’t
know, Beth. It seems to me that these people are in a good position
to hear the gospel from someone who approaches them without fear,
full of compassion and mercy. They must be terrified, knowing
they are dying, and everybody being afraid of them, wearing masks
and gloves. They need to be touched, to be reassured that Christ
loves them.”
Beth shivered. “I hope you don’t
mean what your saying, Grace. You can’t possibly imagine
that touching them is safe,” she commented, as she reached
for another slice of toast, hot from the toaster?
“Christ came to this earth, touched
all kinds of people, was touched by them, and never contracted
sin, which is a sickness, it is contagious, after all.”
Beth looked at her friend curiously. “But
they choose their life-style and are suffering the consequences.”
“Don’t we choose to sin,”
Grace replied, “and don’t we suffer the consequences
of our sin and didn’t Christ leave heaven and came to this
earth in order to save us. He didn’t go around wearing a
mask and plastic gloves, He ate with sinners, slept in their houses,
walked and talked with them, He encouraged them to believe in
Him, forgave their sins, healed them, Christ came close to sinners
as the only means of drawing them to Himself.”
Beth went to the stove for a fresh cup of
coffee, offering Grace a refill, which she gratefully accepted.
The mornings were cool and a hot cup of coffee was welcome.
“Well,” Beth replied, “what
your saying makes sense, for Christ, that is,” she added
hurriedly,” but I’m not sure those things apply to Christians,
today.”
“Consider how gay people with AIDS
must feel,” Grace commented thoughtfully, with a far away
look in her eyes. “Lonely, probably forsaken by friends and
family, isolated, maybe there’s no one to care for them”
“They’re suffering the just consequences
of their own wrong course of action, like that gay man, I heard
about on the news the other day, I think his name’s Emile,”
Beth considered thoughtfully. “I forgot his last name, he’s
living alone and has AIDS.”
“We have a wonderful opportunity to
witness to him by approaching him without fear and offering, not
only help, but friendship and love,” Grace commented enthusiastically
“Love,” Beth snorted in derision,
“hasn’t he had enough of that, already.”
Grace smiled. “I don’t mean sexual
love, I mean the kind of love that the Bible calls agape, a self-sacrificing
type of love that gives worth to another person, that finds value
in him or her, that places their interests above our own. That
is how Christ loved the people in His day and look how many converts
were won to the truth. If we loved that way, today, think of how
many people would be saved?”
Beth remained unconvinced. “What are
you proposing, that we visit him, maybe clean his house, do his
laundry, prepare meals, that type of thing.”
Grace brightened, “I hadn’t thought
of that, Beth, that’s a wonderful idea. Maybe we can call
it homemaking evangelism.” She grew enthusiastic over the
idea, “just imagine the impact we could make in his life
by offering mercy and helpfulness, instead of condemnation and
loneliness.”
“I don’t mind giving money to
missionaries, let them do the hard work of converting the heathen,
I have other things to do,” Beth replied heatedly
“Isn’t he a heathen,” Grace
countered, growing more excited by the moment over the prospect
of doing real, practical missionary work, and in her own community.
“But Grace, Beth protested, “we
might catch it, get sick, and die.”
“It could be said that Christ got sick
from sin and died of its consequences. I’m not saying sin
is a sickness, but the parallels between this poor man and Christ
are quite striking.”
Beth looked shocked. “Grace, there
isn’t the slightest similarity between Christ and that homosexual,
not the slightest at all.”
“You won’t go with me, then,”
Grace inquired?
“No, I won’t. In addition to the
possibility of catching AIDS, there’s another reason I won’t
do it. This disease is a punishment from God. They are suffering
the just reward of their abominable sexual practices. They should
be left to God’s mercy. He will deal with them.”
“That’s what the Jews thought
about `lepers but Christ loved, forgave, and healed them.”
“I guess we’ll just have to agree
to disagree, on this one,” Beth commented, effectively closing
the conversation.
Beth helped Grace wash the breakfast dishes,
then took her leave. Relaxing at the kitchen table, several moments
later, with another cup of coffee, Grace couldn’t dispel
the conviction that she needed to visit the man who was suffering
with AIDS. The scripture kept revolving through her mind, “If
ye have done it unto one of the least of these, my brethren, ye
have done it unto me.”
Was God really urging her to visit him,
she wondered? Did he really consider this man as one of his brothers?
Perhaps both Beth and herself had an erroneous idea of who constituted
Christ’s brothers and sisters.
Conviction settled upon her that this poor,
suffering man, alone and friendless, was indeed Christ’s
brother and He desired Grace to visit him, offering friendship,
compassion, and mercy, and, through this means, the gospel of
salvation.
