November 30,1996
Dear Br. Stumps:
When I was eight or ten years old, my older sister began my training in the finer arts of gentlemanly courtesy toward women. She taught me, none too subtly, that men should walk on the street side of women and be willing to open doors for them or give them a seat when none are available elsewhere. Over the intervening years, I have practiced these small courtesies and have refined and developed them.
In this age of feminism, it would seem that women would be displeased
with such acts of kindness for they demonstrate masculine virtues
and, when accepted, testify that they are deserving of respect.
But such is not the case.
I have never found a woman who objected to an act of respect or
a kind word or a thoughtful gesture on my part or from another
man.
The simple act of opening the car door, for one’s wife, even
if she is able to perform this simple function for herself, and
must wait for her husband to walk around the car, is very seldom
seen any more. When I open a door for a strange women, or for
a friend, I never fail of being rewarded with a smile. I think
most women appreciate these little acts of kindness, especially
when performed by a stranger.
How much more important that we display this type of courtesy
in our own families. God is pleased when men shower their wives
and children with kindness, thoughtful acts of consideration,
and smiles, displays of affection, and kind words. A simple thank
you, “honey” goes a long way to making home a little
heaven where the angels love to dwell.
Sevilla and I have developed the habit of verbally appreciating
each other and the little things we do to make home a nicer place
in which to live. Life is too difficult as it is not to thank
one's spouse or even our children for the things they do. I thank
her for washing the dishes and she thanks me for taking out the
garbage. I remember to say “I love you” at least once
a day, and am rewarded with a smile and kiss for my efforts. (Life
certainly has its rewards.)
How much pleasantness a man can bring into his home through simple
acts or words of courtesy is little appreciated in this age of
callous disregard for the others. Children can be taught to demonstrate
gratitude for the sacrifices of their parents. They learn these
lessons by observing their parents displaying affections for each
other.
When we practice this virtue at home and then carry it into all
of our daily affairs, we surround ourselves, and others who came
within its influence, with a heavenly atmosphere. Courtesy, especially
for women, wherever and whenever we meet them is required by the
Lord if the world is to see Christ in us.
In our association with our wives, children, church family, work
associates, and strangers, we should never be seen or heard uttering
a disparaging word, a critical comment, or a bitter remark. These
words or expressions only wound the heart and cause bitterness
and resentment. How many of the problems of the world could be
resolved with the oil of courtesy and genuine complements?
Wives often feel sad over the lack of appreciation from their
husbands and wither emotionally over the blight of criticism or
complaints. As God’s men, called to love our wives and children,
He expects better of us, and, if we are willing, will caution
us when about to speak fretful or unkind words.
Never should a husband joke about his wife or children to another
person, especially in front of them. This wounds and bruises the
finer sensibilities of women and children and often leads to much
marital disharmony. Do we desire our wives and children to make
jokes at our expense? I think not. Then we must be guarded about
indulging in this pernicious habit at the expense of those whom
we love.
It belittles us, in the sight of our wives, children and friends
and neighbors, when we fail to display exemplary courtesy to our
loved one's. How can we call ourselves Christian gentlemen, when
we manifest a rude temper or disposition? Such childish behaviors
cast shame upon Christ. If we say we are His, yet our manners
betray to whom we truly belong, then the world has a justifiable
right in importuning the character of Christ. He is often shamefully
mistreated by the very men who desire His richest blessings.
God loves you, Mike. Always keep that in mind. His standards for
men are high and lofty, yet, through His grace, they are obtainable.
Rich rewards await those who cultivate gentlemanly courtesy at
home and abroad.
Be of good cheer. There is much to rejoice the heart in Christ
Jesus. May the Lord bless you. Your brother in Christ.
Allen A. Benson