October 30,1996
Dear Br. Williams:
Over my long and not so illustrious life, I have subjected myself to numerous obsessions or obsessive behaviors. I define obsession as something that I desire so much that I must have it at all costs. Food is such an obsession. I have gone through the garbage looking for a half eaten candy bar that I threw away several days ago in order to satisfy a sugar craving. I have walked to the grocery store in all types of weather for another bottle of Coca Cola.
Several years ago, I told you of another obsession. I won’t
name it here, least this letter fall into the wrong hands and
embarrassment result, but I think you remember what I mean. I
want to share with you some thoughts about that obsession.
I have spent thousands of dollars in pursuit of this obsession.
An illusion, a mirage, a smoke haze on the horizon, the rainbow
in the clouds, it always seemed to escape me, just beyond my grasp,
ever in sight, yet never attainable.
I also felt this way about driving a car. I thought I had enough
sight to drive safely and was never satisfied to remain immobile
for the rest of my life. While living in California, I took the
plunge, and signed up for driver’s training. After twenty
hours of behind the wheel instruction, I managed to pass the visual
portion of a driving exam, took a road test and failed it. End
of obsession. Reality was the best cold shower. I finally realized
that I could not drive safely; I was satisfied.
But the other obsession, it was harder to dispel. It was less
physically dangerous but infinitely more hazardous in that failure
would lead to embarrassment and humiliation. In parts of the country,
this behavior is acceptable, however, in the circles, in which
I move, discovery was deadly.
The problem was not the money I spent in its indulgence, or that
it nearly ruined my marriage, or the fear of discovery and ridicule
but the psychic toll it took on my life. I thought about it incessantly,
I fantasized about it, and planned for it. The damage it took
on my mental and emotional state is incalculable. The Lord revealed
to me that I could loose my eternity if I did not put it away.
It became a form of Baal worship, which God sternly condemns.
It was foolish to pursue it, yet I must admit, it still holds
a strong power over me. Such temptations, once they have gained
an iron grip on us, are almost impossible to relinquish. Only
through the power of the Holy Spirit can they be overcome and
then only as long we I desire the victory. Obsessions may be a
life long behavior pattern, awaiting only the relaxation of vigilance
to reassert itself to destroy both body and soul. You may be aware
of the experiences of Anthony Green in Jackson who fell into child
phonography. (No, this wasn’t my problem.) He is ruined for
life and only the grace of Christ can save him will if he places
his entire strength behind the effort to overcome. Once we have
fallen so low no half way measure will suffice. It is either all
of Christ or all of the Devil. A total life change is required
to escape the eternal consequences of sin although we may face
earthly ramifications.
The summer after high school, I listened to a recording of an
army psychologist describing the brain washing techniques used
by North Korea during the Korean conflict. They quickly discovered
the futility of physical force to compel prisoners to relinquish
their loyalty to the United States. They tried all forms of torture;
beatings, whippings, pain, and dismemberment but, in most cases,
they failed to quell the human spirit.
Then they used subtle tactics, such as; systemic starvation leading
to gradual enfeeblement, sleep deprivation, social isolation,
intensive self-criticism, dehumanization through disruption of
personal hygiene, and group pressure to conform.
In many cases, these tactics worked and the prisoner, deprived
of the hope of release, sank into bestiality. Now he was ready
to be reprogrammed into whatever the Koreans desired, for his
mind could be manipulated. Hypnosis often accomplishes the same
result, total control of the human mind, will, and spirit.
Adam lost Eden because Satan gained control of his mind and he
would have died eternally if Christ had not redeemed him. Consider
the price He paid for Adam’s momentary sin.
Animals obey their master who is mind and will for them. Slaves
are treated in the same fashion. The sexual perversions of bondage,
sadism, and masochism attempt the same result over the human spirit
often destroying the victim and victimizer. Many cases of rape
and child molestation arise out of the same desire to control
the human will and manipulate it in the pursuit of evil.
These illustrations have a common dominator, to control or subvert
the will, transforming the image of Christ into that of Satan,
for he is the author of human bondage. Satan desires to control
and ruin the human race. He is the epitome of an obsession. He
has invested his entire existence into the effort to hurt, wound,
dethrone, and destroy God. His ultimate attempt is to murder God
through the person of his children. Every effort to control the
will of a another, other then through the persuasion of love,
is Satanic in origin. As we attempt to subvert the image of Christ
in others, we become like Satan, until it is impossible for us
to distinguish between good and evil.
