Mga Sari-Saring Dyoks in Pul Kolor

Dyok #1

What is Love? (ayon kay Pidro)
LOVE is an intention,that goes with affection, with the intent of injection and ejection,
done in the midsection, in a nice position, during a private session.

----- oOo -----

Dyok #2

Ikaw ba'y nalulungkot, walang makausap at nabubugnot?
Ba't di mo subukan umutot, paligid mo'y babantot, tanggal ang lungkot, wala pang bugnot !

----- oOo -----

Dyok #3

Q: Bakit mas malakas umutot ang lalaki sa babae ?
A: Dahil may mike sila sa harap !

Q: Eh bakit may echo kung umutot ang babae ?
A: kasi malapit sa kuweba !

----- oOo -----

Dyok #4

Q: What's the difference between corruption in USA & corruption in the Philippines ?
A: In the US, they go to jail. In the Philippines., they go to US.

----- oOo -----

Dyok #5

Q. Bakit matamis ang ulo ng kalbo?
A. Eh Kasi panot siya (pronounced panutsa)

----- oOo -----

Dyok #6

Q: Bakit mayroong 13th month pay?
A: Aayon sa banal na kasulatan (brad Pete)...
Mayroong panglabintatlong buwan sa isang taon....
kapag ibinigay, ito'y libu...libo, kapag hindi ibinigay, ito'y labu...labo
kaya ang kumpanya ngayo'y ...lugi...lugi.

----- oOo -----

Dyok #7

Q: Anong similarity ng sperm at mayonnaise?
A: Pareho silang galing itlog at parehong Ladies' Choice.

----- oOo -----

Dyok #8

At a strip joint, a girl wearing a g-string dances on stage.
Japanese huks Y10,000 to her panty, the American huks $100,
Filipino takes out his credit card and swipes it thru the girl's butt!

----- oOo -----

Dyok #9

Chinese: I have 4 wives, 1 more I have a basketball team.
American: I have 9 wives, 1 more I have a football team.
Pinoy: I have 17 wives, 1 more I have a golf course, 18 holes.

----- oOo -----

Dyok #10

An alcoholic son's letter to his Dad:
Beer dad, gin na ko mag-iinom whisky kelan.
Tanduayan mo yan. Your son, Miguel.

----- oOo -----

Dyok #11

A filipina was in a flight to the the US and at some point the flight the attendant was serving salad to the passengers and so she came back after a few minutes and asked the filipino, "How's the dressing?" (referring to the salad), and the filipina replied,
"OH, MY CLOTHES ARE VERY COMFORTABLE THANK YOU."

----- oOo -----

Dyok #12

Paano mo mapapagkasya ang 71 katao sa isang kotse at tumatakbo pa kayo ng 120 Mph.
Ganito 'yun: Iyung dalawang tao nasa likod ang nag-si-sixty nine, then plus driver and watcher.

----- oOo -----

Dyok #13

Final Exams daw:

Final exams na ng mga seminarista..pag nakapasa sila dito ay magiging Pari na sila... sabi ng Paring examiner...lahat kayo ay sasabitan ko ng bell sa inyong pagkalalaki.. at pag tumunog ang bell ang ibig sabihin ay tumigas kaya bagsak sa exam pag tumunog... Unang exam ay binigyan lahat sila ng mga porno magazines..puro bold talaga...walang tumunog...pasado lahat..

Next ay pinapanood sila ng x-rated na films...triple x pero no effect sa kanila...pasado na naman.. Then, may babaeng pumasok sa examination room...pinasayaw at isa isang tinanggal ang kanyang suot... wala pa ring tumutunog na bell...matitibay talaga...

Eh doon sa kuwartong yon ay sobra ang init..walang air con...inis na inis na si Pedro sa tagal ng exam.. pinagpapawisan na siya...kaya sa inis ay hinubad ang suot na sutana...nakita ng mga seminarista ang kanyang tinago...biglang nagtunugan lahat ng bell...

----- oOo -----

Dyok #14

Isang Pinoy galing sa Pinas ang nasa LAX customs inspection:
Medyo kabado kasi may dalang daing(dried fish) sa loob ng maleta.

INSPECTOR: What are these stuff in your suitcase?
PINOY:Daing,sir!
INSPECTOR:(Looking closely) No, they are not.
PINOY: It's true sir. They are daing.
INSPECTOR: They are not dy-ing. These fish are already dead.

