November 30,1996
Dear Br. Mercer:
How are you enjoying fatherhood? The answer, I hope, is GREAT! You have a privilege that I never had, that of knowing your daughter from birth. I became acquainted with my son when he was eight years old.
While it is true that young children do not as readily respond
to their father as to their mother, it is false that you do not
have a profound influence over your young daughter. Your pleasant
words and sunny disposition affects the entire household.
Men make a deadly mistake when we allow worries and perplexities,
over our jobs, to enter the sacred area of the home. While it
is common for men to bring their work home, this practice is not
good for family harmony and happiness. Some men, such as myself,
work at home, and this is good, as it keeps us in closer touch
with our families then if we worked at a distance from home, but
we must be careful to make a clear distinction between work and
family, so that the two do not overlap. Our employment should
remain at work.
When we allow our cares and responsibilities to overshadow our
families, we do them an injustice. As young as your daughter is
now, she intuitively understands that something is wrong in the
home when cares intrude into family time. Young children understand
more then we realize and have a greater since of what ought to
be then we give them credit.
They obtain this knowledge from the Lord at birth. Christ placed
in the minds of babies a since of right and wrong, or a since
of the way things in the family ought to function. Many of the
difficulties that small children encounter, and that bedevil parents,
are directly traceable to the parents themselves and especially
to the husband and father.
When we allow work related perplexities to enter the home, our
wives partake of our worries, the small children since her concern
and share her worries which are often expressed in uncontrollable
crying.
Every father ought to guard the influences and associations that
impinge upon the home, filtering out, as it were, harmful or unpleasant
experiences or negative influences. We must guard our families
from all that would harm them or adversely affect their happiness.
We can counteract much that is unavoidable through our smiles
and cheerful looks. When we return home from the job, let our
first expressions be joy upon seeing our wife and children. Let
our countenances be radiant with smiles that, finally, the work
is finished and we can not enjoy our families. They quickly partake
of this atmosphere and do their part in filling the home with
radiant sunshine and thus many home miseries may be avoided or
at least alleviated.
There is much that a God-fearing husband can and must do to control
the atmosphere of the home, making it fragrant with kind expressions
of love and consideration for his wife and children. Let him study
to show some small token of love daily for his family. Let him
never forget to be kindly affectioned to each family member before
he leaves for work in the morning and immediately after he returns
in the evening. Let his greatest joy be to bring the sunshine
of tenderness into his home.
I believe that you have the ability to love your family in this
way and will do all that is within your power to filter out the
poisonous atmosphere that Satan would spread about our homes.
You give every evidence of being a God-fearing husband and father
who is prepared, intelligently, to fill his part in God’s
great plan of finishing His work by loving your family.
Your devotion for them is witnessed by other men who may be lead
to imitate your example. Never let it be said of you, Jeff, that
you were afraid to let your love for your wife and daughter be
known by your fellow workers. Most men are bashful about admitting
that they love their families, but your boldness in acknowledging
your fondness, may encourage them to acknowledge theirs also,
and thus the atmosphere, that surrounds us, may be fragrant with
compassion and benevolence.
May the Lord bless you, your wife and daughter. Your brother in
Christ.
Allen A. Benson