As the conviction grew, throughout the morning,
she gained a better understanding of the similarities between
leprosy in Christ’s day and AIDS today. Finishing the vacuuming,
she sat in her favorite arm chair to pray and meditate.
Buffing her nails, she realized that the
imperative was too strong, God was speaking to her heart, urging
this mission upon her with an intensity she had never experienced
before. As she thought and prayed, asking the Lord’s guidance,
an inspiration flashed into her mind. If Beth wouldn’t go
with her, maybe that kind women from the other church, Amanda
Dipple, might accompany her. It was safer, after all, she reminded
the Lord, if two women went on this mission together, rather then
just her alone. Her Lord seemed to agree, and urged her to visit
Amanda and secure her cooperation.
Later that afternoon, Grace changed into
a skirt and blouse, brushed her hair, applied some lavender lip
stick, grabbed her purse and car keys and headed for Amanda Dipple’s.
Amanda was surprised and pleased to find
Grace Ballard standing on her doorstep. “Please come in,”
she urged.
While Grace and Amanda didn’t attend
the same church, Amanda was well known in the area for her involvement
in community work, especially at the shelter for battered women,
operated by CEASE which was known as Community Effort Against
Spousal Abuse, where she volunteered several hours each week.
Highly regarded, by the secular community, as a moral women, no
hint of impropriety or immorality had ever shadowed her life.
The two women chatted amicably for several
moments. “You have such a lovely house,” Grace commented,
looking about her at the immaculately clean and orderly home.
“I believe,” Amanda responded,
“that how one keeps her house speaks for or against Christ.
The God of the universe desires us to maintain our homes decently
and in order as a representation of his character. Whenever I
see how other women maintain their homes, dirty dishes piled in
the sink, clothes laying all over the living room, dirty floors,
dusty furniture, I wonder at the effectiveness of their Christian
witness.”
Amanda’s charm, Grace observed, lay
in the love that shone from her face, rather then beauty of form.
Her cultivated gestures were graceful, as befitting a woman in
her ‘40s.
“Women have a wonderful sanctifying
influence upon their own families through how we keep our homes,”
Grace agreed.
Amanda smiled approvingly. “Clean homes,
reflect clean hearts, is my motto. Not that we can attain unto
clean hearts through cleanliness, but I believe the old motto,
‘cleanliness is next to godliness,’ is good advice to
follow.”
“Amanda,” Grace ventured, “I
came here this afternoon to enlist your help in a special effort.
While we are not of the same faith or attend the same church,
I know you to be a kind-heated, generous Christian woman. The
Lord has laid upon me a special burden to witness to a gay man
who is suffering from AIDS. Will you go with me to visit him and
perhaps help him where we can?”
Amanda leaned back in her chair, a cloud
passing over her face. “Grace, I would love to help you with
any other missionary project, but I can’t with this one.”
Grace was shocked with her attitude. “You
can’t be prejudiced,” she blurted out.
“No,” Amanda said, “I’m
not prejudiced. I know God loves homosexuals. He died for them
that they might believe His gift of salvation.”
“Then why won’t you go with me,”
Grace inquired, still disappointed at her reaction.
Amanda studied Grace for a long moment.
Before her sat a lovely, older women, obviously intent upon following
her Lord’s will, as she understood it. Sincere, honest, full
of divine compassion and mercy, willing to undertake a thankless
task for her master, would she understand, Amanda asked herself.
“There’s another reason why I
can’t go,” Amanda replied, “a reason I have never
shared with any one in this community.”
“I feel such a burden to share the
gospel with this man,” Grace commented, but I don’t
think it is wise of me to go alone. I was hoping you might accompany
me.”
“I agree,” Amanda responded, “it
is neither wise nor safe for a woman to visit a man in his house
alone.”
“Then won’t you go with me,”
she pleaded.
Amanda considered for a moment then decided
to trust this kindly woman. “As I said, there is a reason
why I can’t go with you.” She paused again, then continued.
“Several years ago, I was a member of the homosexual community.”
Try as she might, Grace could not hide her
surprise at Amanda’s revelation, but then another thought
occurred to her that changed her surprise into hopefulness. “Then
you understand what he is going through, how important it is for
him to understand God’s love. You were saved out of that
life-style, through Christ’s grace, therefore, you are the
perfect person to accompany me because you understand him in a
way that I can’t.”
Amanda was taken aback by Grace’s response.
Where she expected shock and rejection, she found only acceptance
and thoughtfulness. Maybe she would understand, after all, Amanda
reasoned.
“Approximately ten years ago,”
Amanda continued, “I came out of the closet, to use a crude
homosexual term.”
Grace nodded, “I understand what you
mean.”
“At that time, I made a decision that
has effected my life ever since,. I had an operation, a special
operation,” she paused to asses Grace’s reaction, saw
only acceptance and understanding in her face, and judged it was
safe to continue. “I had a sex change.”
