November 30,1996
Dear Dr. Stennis:
When we become Christians, by believing on the name of Christ as our personal Savior, we are called to a higher standard of moral excellence. Especially is this true of men, who in the course of time, become husbands and fathers. There is no higher position of honor and responsibility, on earth, then to be a faithful father, and represent Christ to our families.
The name of husband or house-band has considerable significance,
for it is the husband who binds the family together. We see many
families splitting apart. Divorce is rampant, adultery is flourishing,
especially within the church, and many evils are devouring families
right and left, but where does the blame, and consequently, the
responsibility for this sorry state belong? Squarely on our shoulders.
Men, especially within the church, love to dwell upon the scriptures
that affirm our position as head of the home. We love to think
of ourselves as commanding our wives and children as if we were
little dictators.
There are different types of bands. There are steel bands that
shippers use to secure bulky packages during transit and there
are bands of circumstances that prevent us from doing what we
desire such as financial limitations, but the “band”
in house-band is the band of love and affection not force or coercion.
Husbands are to bind their families together with strong but gentle
affection, with tenderness and mercy, with countless courtesies
and thoughtful deeds, with patience and gentleness. (The true
meaning of gentleman, after all, is a gentle man.)
Just as fathers and mothers beget children, so love begets love.
The way a husband commands his family is not with harsh words
or looks, or with a rod or the fist, but with gentleness and affection,
the kind word, the calm look and the wise counsel and prudent
guidance.
We are not to be boys in our emotions. We are to grow up into
Christ Jesus and manifest His patience, His unconditional affection.
Our emotions should be consistent so that our wives and children
may know from day to day how we will react under adverse circumstance.
They should be able to look to us for emotional strength and consistency.
Our wives should be able to lean upon our large affections, unafraid
or hesitant to confide in us for fear of an uncontrolled temper.
Babies throw temper tantrums and we are amused but when men throw
temper tantrums we represent the satanic rather then, as is our
privilege, the divine.
Just as we represent Christ to our families so we represent Christ
to the church and community in our demeanor and affections.
Very few men know what is meant by the term husband and aspire
to Christ’s ideal. Most of us fail miserably, but God has
a remedy, as He has a remedy for every sin and failing of the
human race. Christ said, “if we confess our sins, he is faithful
and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
1 John 1:9.
God is a merciful God. He desires that His men shall be faithful
house-bands, binding the home together through His love. If we
have failed this high responsibility, He extends His mercy, which
is renewed each day, and invites us to come to Him, confessing
our sins and receiving His gift of repentance and pardon.
We may learn from Him the true art of husband, the cultivated
bestowal of affections upon our cherished families. Our greatest
joy should be found in spending time with our wives and children,
for here, in this sacred circle of the home, is our true missionary
field. Here, our love, unfettered by worldly embarrassment, can
be loosed and realized to its fullest potential. Here, freed from
outside interference and curious eyes, we can be ourselves, the
Lord’s gentlemen, full of sympathy, mercy, patience, comfort,
understanding, easily approached and easy to be entreated. Our
real natures find their fullest expression among those whom we
love and for whom we sacrifice our uncontrolled masculine propensities.
Relinquishing the force and power, which God gave us, we unleash
the pent up affections and allow our gentle nature full reign.
Under the sunshine of our dispositions, our families flourish
as plants in a hot house. Here our wives and children feel safe,
just as we feel safe with the tremendous power of an automobile
or bulldozer. While these vehicles can do tremendous harm, they
can, when harnessed by a careful driver, do tremendous good and
benefit humanity in a thousand ways.
God desires better things of men then we realize and is eagerly
awaiting the moment when we shall call upon Him for wisdom and
guidance in this most difficult of human undertakings. To be a
husband, in the truest sense of the word, is so important that
God entrusted this responsibility to men alone as the best fitted
and adapted to fulfill this role. Women and children are not qualified
to be husbands, for they have different roles.
I know that you can be all that God intended when He set out the
job description of “Husband.” He has already qualified
you with talents and abilities best suited to your circumstances
and the needs of your family. I have confidence that you, as well
as other men, will yet rise to the dignified and noble level of
Godly husbands. He has placed within you all the resources and
wisdom you need. When in perplexity or temptation, call upon Him,
and He will unleash these resources.
Be of good courage. I have faith in you and in God that He will
finish the good work that He began in you and that you will yet
shine as the sun in His kingdom and receive the highest and most
coveted praise from the lips of the lord, “Well done, thou
good and faithful servant, enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.”
May the Lord richly bless you. Your brother in Christ.
Allen A. Benson