July 1997.

Matthew's last DTP jab, and he hardly even noticed... not when there were some lovely new toys to look at. He showed no reaction at all this time. He can now grab his dummy, turn it the right way and suck it - I am a very proud mum. I don't really like him to have it too much, but for now I think it does him good because it is one of the few things he can do on his own.

The baby massage group has finished but some of us have decided to continue to meet up at our houses instead. We are also going swimming every week and begining to make friend there too. Matthew is really enjoying the water, and it gives him the confidence to try new things. He took his first supported steps in the shallow water. Whilst we were getting changed Matthew noticed my tattoo for the first time: he tried to grab it.

After a struggle to breastfeed Matthew, and now that he is getting 100% breastmilk, I find it is time to re-introduce his bottles ready for my return to work. I never expected the reaction I got - he didn't like bottles! If someone had been able to tell me during that low period, that one day Matthew would refuse a bottle I would have been over the moon. As it was I cried, I just couldn't believe the irony, and I was so happy! It took a few days, but Matthew finally took a bottle - on his terms. He will drink the milk, but only if he has control of the bottle, so now I have to give my 5 month old his bottle so he can feed himself. I know he has his eye on the spoon next.

He is a real character: He likes to sit up and stand whenever he can, and he laughs lots when he is playing, but he can also SCREAM when we do something 'wrong', in his eyes, and this is so upsetting at times. Matthew took his first steps on dry land this month too - three steps in total whilst holding onto my hands.

I went away from Matthew, over night, for the first time ever. I went to Newcastle with an old school friend of mine who is getting Married next week. It was strange to be away, and nice to be me again for a while - rather than Matthew's mum. I was still tied to the breastpump though in order to keep my milk up. I think the trip was a turning point for Matthew and his dad: Karl seems much more comfortable handling Matthew, and although he has always loved his son I think Karl has now really bonded with him. When I got home again Matthew gave me the biggest smile ever. I had already forgotten what hard work being a mum is though... and it took me a good day to get back into the swing of it all, but it soon felt like I had never been away.