March 28,1997
Dear Br. Moore:
Christian men should be the model of deportment, courtesy, and politeness. We should expect nothing less then that men, professing to love the Lord, will reflect His conduct and attributes, for, after all, to be Christ-like is to live and behave like Christ in all particulars. Allow me to digress from my intended topic and take up a ridiculous argument against this last statement that was popular in the Methodist community in which I associated wile in collage. To be Christ-like, it was argued, meant that we should wear sandals, long robes, and eat olives. This type of reasoning totally misses the point of being Christ-like. Christ, who was God in every particular before, during, and after His incarnation, when He was upon the earth, conformed to the local fashion customs in men’s clothing while He lived in Palestine. He shunned anything that would make Him singular or odd in appearance or behavior, albeit, He was without sin, which in itself is unique and quite singular. Similarly, we should adopt the dress fashions customary to our society and culture as long as they are modest and sensible.
Now back to my main topic. Christ was constantly under the microscope,
so to speak, by the religious leaders of His day that they might
find some sin or flaw they could use to discredit Him. Being in
every since a man, Christ was capable of reacting with masculine
feelings and behaviors toward women, yet, at all times, He maintained
a proper relationship toward persons of the opposite sex. In his
frequent travels, he had many occasions to associate with women.
Sin, being what it is and temptation being what it is, I know
he was tempted by the fairer sex to engage in sinful behavior,
but he yielded not to these most subtle temptations for momentary
pleasure.
In his social relations with both men and women, he maintained
a polite reserve, discouraging at all times undue familiarity
with both men and women. He was not given to hugging women in
the lobby of a church as some men seem to enjoy. No back slapping,
playful hitting, arm around the shoulder, or unnecessary touching
was permitted by him. While I don’t know the typical Jewish
custom of his time for meeting a brother, today, he would confine
his personal touches to a friendly handshake with a smile of recognition
or approval. If he were alive today, he would avoid sitting too
close to either a woman or man, maintaining a discrete distance
from each. Children he held on his lap and freely embraced, but
between him and other adults, he maintained a comfortable distance
in his social relationships.
Christ was not unfriendly and did not manifest, through this practice,
any social ostracism or rejection, but he recognized that many
evils could be avoided and the appearance of evil and the evil
tongue could be silenced through appropriate discretion. We would
do well today to imitate his example. Some men, mostly those with
an extravert or out going disposition or temperament seem given
to close, personal contact with men and especially with women,
often in the very presence of their spouse. The disapproving look
is ignored with the plea that he is only loving as Christ would
love, but such logic ignores Christ’s actual behavior.
We should never be alone with a women or child not of our own
family. Especially is this injunction to be observed with female
children. In an age marked by child abuse, let us avoid any close
personal association with children unless accompanied with our
spouse or their parent and even then we should avoid the over
long touch or embrace. I am not suggesting that you engage in
any of these behaviors, but temptation, being what it is and the
evil tongue alive and well, Christian men are in danger of violating
their conscience and the consciences of others through apparently
innocent behaviors that, in the sight of the evil tongue, may
appear to be what it is not.
Discretion is or ought to be the byword of the Christian man.
The natural exuberance, displayed by some men, should be brought
under the control of reason and enlightened social relationships.
We should also abstain from hugging either men or women, restraining
ourselves to intimacies with our own spouse in the privacy of
our own bedrooms. Public hugging in our society is inappropriate
unless it is with our own family members. Yes, I know, the Arabs
both hug and kiss each other. So, next time you or I are in an
Arab country and are so inclined, we may hug and kiss an Arab
man, but he may find it offensive also, since we are not Arabs.
May God bless you with discretion and understanding that you may
set an example for your Christian brothers and sisters of a good
deportment that the evil tongue may be silenced or find nothing
about which to wag. Your brother in Christ.
Allen A. Benson