I was angry, extremely angry unto pounding my head on the bathroom wall, which I understood, despite my hot temper, was a foolish gesture, as neither my head nor the wall were offending me.
The cause of my anger was an unfortunate set of circumstances. Having moved to Susanville at the providential direction of the Lord, Sevilla and I found ourselves living in a cramped 12X12 motel room, without closets or dresser space in which to put away our clothes. We moved from a spacious motel room to our current residence for financial reasons, our former motel room was twice as expensive.
To say we were frustrated with our current circumstances was an understatement. Stumbling over and around plastic bags, suitcases, etc. we couldn’t find any place to put things while our future prospects were uncertain. I place a high premium on privacy, respect for personal space and quietness. While I love Sevilla dearly, living with her in a confined space for an indefinite period while we awaited further guidance from the Lord, without any privacy or personal space was quickly driving me insane.
I long since realized my vulnerability with respect to my intense desire for privacy, knowing that sometime in the future, at the close of probation, I might have to surrender these desires, finding myself in close proximity with other people. Should this happen, I feared the anger that was now threatening to destroy my mind and the harmony that would allow us to live together under these distracting circumstances.
Because of my acute hearing, I am easily distracted by background noises, unable to shut them out from my mind. In previous circumstances, I sought peace in a different part of the house or in my study or used a sound device, such as a fan, that produced a steady noise, to mask background disturbances, however, none of these solutions were not available now, and I was growing angrier by the moment.
Exploding in anger, in a petulant selfish fit of temper, I realized, was not the solution as it would only offend Sevilla and would not resolve the dilemma. I HAD TO CHANGE!
Emerging from the bathroom, where I had sought the only means of privacy available to me at the moment, I described my problem to Sevilla, who sympathized, then we prayed together. I confessed my anger and resentment and need of a calm spirit and death ears. The Lord heard and quieted my spirit.
We remained in that confined room for a week before moving to a larger room at the same price. For the past three weeks, while living in close proximity to Sevilla, I have never experienced a reoccurrence of the intense anger that threatened to destroy our happiness. The Lord heard my plea to change MY attitudes.
Repeatedly, I am reminded that the victory over sin or personal problems is instantaneous when we TRULY desire the victory, but the desire must be sincere for the Lord, who understands the intent of the heart, is not fooled by a halfhearted desire, pretense, or insincerity. When we approach God, we must come to Him in faith, fully desiring the petition we seek, then we shall have our desire, if it is in accordance with God’s will.
The struggle, Christians often face, is a struggle with self not with God or temptation. The Holy Spirit impresses us with our sin or personal fault. If we have the courage to acknowledge our sin, the problem becomes one of our will vs. God’s will. When we are willing to fully submit our will to God, and believe that He has already transformed us, then the victory is ours in actuality at the moment we offer our petitions. Through faith, we realize the actual fulfillment of the victory in our lives, however, the temptation was overcome by Christ on the cross. Before I prayed for deliverance from anger, at the time Christ died on the cross, he obtained the victory over my anger and selfish desire for privacy and personal space, yet, I did not realize this fact until I was confronted by the sin, was convicted of my need for salvation, confessed my sin, asked for the victory, and believed, by faith, that it was already mine.
Temptation is overcome through faith in Christ when we understand and believe that He has already gained the victory and has given it to us even before we knew we had a problem. Thus, the answer is already confirmed upon us, awaiting only a realization of our need. Therefore, we can praise the Lord through faith in Him even before we are fully conscious of the victory.