Grace was getting better at controlling
her reactions, but this one threw her off balance, and her face
betrayed her.
Amanda saw her reaction and wondered if
her revelations were wise after all.
Grace struggled to regain control of her
thoughts. Could this really be true, could this wonderful Christian
woman really be a man.
Tentatively, Grace inquired, “you were
a man before this operation.”
“Yes,” Amanda replied, evenly,
watching the struggle that was going on in Grace’s mind.
Grace prayed that the Lord would give her
understanding and compassion and he heard her prayers.
Collecting herself, Grace smiled, “then
you are indeed the perfect person to go with me. You have the
understanding and compassion that I lack. Will you go?”
Now it was Amanda’s turn to experience
a troubled heart. “Grace, do you really understand what I
am saying.”
Grace paused, then her Lord gave her words
to speak. “Amanda, it matters not to me or to God what happened
to you in the past, His love for you is as strong now as it was
then. You give every evidence that your Christian faith is genuine,
strong, and growing. Do not let this matter of a sex change cause
you to doubt God’s love or mercy.”
“This is the reason why I won’t
consider baptism,” Amanda commented. “Yes, I know that
God loves me, but to be baptized is to give a public testimony
to a new birth and a death to the old sinful life. How can I do
that when I live a lie every day of my life?”
Grace brightened. “Amanda, God takes
us wherever he finds us then transforms us into saints qualified
to live with Him through eternity. You love God?”
Amanda nodded.
“Then take the next step.”
“What’s that,” she inquired.
“Believe that you are acceptable to
Him.”
“But I can’t,” Amanda maintained.
“Underneath the external famine appearance, clothes and cosmetics,
I’m still a man. I know that. Nothing can ever convince me
otherwise. Therefore, I can never be baptized, for I am still
the same old, sinful man who despised God’s precious gift
of masculinity, rejected it in favor of something I thought was
better. Grace, can you possibly understand, I rejected Him, rejected
my masculinity, despised it, spurned His love, closed the door
against the Holy Spirit.” Amanda broke down in tears.
Reaching across the intervening space between
their chairs, Grace spoke. “Amanda, I love you.”
Amanda looked at Grace through her tears.
“How can you love me,” she cried, knowing who and what
I am?”
“I love you because God first loved
me. Do you think I am any better then you? Do you think God loves
me because I am straight and haven’t spurned my femininity?
I think not. I am a sinner, as much in need of God’s grace
as you.”
Amanda cleared her eyes and looked at Grace’s
kind, loving face.
“Do you really mean that,” she
asked.
“I certainly do,” Grace replied.
“Amanda, I see in you a person who loves God and is loved
by Him. Why not trust Him.”
“But I can’t receive baptism,
I would be living a lie, claiming I was a new creature in Christ
Jesus, while all the time, I was still the same old sinful man
I’ve always been.”
Now Grace understood. “Your afraid
the sex change disqualified you from baptism and heaven?”
“Yes,” Amanda replied. “As
long as I dress and act like a woman, I am living a lie.”
“Can the operation be reversed?”
Amanda looked perplexed. “No,”
she finally replied. “I can’t go back to what I was
before I had the operation. I can never become a man again, therefore,
I can never receive baptism and enjoy the communion of saints
with Christ.”
“If I understand correctly,” Grace
replied, considering what she knew about this subject, which was
precious little, “don’t you have to take an estrogen
type drug for the rest of your life in order to maintain the famine
physical appearance.”
Amanda nodded agreement.
“What would happen if you stopped taking
the drug.”
Amanda paused to consider this question,
“The estrogen is taken to suppress the male hormone. If I
stopped taking it, I suppose my bodily appearance would revert
to its original masculine characteristics.”
“There’s your answer,” Grace
said, triumphantly.
Amanda looked perplexed.
Grace continued. “If the estrogen is
maintaining the feminine appearance and discontinuing it would
result in loosing that appearance, then, over time, I suppose,
you would revert to a man?”
Amanda agreed.
“If you cut your hair, wore men’s
clothes again, who would ever know that you had a sex change operation?”
Amanda brightened. “Grace, dear, you
have given me an idea. I don’t think its as simple as that,
but I never thought of the possibility of reversing the hormonal
effects. I can’t reverse the damage caused by the operation
itself, but, maybe I can reverse the more obvious consequences.”
Amanda glowed with renewed hope. “I’ll go back to my
original doctor, the one who performed the operation, and ask
his advice. Grace,” Amanda enthused, “you have given
me renewed hope where before there was only despair. God bless
you.”
It would take a long time, but Amanda would
receive baptism as Craig Dipple, a man beloved of God.