----- oOo -----

Dyok #15

Karera:

Parang bulkang sumabog. Sumambulat. At eto ... Sangkaterbang sperm cells ang nakawala. Nag-meeting sila. Mga kapatid," sabi ng isang nagli-lider-lideran. "Ito'y fair fight. 'Alang dayaan. Matira ang matibay. Ang mabilis. Ang unang makakarating sa egg cell, siya ang magpe-fertilize. Aprub ba?" "Olrayt kapatid. Just say the word at sabay-sabay tayong lulusob!" "Sugod mga kapatid!!!" At milyung-milyong sperm cells ang nagkarera. Wala ngang dayaan. Pero isa sa kanila, ang matindi. Ang bilis kamo. Kaya't naguna agad ito. Papalayo. Paliiit nang paliit. Paliit nang paliit ... hanggang 'di na nila ito matanaw. Maya-maya kamo, eto na 'yung nangunguna. Humahangos pabalik. Humihingal.
"Hah ... Hah ... Hu ... huwag na ... kayong tumuloy ... Kah ... kah!"
"Huwag na? At bakit naman? Nakita mo ba ang egg cell?"
"Hah ... 'Alang egg cell ... Ang nakita ... Ang nakita ko ..."
"Ano?" sabay-sabay ang isang milyon na boses.
"Hah ... hah ... Tonsil!"

----- oOo -----

Dyok #15

Sa honeymoon:

Lalake: Darling - pwede?
Babae: Meron ako eh.
L: Sa pwet?
B: May almoranas ako.
L: Sa bunganga?
B: May sore throat ako.
Naasar si lalake- sinakal si babae at sinabi: WAG MONG SABIHING MAY SIPON KA RIN!!

----- oOo -----

Dyok #16

Convict: Father, forgive me for I have sinned.
P: Sabihin mo lahat ng kasalanan mo, anak.
C: Father, pinapatay ko ang lahat ng naniniwala sa Diyos. Kayo po ba Father naniniwala doon?
P: Sino yon?

----- oOo -----

Dyok #17

Applying for a job for the first time, isang seksing coed was filling up the application form.
Mabilis siyang natapos but mukhang nahirapan siyang sagutin ang isang tanong.

PERSONNEL: Do you need help in filling up the application, Miss?
MISS: Puwede ho bang "occasionally" ang ilagay na sagot.
PERSONNEL: Which question, Miss?
MISS: Sex.

----- oOo -----

Dyok #18

Higher:

Dalawang mag-syota are necking while parked sa madilim na lugar sa Ortigas.
(First time for him and the nth time for her.) As he kissed her passionately,
he slowly placed his hand on her thigh. "I love you," he whispered,( nanginginig pa ang boses).
"Higher," she whispered,in anticipation (with buntong-hininga).
"I love you," he repeated, in a higher pitch!.

----- oOo -----

Dyok #19

Nagbago na

Nagbalikbayan ang mister ni Nora:
NORA: Honey, ang mga sigarilyo ba'y para sa kamag-anak natin?
MON: OO. Hindi na ako naninigarilyo, nagbago na ako.
NORA: Itong mga alak, sa kamag-anak rin natin?
MON: Oo, hindi na ako umiinom, nagbago na ako.
NORA: Siguro itong make-up kits para sa akin.
MON: Hoy bruha, para sa akin 'yan. Di ba sabi ko, nagbago na akwo.

----- oOo -----

Dyok #20 (courtesy of The Best of SCF Jokes)

The BEST INSURANCE POLICY in the WORLD!

There was this international contest for the best life insurance policy -
hey Actuarial Majors take note! a la Miss Universe.
Bob Barker was the emcee:

Contestant No. 1 - from an American firm represented by an obnoxious one of those
TV-host-late-night-30-minute-commercial types like Amazing Discoveries: "I will insure your child from birth to death."

Bob Barker smiles and says ,"Let's hear it for good old American values." Audience claps.

Contestant No. 2 - from a German firm, represented by a severely, handsome blonde, blue-eyed hunk: "I will insure your child from womb to tomb."

Bob Barker smiles again and says, "There you go."

Contestant No. 3 - from an English firm, represented by a dapper young Englishman in an
elegant Saville Row suit with a perfect (but learned) Oxford accent: "I will top them all. I will insure your child, Bob (for a little touch of personality here, which is strange because the English is supposed to be cold, proper and formal) from conception to expiration."

Bob Barker ahhs and the audience is prompted to ahh with him.

Contestant No. 4 - from a Japanese firm, represented by a tall Japanese in a Giorgio Armani.
He says in a perfect (also learned) Oxford English: "I will insure your child (whips out a chart) from sperm to worm."

Audience hoots. Bob Barker almost dies.

In a joke such as this, of course the Filipino always comes last.

So:

Contestant No. 5. -- The Filipino. A dignified 5' 2" executive with a slight beer belly, wearing a polo barong, of course, (or was that a gray bush jacket?) and holding an imitation leather clutch bag: (in a perfect American accent) "I will insure your child sir, from... erection to resurrection!

HAH!

Bob Barker did have a heart attack.

----- oOo -----