November 30,1996
Dear Br. White:
My computer is doing double duty this evening. The printer is happily printing a form letter while I an writing this letter to you. The only problem, with this dual operation, is that the computer works unusually slow.
Over the last several years that I have known you, I have been
impressed with your willingness to purchase software and various
components for your wife’s computer. Very few husbands appreciate
their companions enough to spend their hard earned money to purchase
things for them that improve their lives and make them happy.
How easy it is to make some one else happy, all it takes is thoughtfulness,
and apparently, you have an abundance of this quality; since thoughtfulness
comes only from the Lord, this is one more evidence of your love
for Him.
The greatest thing upon earth, which we value, next to the Lord,
ought to be our wives. Without a wife, a man is incomplete, for
the Lord, speaking at the time of creation, said of Adam and Eve,
that they shall become one flesh. It is strange that men, more
so then women, seem unable to distinguish what is in their own
best interests, thus, we tend to drive away or abuse the very
thing that gives us the greatest happiness. At least, one would
think, self interest alone would prevail over our poor judgment
and lead us to regard our wives as important to our personal happiness
and success, but such is often not the case. Brother White, why
it is that we seem so indifferent to those things that lead to
health, prosperity and happiness?
When God said, “It is not good for a man to be alone,”
He most assuredly knew what He was talking about. A good wife
can soften our harsh dispositions and give us greater sensitivity
not only to our own self-interest but to the happiness of others,
but this happens only if we listen to her wisdom and profit by
it. While a woman can live alone quite successfully, men make
a miserable job of being single. As you know, men live far longer
when married then they do when single. But this relationship is
a mutual one. Women need men as much as men need women, although
many women would disagree with this statement, and for good reason.
Because of some bad apples among the brotherhood of men, women
have the excuse to label all men as bad and insensitive, but this
just isn’t true. Every once in awhile, I encounter or hear
of a woman who gives a genuine testimonial to the love and kindness
of her husband, but good men don’t make the news as quickly
as bad men, therefore, it often seems that only bad, abusive men
populate the planet.
However, God has His faithful husbands, just as He has His faithful
wives, and they are often found in the same marriage with each
other, for a faithful husband often encourages a faithful wife
and a loving wife often encourages a loving husband. In other
words, a kind, affectionate husband creates the same responses
in his wife as she creates in him.
It is our duty and pleasure to represent Christ to our wives and
children. As the husband is the head of the home, and Christ is
the head of the husband, He desires that we represent Him and
His character by living and acting in a godly manner. Higher then
our highest thought is God’s ideal for humanity, godliness,
Godlikeness is our privilege. When Christ lives with in us, we
assume His character of love and mercy. What a privilege to be
Godlike in personality, mannerisms, and features.
Our first duty, therefore, as husbands, is to know Christ well
enough to imitate or mimic His character. We can do this only
as we have Christ as a constant companion.
There is a spiritual law that we become what we must admire. This
law operates in both the secular as well as the spiritual world.
If we admire President Bill Clinton, then we shall assume his
character. If we look up to Rush Limbaugh, then we shall gradually
mimic his expressions, mannerisms, and characteristics. And if
we admire Christ for what He did on our behalf and for His love,
kindness, and mercy, then we shall reflect His character, and
others, when they see us, take note, as did the Jews of His disciples,
that we have been with Christ. So powerful is His character of
compassion that we can’t long visit with Him and remain in
His presence without being utterly repelled by or attracted to
his demeanor.
A husband and wife, who have been happily married for many years,
soon share each others characteristics. While they retain their
own individuality and personality, the discerning observer can
identify similar character traits in both; perhaps, this is the
greatest evidence of a successful marriage. Likewise, the Christian
becomes like his Lord, the longer we are together. The foregoing
analogy is not altogether accurate, for God does not assume our
traits as they are sinful, and nothing sinful can mar His perfect
character.
Thus, the chain of influence begins with God the Father and Christ,
our older brother, is transmitted to the faithful, God-fearing
husband, to his wife, and through them to their children, and
from the home to the community. This chain of influence is designed
by the Lord as one of the primary methods whereby others become
acquainted with our Father and older brother. When they look upon
successful men, men who spend time with Christ and become like
Him, and their wives, who have spent time with their husbands
and assumed their finer qualities which are Christ-like, then
they may acknowledge that we have something which they desire.
While they may never ask us about our faith, nevertheless, we
can be assured that we are being observed and read as an open
book. What read are they finding in us ought to be of considerable
concern and consequence. It is often possible, for the unassuming
Christian man, to preach such a powerful sermon, by his Christ-like
life and marriage, that preachers and evangelists would envy their
effectiveness at spreading the good news of Christ’s love.
While others may receive the credit, the quiet, consistent, unobtrusive,
character of a Christian gentlemen does not go unnoticed by our
heavenly Father and, when it is safe for our poor fragile egos
to receive praise and commendation, then, in heaven, not here
on earth, our Father will unfold to us the good and bad of our
influence, but we will not then take credit to ourselves, but
as the saints, in the book of Revelation, we shall ascribe all
honor and glory and praise unto the Lamb, Jesus Christ, for without
Him we are nothing, but with Him, and through Him, we may become
all things.
May the Lord bless you both in your public ministry and, what
is more important, in your private ministry to your wife and children,
for the Lord, the angels, and multitudes of other witnesses are
watching. Be careful that you fall not into temptation as other
ministers, for your witness is doubly in jeopardy, on account
of the proclamation of the gospel from the pulpit.
Your brother in Christ.
Allen A. Benson