The saddest spectacle to Christ, angels, and men is a person who
has sold himself to the Devil in the pursuit of an obsession that
involves the enslavement of the mind of another human being. It
is bad enough to voluntarily sell ones self for food or drink
but it is worse to sell ones self to the devil in pursuit of a
goal that it unobtainable and will lead to destruction. Witness
the final end of Satan. His lot is not enviable. He is frightfully
miserable and unhappy as he contemplates his final end. In a frenzy
of orgiastic distraction, he throws himself into the futile effort
to destroy Christ’s image from the human soul. But he will
fail.
Those who cling to Christ will not be deceived, for He will rescue
them from Satan’s trap if they desire deliverance. Satan
can not control the will unless we permit him. For those who remain
loyal to Christ, Satan’s power is broken.
Ralph, you have an obsession that is destroying you and I must
speak out about it because I love you and do not desire to see
you and Satan swimming in the same like of fire. It is too late
for him, but it is not too late for you. Having devoted yourself
to enslaving the will of your wife, you are attempting the impossible.
You have striven to use all the tactics of brain washing and some
of the weapons of physical torture against her. The end result
can only be death for yourself and, if Wendy remains faithful,
eternal life for her. Your obsession is making you unhappy. Your
lack of financial success is directly proportional to your efforts
to destroy her will. While you expend tremendous amounts of psychic
energy in the effort to humiliate and cripple her, you have nothing
left over for creative efforts, earning a living, or improving
the lot of humanity, which is your God ordained privilege and
responsibility.
All efforts at enslavement, either of the body or mind, are doomed
to failure for no one can control the will of another. Prisoners
can escape, brain washed victims can be cleansed, psychologically
crippled persons are healed every day. Your efforts are doomed
to failure. You can never achieve your desired goal. Give it up
before it destroys you, for it will not destroy Wendy. Redirect
your boundless energy into something useful and obtainable.
The only way you can be delivered form Satan is a renunciation
of this obsession and a complete yielding to Christ. He will never
treat you the way you are treating your wife. The only force He
uses is the force of love. He will never use against you the weapons
of Satan. Ralph, for Christ’s sake, renounce this hideous
compulsion and, through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, turn
right around. You have such wonderful potential for good. The
Lord yearns over you as a mother yearns over her sick child. He
is calling, calling, calling you to come home. His arms of forgiveness
are outstretched. Like a father who pities his child, so the Lord
pities those who turn from their evil ways to serve Him.
Turn ye, turn ye, turn ye, says the Lord, for why will ye die?
Ralph, is the subjection of Wendy worth your death? What are you
accomplishing? What rewards do you expect to obtain? Will you
truly be happy if she submits to you? Think it through. Weight
the consequences of your action. Count the cost. Evaluate the
advantages and disadvantages. What is the end result? What will
be gained by pursuing this illusive goal? Can you expect to enter
heaven with this stain on your conscience? If you kill her, what
benefit have you gained? Your children are following in your example.
What will the Lord say to you in the judgment when their names
come in review before the Judge of all the earth?
You have such wonderful talents, why do you squander them for,
for what, for seeing Wendy groveling on the floor in abject terror.
Does this please you? Do you enjoy seeing her cringe in fear?
If you are pleased, then this is a manifestation of the Satanic
which ought to make you flee to the Lord for deliverance.
God has a wonderful plan for your life. His goals are worth placing
all your considerable energies into obtaining. He will never disappoint.
You will never experience failure with him. You have everything
to gain by following Him and everything to loose in your present
course.
Allow me to cite the example of the pencil sharpener. When your
pencil is dull, you insert it into the mechanism, and by means
of a handle, turn several blades inside to sharpen the pencil.
Now consider the penis. When it is placed in the female mouth,
you run the risk of having it sharpened. You have escaped this
fate only because Wendy does not understand the power she has
over you at the moment of insertion. For one who desires to control
her, you are in a most vulnerable position for her retaliation.
She has only to bite down firmly to cure you of this obsession
for a life time. Consider the snickers of the nurses and guffaws
of the doctors when they realize why you are seeking emergency
medical treatment. The scream of pain that will emanate from your
mouth will be heard as far as George Pastor’s place. Do you
really want this experience? Some day, she will awaken to the
awesome power she has over you and the memory of all those years
of humiliation will arise as her teeth firmly crunch into your
penis. Ouch!
The result of this obsession and the efforts to dominate will
be her death or yours. Give it up now, before it is eternally
too late. Let it go.
I do not write to you with anger or hostility. I love you and
desire only the best for you. I know you can do better then you
are doing. Delivering fruit is not your purpose in life. Let others,
less qualified then you, perform this menial task. God has better
and higher things in mind for you. I pray daily that the Lord
will show you a better life.
May the Lord richly bless you. Your brother in Christ.
Allen A. Benson
